Was AMAZING!!!! Its all I can think about. We had a guest speaker and he preached on something I needed to hear. He preached about Psalm 23 and how we are the sheep and Jesus is our Shepherd. I have felt like God has been preparing me for something big soon. I don't know what, don't know when, but I know right now He is resting me. Things are going smoothly in my life. Theres no drama or chaos, I feel like the people that are in my life, are people that need to be in my life and the people that arnt in my life, they are well......not in it. Its crazy when we actually listen to God, how much peace we can have. Ive been spending some ME time and been doing my bible study and keeping up with it. I'm now half way through the Bible. Its exciting to think that I will have read the whole Bible when this year has ended. I want to keep on track with God. I have already strayed a little bit every once in awhile, and have to regroup myself and put Him first. I have put people and things and events first and then I stop talking to God and I stop doing my bible study and don't focus on Gods plans and I stop listening to my Christian music. I know when I do this and I just have to stop and put it all back together. God knows my heart and he knows I want to stay focused. I pray that whatever I may put before God, ever, for Him to take it away or show me so I can put it behind Him. Having God number one and your focus everyday can be a challenge. You have your family, events, problems, job, spouse, everyday life, the world distracting you, keeping you busy and what we sometimes don't see in front of us, we can push back.
But back to the sermon, what he said that sticks in my mind is he said, whatever we worry about a week, a month, or longer down the road, Jesus is already there. I always worry about the future. I worry if Ill get remarried or when I will, I worry if Ill ever have a family, I worry about how long my grandpa is going to live. I worry about these things that I know I have no control over. I am alot better, and its not really now when I worry, I just wonder and am curious. Ive had so many set backs and trials in my life, that I'm starting to learn to not worry about things that I cant help or control. When growing up, what I thought I wanted my life to be like, hasn't really came close to that. I'm not proud that I'm going through a divorce, I never expected my mom to die when I was 16 and me not having a parent to turn too when I grew up, I never thought I would get cancer at 19 and worry about my health for the rest of my life, I never thought I would miscarry and have trouble getting pregnant, now wondering if I can or ever will have children. But life happens and life goes on. I don't always dwell on the negative that has happened to me, but look at it and realize that I went through it, conquered it and looking to see what else I have in store for my life. I hope that each trial that I have faced and each dark valley I have had to live in, that it can help and touch someone else one day, because through it all, God was there. He really didn't give me anything that I couldn't handle, because I had his strength. Though in the deepest, darkest moment, I didn't know how I was going to live or I didn't understand why this happened to me, I had to look at what I did have, and wonder what I can learn from this, so I can help others.
I wonder sometimes why I was chosen to go through so many trials at a young age. I'm not saying I'm the only person or that my life is or has been worse than anyone else. I'm just saying, in general, people around me, why did I get handed tough trials??? But you know what? I honestly feel blessed that I was chosen, that God chose me, because he knew my heart and my need for him. I tend to turn to people during hard times, anyone really. When Mark was in my life, I turned to him alot, too much actually. I should of never of turned to him with my everything, but God. It took God taking Mark out of my life to show me that and I kinda vowed to myself, no matter what man, boyfriend, husband is in my life, to not ever lean on him the way I did Mark, because I need to lean on God. I could be wrong.....my life could end tomorrow and all these things that I feel in my heart could never happen, but I really, honestly feel like God has this plan for me. He knew the choices I was going to make and he knew what everything in my life was going to happen, but no matter what choices that I made, he still stirs me on the path he wants me to go down. He will take, pull, push, grab, bring in people in my life to make sure that I am on the straight and narrow path, no matter the heartache or confusion it may bring. Because I know Gods plan is in affect and though I don't see it now, I can honestly see it playing out to get me ready. Some people whom I love, I KNOW I cant have in my life and it kills me, because I miss them, but I know, one day I will look back and see and understand.
Another thing, maybe I'm just seeing or God wants me to see is how other people live their lives. I know I don't live mine perfect, but I see how people don't really depend and trust God. They are out living their life the best way they can or just living for themselves, but still struggle with everyday life. I can see that they don't have God in their life or that God isn't a main factor. Trust me, Ive done this, but I feel like I can show them or witness to them what is missing. God has really just been opening my heart and mind lately. I'm trying to stay focused on Him and what he wants me to do. I need to take this time that I'm in my 60 day wait of my divorce and really just focused on this new life that God is giving me a second chance at. I don't want to mess it up and I want his blessings to pour on me.
So as long as I am the sheep, I want to follow my Shepherd in the direction he wants me to go. I want him to stir me down the path of righteousness and I want to be blessed. God knows what lies ahead for me and Jesus is there walking with me, so I cant be afraid and I cant jump to far down the road, but just know and understand that no matter what, I need to worship and honor God in everything I do!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment