Valentines Day 2013

 My Valentines Day was actually a good day.  I woke up, went to work, had some extra hours and stayed in the back.  I left, went to go get a part from O'Reilys so my friends dad could put it on me for me.  When I got there, I stood in line and there was 2 younger guys about my age and an older guy working.  The older guy was available next and so I went up to him and he told me I looked familiar.  I looked at him and didn't know him at all and so I just was like, I don't know.  He asked me if I knew a girl named April and I said, no, but then I asked, whats her last name?  He said, Oh, well she lives behind here and takes care of her grandpa.  I said, that's me, My name is Rachel.  He said, oh yeah, you take care of Bubba, you don't remember me?  I said, No, and then he asked me if my divorce was finalized, and I told him yes, back in August.  He said OH, and then I said a few things and he knew all about the ex's and was asking me about them.  He then asked me if I was seeing anybody and if I wanted a sugar daddy.  Ohhhhhh......I see why you wanted to know all this stuff and you remember everything about me.  I nicely talked to him, laughed a little and then left, weirded out.  It was a compliment, but then it wasn't.  He had to of been in his 60's.

So I leave, take my stuff home and my friends dad comes by.  He put the thing on my car and then I take my car to see if its working right and then go up to work to get a bra, because my free 10.00 was about to expire that day and I earned it, so I wanted to use it.  I walk in and my boss is helping this man find some goodies for his lady.  I'm standing there while shes talking to him and told him that bras are buy one get one half off and asked him what size she wears.  He told her and I so happened to see a bra with that size right in front of me which was cute and I showed it to him and he liked it and then I told him he needs to get the bottom part that goes with it.  He told me, he needed a model to model it.  AGAIN, this guy was in his 50's and everyone laughs, and then I make a cue to go get what I want.  So, I am wearing a dress this day, and I wanted to see if these capris that we just got in would fit and so I go over to an area where theres a bunch of clothes and I slip it on underneath my dress.  I look over at my boss and she asked me to come show her and I said, No, theres a man there.....and he says, I wont look, and covers his face to where he can see through his hand.  I'm telling you, I have NO idea, what was going on that day, but it was weird.  While I was at work, the ex proceeds to text me and so I just go over and say Hi, and told him Happy Valentines Day and gave him and hug and came home for my date.

I do find it weird, which was flattering at the same time, how so many people reached out to me that day.  I was excited about my date and nervous at the same time.  I still didn't know what I was going to wear, but when I got home I tried on a dress I bought back when I went to Dallas for my bday, but never did wear it yet, and it was perfect for the night.  My friend came over and we waited till they both got there, since they travelled about an hour and half a way to come take us to dinner. 

When they got here, they picked us up and handed us 3 stem roses each and helped us up in his big truck.  We were both wearing heels and so it sucked to climb, lol, but it was a nice sexy truck, so no complaints.

It was kinda late, about 9ish at this point and so the place wasn't booming, but they took us to Johnny Carinos.  We sat down and everyone had a drink except for the friend, but we all relaxed.  They hadn't been to a place like that, so they didn't know what they wanted.  That place is like my second home and so I knew what was good and what wasn't.  I ordered me a Bellini, which was yummy and they ordered both Crown and Coke.  The guy I was with, ended up giving is over to his friend, because they said it was strong and he had to drive home, which was responsible.  Now me and my guy knew each other, but my friend and his friend never spoke to each other, so it was fun watching them get to know each other and ask questions. 

I wanted to go on this date, because I realized, I am 27 years old, I am single and it was Valentines Day.  If a guy wanted to take us out to dinner, then I was going to let him.  I wanted to live outside my bubble and I wanted to explore and get to know new people.   After we ate, we went to WalMart and everybody got them something, but I didn't.  Then we showed them a little bit around Wichita, since they never really been here and then they took us home.  They work 12 hours shifts weeks at a time with no days off, so they had to get up early all over again.  I was off, and even Rebecca had to go to work, so I understood.  We all hugged goodnight, kiss on the cheek and said our goodbyes.

I really had a good Valentines Day, and it just shows me, hopefully what my future may hold.  I do long for a mans touch and to feel spoiled again.  I'm not really looking forward to getting to know a man all over again and to know them inside out, but I know it will happen and its something to look forward too.  I know in Gods timing, whoever he has for me, it will be magical and it will all fall in place.  Until then, I'm going to keep my guard on my heart, until God removes it and just enjoy life and get to know people!!! :)

A gift from the boss!!

Photo dump from the past week

My friend left this note for me and I loved it!!!! It was cute

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 The first picture is from my friend.  I had to drive her car to Iowa Park to file taxes and well my car was going to be later worked on that day, so I didnt want to chance driving it and getting it stuck.  When I got in her car that was the note.....I thought it was cute. 

The food is because we are struggling a bit with getting my grandpas meds, so this lady came by and brought over food.  I actually havent been able to go to the grocery store this week until bills went through, and so she had some extra in the back of her car.  The good thing about it all, is that I gave what I couldnt eat to my friend and her family. 

 I saw this ring at Mardels and wanted it so bad.....it was cheap really, but it was too much for me to buy when its not something I really needed.

My friend took me to have some drinks and I had a blast.  I didnt get drunk, but I did have fun!!!!  She knows everyone there, lol, which Im starting to get to know them.  The guy at the door said to the guy ID'ing that he has to watch out for me.....lol.....I dont know if its a good thing or not to be known at a bar, haha.....

Venting

I have been wanting to talk about so much, but just haven't had the time or energy to write it all down.  I do have to say that I will be starting back on my weight loss tomorrow and working out.  Its been a rough couple weeks with my hormones and what not, but I have to buckle down and get back to it.  It has helped knowing that my clothes fit different and people telling me they see a difference, so that has been in the back of my head to motivate me to push to my goal.  Another reason is because I ran out of groceries and couldn't afford to go get any, so I just slacked and went through the "Ill treat myself" to many times stages.  Now I got some good food and groceries in the house, I'm ready!!!!


Love.....such a powerful word and yet can mean so many different things in different ways.  I love alot of people and care about them deeply.  I have been blessed with alot of good people in my life and have also opened myself up to others that I had to weed out of my life.  Ive learned alot and I have learned who I want to surround myself with and who I don't.  I tell someone I love them and its in a innocent way when they have someone, but you never know when the last time your going to talk to them will be.


Don't get me wrong...I go through my sad, lonely phases and they really don't last long.  I did tonight, step back and look around and could see alot of people were in relationships and I had a sucky moment, but I think I'm over that.  Its like when I have these moments God just puts a little slide show in my head that I will one day have that and I will be super happy and content.  I think that's why my moments never last long. 


I went to church today and sat with a guy friend of mine, which was different, he also sits in a different spot, so I once again went out of my bubble and lived a little and guess what???? I'M STILL ALIVE!! :)  Though smack in the middle of service, my Pandora Radio on my phone decides it wants to turn on and play, but I mean, at least it was Casting Crowns and not my usual Dubstep.  I'm pretty sure, most of the church was staring at me and I turned beet red!!! 


It was a beautiful day and I decided after church that I was going to go to the grocery store, because we were out.  Three hours later I get home sick, because I hadn't eaten and then I turn to a  B word and jump all over my grandpa for not listening to me.  I felt horrible, but fell asleep.  I woke up and wanted to go walking, but no one wanted to go walk and so I went walking in stores.  I grabbed a few things that I didn't get at the store today and had this serious conversation with the ex, but I think we got it all worked out now.


I went on a Valentine Double Date and I had a blast.  I will post pictures and the story when I load my pictures up in my computer.  I have slacked on everything lately, and I hate it, but maybe tomorrow or sometime I can try and catch up. 

Its tomorrow....lol.  I woke up early and still haven't caught up on my blogs.  I did catch up on a lot of other stuff though, so that's always a good thing. 


I feel like my emotions are going hay wire.  Its not over a certain thing, its just a lot of things running through my mind.  I'm not sure where I'm coming or going.  I'm thinking about my appointment in the morning to see if I'm qualified to get my gallbladder out, but deep down I don't know if I want to go through the surgery now or not.  I also, am looking for another job, but theres just not alot out there.  I do put my applications out, in fact I just did on 2 of them.  I know God has been providing and will provide, but in a way, I just want to start catching up and putting stuff back and paying off some of these bills. 


I know I need to regroup and get back in the Word and start reading something that pertains to God.  I know I'm not doing this on my own and I know that I cant, but I really do miss just reading and feeling close to God.  He has been so good to me and reminds me everyday that He has better plans than my own.  I know I'm just the type of person that needs to be reminded of the things he has for me, because my mind starts wondering and going places it shouldn't.


I think sometimes, the more I meet and talk to guys, the more I realize how I'm not ready for anything.  I am going outside my bubble and meeting new people and I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but I just feel like most want more and well....that's not me.  I put it out there that I don't want to be in a relationship, so when they get all teary eyed, its not my fault.

Just a little vents.....I think I'm going to try and catch up with my other blogs!!

Another rant

So lately that has kept me kinda busy and distracted is that I have been going through another little episode of studying the Illuminati.  The last one was back in November when the presidential debate was going on and this time it triggered when the Super Bowl half time show was, to when Beyonce and the tallest people in the crowd were throwing up the triangle.  I have also learned alot of new things which makes completely sense to me.  Its one of those things where your drawn to it, because it makes you feel like you have been hypnotized for so long and now your waking up with the truth.

The government is powerful and strong and is completely evil.  They have been trying to have mind control over everyone and making things seem different then what they truly are.  I really feel like they put stuff in our food, water and air to make us sick.  I came across this today, which made my eyes open up a little bit more.  I have actually seen this before in the sky.....Chemtrails!!!   Google it or youtube it!!!

Peoples natural reaction is, "oh its not that".  Why is it that people don't want to possibly believe that the government wouldn't want to do this?  I also don't understand the Christians that I know who don't want to know or learn the truth about this OR EVEN look into it and make your own opinion on it.  They believe that the Bible says about Revelation and how its going to be one nation at the end of times and how evil its going to be and how the freedom is being taken away and you will have to get the Mark of The beast or die......well.....HELLO!!!!!!!  Its already here.....they want to start putting chips in babies when their born, they also do put chips in animals and certain people.

Is it better to just ignore and put it to the back burner???  Is it hard to believe or have your mind concept wrapped around the thought that evil is out there and your surrounded by it?  Is it hard to grasp the thought that TV shows, commercials, sports, and the radio all have subliminal messages in them???  The more you look at a triangle, the more you are acceptable to it..........Why I ask, is the triangle or eye in almost everything??  People already know that they can tap into your phone and that they can find you in space on the satellite.....also know everything you look at or put on the Internet.  Why wouldn't they do other things???

I have not felt like I have lived in a free country in a long time and its because we don't.  They are now wanting to take our guns away and they will....scripture says they will.  Its coming to the end of time, its true....its upon us and the more I learn, the more I'm ready to go.  This world is just so evil and it saddens me when my friends could care less about the truth.  I feel like they are still hypnotized or just heartless for not caring.  Because it doesn't pertain to them PER SE, they arnt going to even bother with it.  The truth is, it does pertain to you, your family, your kids, and your spouse.  Don't get mad for watching movie or TV and nudity pops up....because you shouldn't of got it anyway.  Don't get mad when your kid starts cussing and yet you watch the TV shows and movies and listen to the style of music you do.

I GET IT!!!!!  You do live good and not watch or listen to that stuff, but you cant help who your children are around at school......I get it....I do!!!!!!

Since when is Gays and Abortion something I should agree with????  This topic gets to me every time.  "THE WORLD" thinks because I disagree with someones lifestyle that I'm being JUDGEMENTAL and as a Christian, I don't need to be that way.  ARE YOU SERIOUS????  I am a Christian and standing up for my morals and values and what I believe in my heart is right and no matter how bad someone may try to make me feel, its not going to change the way I think.  I even look at some of my friends and wonder where their morals and values went.  I do wonder why people are so accepting to things now.  I know I'm not perfect, but dang!!!!!!  Just because personally you might not can change anything, you just let it go!!!  I don't hate anyone, ever, but believe me when I say, if you had an abortion or is gay, you WILL hear my mini sermon I'm going to give you and then pray for you, because I want you to know where I stand.

I was thinking the other day on Sodom and Gomorrah and how God destroyed it.  I feel like this world is as bad or if not worse than that place could of been.  I hate turning on the TV and how much evil and shows of being gay is on there.  I have really thought about just cancelling my cable....I might even talk to my grandpa about that actually.

I don't know....I feel like when I don't study about this, I to get in this uncaring way of thinking what my  mind is being soaked with.  I hate it!!!!  I want to have control of my mind and not be accepting to the worlds way.  The Bible says to not live of this world, and I try my hardest not too.

I know sometimes I get in a carefree way of thinking, but in my heart I'm not like that and things do bother me and I do feel guilty about things I say or do.

I wish my friends and people I love and even people who read this just open your eyes.  I have studied sooooo much and studying this stuff for 15 minutes wont help.  I ask when you have some down time and is curious to just look up things or even watch some youtube videos on

Illuminati
MK Ultra
Chemtrails
Subliminal Messages
GMO

In alot (not all) they will say the same things over and over.  Some things are just false and not true and way out there, but when studying this, pieces fall together.  Now that I have been studying for years, I know whats real and whats not for the most part, but still know theres alot out there that I haven't came across or have put together.  I watch for all the signals and can even be behind a car and know who they are.  I am glad I know whats around me and what I see and the truth.  I understand that not everyone wants to know, but as Christian I feel like its our duty to see how our country is really ran and what they are slowly doing to us and our kids.

Well, Ive came back to this post about 3 times, so if I'm you might notice me being on fire and the calm, its because I had to step away to do whatever around my house.



Evil is all around us in today's society, from lying and stealing to pornography, drugs, illicit sex, and violence. God calls us to be holy people set apart, not influenced by our wicked culture. Sin always has consequences. Do you take sin and God's wrath seriously?

a rant

So this might be my PMS talk coming out, but I'm kinda annoyed.  Ive been talking to a few people and I'm starting to think that I'm the only person on this planet or around me that thinks the way I think.  Has everyone lost morals or respect for themselves???  I know I'm not perfect and I also know I have sinned in the past and I never have denied my sins.  I know everyone has a past and everyone has done things that their not proud of and might have regretted.

I just feel like alot of people have no self control or plainly just don't care OR just spiritually don't walk with God and have a TRUE relationship with Him.  Oh am I being judgemental or pointing fingers now????

What I'm talking about has to do with alot of things.  I don't understand why people think having sex before marriage is okay.......Don't give me the crap about, "oh, well you need to see if you connect and see if its good before you get married".  WTH is that about???  So your pretty much saying that if sex isn't the best then your marriage isn't going to work???  Then therefore, you never really loved the person at all.

I hate talking to guys who say, Oh Ive been with 15 girls.....YOU HAVE ISSUES!!!!!! I don't want you talking to me anymore, I don't want you to touch me and I just lost all my respect for you.  Another thing that drives me insane is guys and girls who don't care how many sexual partners the person has had.  Ummm......do you get them checked out before you have sex with them???? PROBABLY NOT!!!! So therefore you have a high chance of possibly catching something.  I remember when Mark cheated on me with his whore and I had to go get checked.....I knew if I had something, a couple of people would probably be hurt pretty bad!!!! just saying.....

I get that everyone has a past.....I REALLY DO!!!!!  I think that is something that I have a hard time dealing with and accepting of others.  Its not that I hate them, I just stick people in certain categories, and they cant be mad which one I stick them in.  I can ask someone 5-10 questions and pretty much know who they are.   There was a while that I didn't even ask people some of the questions, because if I knew the truth, I knew I wouldn't want to talk to them again, but like with all things, it eventually will come out. 

If I talk to a man who thinks having sex before marriage is okay, YOUR NOT FOR ME!
If I talk to a man who has had more than like 3 sexual partners, YOUR NOT FOR ME!
If I talk to a man who doesn't know what religion he is and cant say the last time he went to church,YOUR NOT FOR ME! and with that note, if you are more likely a different religion than me, YOUR NOT FOR ME ALSO!!!
If the man has kids, more than likely, YOUR NOT FOR ME!!!
If you cant or wont grow facial hair, YOUR NOT FOR ME!!!

Maybe its because I'm on this mini hormone rampage and have noticed alot of these things lately, and I hope and pray to God that what I want, which is really what God wants for me, the man he has for me is a good Godly, baptist man who has no kids and has a close relationship with God, who wants to do what the scripture says and to be the husband and man God wants him to be.

Oh you would be surprised how many men out there are so twisted with the worldly standards and what they think is "cool" or "accepting".

I also think alot of people put themselves in temptations way.  If you know your going to be around a guy or a girl and something MIGHT happen, then don't even put yourself there.  I remember I wanted to go Golden Corral the other day, but knew if I went, I would indulge which isn't good and bad for my weight loss.

So I wrote this yesterday in a rant I was having......and its been just sitting here on my comp, so I'm going to publish it and not re read it and move on, lol

Feeling good

 No matter how bad my life may be.....when I put some John Mayer music on, I feel the most peace.  I'm not a huge fan of him personally, but I love his music.  I know it reminds me of when I was at my happiest, but it doesn't take me back to that, it just makes me smile.  I know most people I know hate his music and him, but its just something that touches me, I guess we all have our own thing.

Today was a good day, other than my weigh in scale was totally gone and so I have to call in the morning and try and hunt it down, lol.  The guy gave me another one and I didn't want too, but thought I would give it a try and I gained 3 pounds.....yeah....uh no!!!  I knew it was going to do that and he even told me that alot of people complain about it.  

This might sound a little weird, but the guy that I was talking too, was a guy that in all looks was my type.  I even asked him how old he was.....21!!! Ahhhhhh, so young.....that's how old I was when I got married.  I know he was digging on me though.....lol.....maybe if I lost another 59 pounds!!! :)   haha    Plus I totally am not ready for any kind of relationship right now.  I know God will put the man he has for me in my place at the right time, so I don't worry.  My focus is losing weight and providing for my family and serving God!!

Ive been on this blog for over an hour.  I have been talking to some friends, googling some stuff and totally need to be going to the gym which when I'm done, I will be going out the door.  I started to write because I was waiting on my food to digest and I was waiting till 9pm, now its almost 10pm.  I guess time goes by fast when your having fun.

The more I look into this indigent health care, the more I'm not sure if I'm going to get qualified for it.  Right now, its just something I have to place in Gods hands and whatever happens....happens.  I guess until then or until I have money, I will eat a whole lot better.  The more I have thought about it, the more I have stayed away from fried food, dairy, and a lot of trans fat, fatty foods.  This could be actually a good thing for me, so not only am I looking at products with calories and sodium, I'm also looking for the others I just named.  Maybe this is so I can lose weight better!!! :)   I gotta look at the positive on it.  My gallbladder isn't inflamed and I don't hurt anymore and I can eat whole foods that are healthy for the most part now and go HAM in the gym. :)




Lord when my mind tells me I'm lonely, you remind me how you will never leave nor forsake me. When my heart tells me I need love, you remind me how you love those that love you. When my soul craves more you remind me that in You I have purpose. When I'm afraid you gently remind me that you go before me. When this world beckons me you whisper you are not of this world, you belong to me. Lord you are my portion... you are enough.

Update on me and my life

So alot has happened since I lost blogged.  Lets just say last week wasn't the best week Ive ever had.  After I was blessed about my car, I got sick after eating pizza and threw up for 5-6 hours.  I went to the ER because nothing was helping.  I just knew my hiatal hernia was flared up from throwing up so much, but just needed relief and so I went to the hospital to get some medicine for pain and for muscle spasms.

After an hour of throwing up in the room without any relief they finally came in.  She pushed on my stomach which of course felt awesome (NOT!) and said she thinks it might be my gallbladder.  I looked at her like she was nuts and said, I don't think its that and she said she still wanted to get it tested to make sure.  So they hook me up with some pain medicine and fluids and I finally for the first time in 5-6 hours could sit down still.  Before, I could NOT sit down in one spot, it was just pure misery.  It was about 9am at this point and they come in for an ultra sound.  The lady doing the exam looks at my gallbladder and said, "Yep, its your gallbladder", and she showed me one of my stones and it was an inch long and then I saw some little stones.

This is the second time that I'm sitting in an ER and ANNOYED that I have to have surgery.  I don't scared, I get aggravated because I have to provide for me and my grandpa and take care of him.  I hate the recovery and not being able to move around.  I take the news, get my discharge papers and I leave.  It wasn't an emergency problem, so they gave me a Dr (who did my appendix) and  let me go.  I left the hospital and with zero sleep went and ran errands all over town.  I had to go pay for my car, go to the grocery store to get applesauce because I was on the barat diet, get gas, go weigh in and get my prescriptions filled.

I went home and laid down and got some sleep.  To eat applesauce and bananas all the time SUCKS!!!

The next day I woke up early and went with my friend to get her a car.  After that we headed to Arlington for a mini road trip and to get out of this town.  The whole time all I was thinking about was what I was going to eat.  Its just a known fact when you go out of town you eat stuff that your town doesn't have and so I was scared that I wasn't going to find anything that I was capable of eating.

We get to Arlington and go to the Rangers Stadium so my friend could shop.  After that, we went to the Mall that has everything we wanted.  I wanted to go to Torrid and she wanted Chick-fil-a and in the food court I did spot some Japanese food that wasn't fried.  I ate it and it was delish!!!  I took a nausea pill after I ate just in case, just because I was so scared that I was going to have another attack and I wasn't even near home OR the fact that I cant be still when I have the attack so being in car would be death on me.

We went shopping for a bit and the good thing about it all, is that we bought like one thing.  I got me a Spurs shirt with Ginobili on it and she got her a Rangers hat.  If you cant tell yet that we love our teams, then your crazy!!!

We stop to get a drink and I got me some skittle and ended up keeping that down too.  We were in the Dallas traffic for an hour, but we got home just at sundown.

The next day I rested all day and didn't work out and Sunday I went and walked around the lake 2 times which is about 2 miles and then yesterday I went and worked out and I can eat some decent meals.

To find out more about the details of food and exercise, just visit my blog about that.  (location link on the right side)

Yesterday before work, I was getting dressed and I get this phone call about helping me pay with  my medical bill from the hospital.  She asked me how I was doing and I told her I was okay, sore, but when I called the Dr about my surgery, that they wanted $180.00 up front and then they wanted $1300.00 up front for the surgery.  When I had found out about how much it was going to cost, I was just going to wait until it was an emergency.  I barely meet my bills every month and to put back or come up with the money was out of the question.

I prayed and told God, I don't know what to do, I trust you!!!  I was just mind blown at why this was happening and why I couldn't find a good job and why did it have to happen when I'm on a role of losing weight.  I know God has a plan and He knew this was all going to happen and even though at the moment I didn't understand, I was hoping one day I would.

So back to the phone call......after I told the lady I didn't have the money for that, she started asking me how much I made an hour and how many hours I worked a week.  She tallied it up and said, you might be eligible for indigent.  I had indigent when I was 19 with my cancer and you wanna know something?  It was on my list to do after I got out of work that day.  This lady calls out of the blue and it was everything I wanted and needed.  She got off the phone with me, called another lady and then the other lady called me and after work I went and signed a paper.  They had such a willing and giving heart.  Usually when things are like this, the people are so hard and careless, but these women wanted to help me and I was so blessed.  In fact when I got off the phone with them, I cried!!!!  I texted my friend and she said that she was in the middle of texting me when I texted her and what she was texting me was she just knew some time in the week I was going to hear great news about my situation. 

How great is our God?  I kept telling God how blessed I am and how thankful I am and how he is so good to me, when I don't deserve it!!!

After work I signed the papers and they were mailing it that day and I should hear back in about a week to make an appointment to see if I'm qualified.  I just feel like its a huge blessing, and it also makes sense to why I cant get a job.  If I would of gotten some of these jobs that I applied for, I wouldn't been able to get this and insurance takes forever to kick in and since I had cancer before, I'm sure I would of had to met a different deductible then the regular ones if I got it.

I'm just reminded by God, that he is in control and He knows more and what the future holds.  He never seizes to amaze me.  I'm not sure why I'm having gallbladder problems, considering a year ago I had my appendix out, but God has a plan and one thing I have learned over the past few years is that My plans, isn't Gods plans..........I have surrendered that whatever in this life happens.....happens.....I fully trust God!!!!  He knows my heart, better than I know my own heart and he knows my hopes and dreams and I do hope one day they all come true!!

I also physically feel alot better and have been eating regular food but have been trying to stay in the same food groups I'm supposed too, with no dairy and citrus food.  Dairy and soy is in a lot of foods when you look into it.

So I shall work and do what I can to provide and just trust in God that everything will happen according to His plan and hopefully Ill have my surgery with no complications and recover fast and get back on the road to working hard and losing the weight!!!

Lakes are so dried up

dont judge my crazyness