My new job is going great! I'm still in training and my body has adjusted to this time frame and I love my new coworkers. I know in a few weeks its going to change and Ill be working evenings/nights, and my body will have to readjust again, but I cant complain about my life. I love all my jobs and wouldn't change one of them.
Then out of the blue, this man walks into my life. I wasn't looking for anyone and in fact I was really happy and content being by myself and was looking forward to working hard and paying some debt off. I have asked him numerous of times, "Where did you come from?" I have always prayed for God to send a man to me when I was ready and when he was ready. God has just showed me over and over, my time, is not Gods time. This scenario is a little bit different, because I was actually at a peaceful place being single and God put a man in my life when I had to search deep down and pray for a possible future relationship.
We started talking on the phone and he asked me to dinner. We met at a restaurant, had dinner and to be honest, I wasn't looking into it much. I have had a wall up for so long that I was just going to get to know someone, possibly gain a new friend. I met him, we ate dinner and then we drove around a bit. He took me places out in the country that I never even been too and Ive lived here almost my whole life. Then we went to the lake, sat down on a bench and watched the moon light on the water and talked.
I was still getting used to my work schedules and my body wasn't used to it, so the whole first week I didn't see him. He had asked me to see each other or to grab something to eat, but I said no everytime. I honestly wasn't needing to see or be around someone alot and I enjoyed my time alone. Then one night I met up with him again and we talked some more and spent time getting to know each other. Funny story is we were sitting at a peak, but technically was a park and we were in his truck and a cop came and asked for our IDs. I guess Brian didn't know that you arnt allowed to be at a park past midnight, but I did, but the area we were at didn't seem like a park, so I didn't think nothing of it. He looked at both of our IDs and asked us how old we were, because we both have the same birthday. Brian said 28 and I looked at him funny and then he was like, "Oh, 27!" I said, "We both have the same birthdays." Then he asked both of us if anyone is being held against our will. I don't know what we looked like, but I found it funny. I told Brian, I should of shook my head yes and had a fearful look on my face, but he didn't find that too funny! haha
So the next time we see each other, he took me to Graham for a double feature at the drive in movies.
We ate a bunch of movie food and enjoyed being outside, even though I
got ate up by a bunch of mosquito's. He took me after that to a place
where he hunts and it was a bit creepy, but hey....were still kids and
like to live on the wild side.The second week into talking, he had been praying for us and asking God to open or close a door for any future relationship. I hadn't been praying because I still had my wall up and so one day he asked me to pray. I remember one morning waking up and saying a prayer. I texted him and told him I prayed and a few hours later, my best friend texts me at work and says this:
"I need to tell you something. That Brian guy, I don't know what it is, but I think hes going to be the man you marry."
I looked at it kinda funny and actually had this tear roll down my face. My friend never had met him and saw one pic of him before we even when on our first date. My other friend prior to this even told me, "Your going to marry him". Never have my friends approved of any man that I have talked too and now all of a sudden, I have my wall up and their telling me that I'm going to marry this man. Later I had also went to dinner with another friend and she told me, "I knew this one was different".
After I prayed and let part of my wall down, there was something very special about this man. He was everything I asked for and more. I went to dinner with a friend and God had placed something on my heart. God reminded me of a list that I made over 2 years ago of what I want my future husband to be like. One night I was at dinner and I pulled it out of my purse that I carried with me ever since, but never looked at or even thought about. I handed it to her and asked her to read it, knowing that I couldn't remember what I wrote. Everything she read was Brian. The only thing that was not, was he graduated a year after I did and that's because my mom put me a year ahead in school, so technically, I was supposed to be an 04' graduate.
Never in my life, when writing that list, would I ever expect it to be 99% accurate. In fact over the past couple of years, I even added a few more, like a Baptist man and family who still are married and have the same beliefs and morals. I never thought that there actually would be a man, in this time and day, who would think and believe almost the exact as me. I have an "old school" mind frame, with waiting till your married and going through the proper steps as in dating, relationship, engagement, marriage, children and everything these days are so backwards and messed up and I just thought that maybe I was wanting something that didn't exist.
Not only is
he everything that I ever wanted, but he wants to lead me in Christ.
He holds my hand and prays with me and for the first time in my life, I
want to submit to him like a woman should to a man. We have this
respect and understanding for each other and he has this way of calming
me down. He teaches a college class at his church and I want to go to
church with him and help with these young adults. There really are no
words to why I want too or why I want to submit to this man or why he is
everything that I want and need, but I have to think its a God thing.I remember when we opened up to each other about how we felt, he told me, "Now we need to be prepared of being attacked". He was talking about the devil coming after us to ruin something that we have felt God has brought together. The enemy never wants happiness with anyone and when something seems right and even more, from God, we knew that it was about to start.
I got hit first. One day at work, I had this mini anxiety attack out of the blue with fear that we wernt meant to be and that I'm going to get hurt and I cant trust him, all these random thoughts. I had texted like 4 friends and asked for prayer, because the fear I felt, I knew wasn't from the Lord. After about 3 hours, I calmed down, but knew it had started. I would still have these thoughts that would come out of nowhere all the time. Partially I think its because of my past relationships and the unfaithfulness that I feel like will happen again and I feel that if I keep my wall up, I will be secure and protected, but since each day I'm letting my wall down, I am giving myself more to him and more of being hurt, then I get scared.
I know its so soon to tell what may happen, if we in fact will get married one day or after 3 months he gets tired of me and my craziness and we depart ways, but right now, we are praying and building this relationship on God and He is our number 1 focus. We both have agreed that if God shuts this door, that it will suck, but we trust that His will, will be done in our lives and that we will fight until God says no more.
So we do share the same birthday, same year and we have big plans for our birthday this year that I'm super excited about. I have to admit that my birthday has been all about me, probably because I'm an only child, but I actually love the fact of sharing the same birthday with someone with the same year and having great birthdays together.
I do feel blessed at this part of my life and still look up to God with my head tilted, wondering why this great man walked into my life at this point, but I cant complain. I have been working on living each day and seeing where God directs me and I'm trying to not dwell on it too much or look too far ahead. I do need to try and update more on my blog, because I miss sharing my life and the amazing things God does for me!!!
GOD is great and I pray that each one reading this, will always trust and have faith in God that His will is better than our own!
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| He got me flowers......just because!! |
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| dinner at Saumari! :) |
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| my fortune....couldnt ask for a better one! |
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| cooking me lunch! :) |
