Just 1

I put this in my facebook status: I'm not a big New Year kinda gal....I mean when looking back, you think about each year and what happened in it...some are better than others and some are worse....2010 for me was alright....had some lows....a little highs....but I had so much hope for 2010 that I was let down and I don't know what to think for 2011. Its true....


I woke up this morning around 5am and realized what my New Year Resolution is going to be. I'm not going to have 10 of them...I'm simply going to have just 1. In fact, I didn't want to forget what I was going to say or what I wanted it to be, that I had my phone there with me and sent myself 2 text messages. This is what it is....

TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I worry about the future too much....I think about the past too much....I want to enjoy and live in the moment....to love and realize everything that I have at that moment....I cant predict the future....I cant go back in time, but I can make what I have now at this moment anything that I want it to have....love, excitement, fun, tears, laughs, hope, faith and anything that my heart would desire.

I want to enjoy the now moments. I want to let go of the past and only remember the life touching moments, the lessons and remember who I have waiting in heaven for me. I want to think of the future as only wonderful times and great things to look forward too. I want to love everyone around me.

My hopes for 2010, were high. I normally don't put my hopes up so high, because I hate to be disappointed. I have to say, I was disappointed in a way. My friend and I made a pack...a vow....that this was our year. She even told me the other day, she cant wait for the year to finish. Though, I feel like I cant complain. I have my health...hubby and I have been working on a better lifestyle. I still have my grandpa here and hes amazing. I didn't get the baby I wanted. Though I did get pregnant with my Baby Love, but she went up to be with her brothers. I'm not setting my hopes up high for 2011. I'm simply going to be living in the moment,enjoying and soaking up all the ups and downs.











Christmas













Christmas



















My grandpas 81st bday















Grandpas Birthday






















Missions Baseball game (June)


















Missions game



















My 25th birthday (October)















Birthday flowers





















VBS (August)
















Positive Pregnancy Test (June)
















Ranger Game (May)


















Molly died (August)












Ranger game

















Jeremy Camp Concert (April)

















Spring Break in Dallas





















Spring Break






















Redid Kitchen (February)
















Christmas























Thanksgiving





























Missions Game



















Thanksgiving










This is a glimpse of the past year....sorry they arnt in order, but for some reason my blog is a pain when trying to order them, they don't move!!!


This year has been memorable....but I'm ready to make some new memories!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful New Years!!

December 31

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." -Revelation 22:13


New Years Eve

December 30

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness... -2Timothy 4:7,8

December 29

And we know that in all things God works for the good of all who love him. -Romans 8:28

December 28

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. -Jeremiah 17:14

December 27

My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun... -Malachi 1:11

December 25/26

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. -Luke 2:14

25-Christmas Day
26-Kwanzaa Begins
26-Boxing Day

December 24

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel with means, "God with us." -Matthew 1:23

Christmas Eve

December 23

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven... -Ecclesiastes 3:1

December 22

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.... -Romans 5:5

December 21

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. -Proverbs 4:18

First Day of Winter
Full Moon

December 20

"...My Father will honor the one who serves me." -John 12:26

December 18/19

Mightier than the thunder of the great water, mightier then the breakers of the sea- the Lord on high is mighty. -Psalm 93:4

a new year?! :-/

Here was my last years resolutions...
To have a healthy, beautiful baby and pregnancy X Didnt happen

To appreciate Gods blessings more X I think maybe I strayed instead

To be a better wife, friend, person and grandchild X I think I got worse

To help others know Christ X I didnt do it as much as I would of liked

To not stress over my health and dieing all the time and just enjoy living I think I got better with some meds

To lose some weight, that I may be healthier I have been trying

To not judge eh....yes and no

To not be selfish I think I have worked on this alot

To not be jealous I think I have worked alot on this too

To be a happy person and smile more Latley, its all been frowns

To see Mark become a daddy X That didnt happen


I dont know what to think about this past year. I think we went farther into debt, my grandpa went into the hospital and they never found out what the problem was, and I had an ectopic pregnancy. I really went into 2010, thinking this was going to be MY year, but that didnt happen. It didnt even come close. This past Christmas kinda stunk. Mark and I have been having issues. But I dont want to think of the negative. I cant go back into time and change things. I want to move on and look on the new things to happen. Im going to try and go into 2011 and put all the bad and negative behind me and think positive. I hate searching for something that I dont know if I will ever have. I hate dreaming and wonder if what I want, will I ever get? I want to focus on what I do have. I have an amazing husband....a loving grandfather....we have our health, which we are trying to improve. We want to lose weight, pay off bills, get another vehicle. I want to try and pay my tithe right and not fall behind every again. I want to smile more and laugh often. I want to live in the moment and not harp on the past and future. I want to be better wife, friend, and grandchild. These arnt my New Years Resolutions...these are what I want for ever... I want to be a different person that who Ive become. I want to cry to God and lean on him in the trouble times. I want to feel his embrace when Im sad and confused.

Over the next few days, Im going to think about what I want for this next year. I know some things I cant control and will not happen and some things that I didnt want to happen will. Thats life. My biggest fear is to lose Mark and my grandpa. I would love to have my grandpa here until the rapture just with me and Mark and hopefully a child or children of ours. Hes the only parent I have left and I know it would be hard to not have him around, to talk too, to pick on, lol, to love.

Whatever happens in 2011, I hope its a good year....I want it to be the best!!

This and that

YOUR RESULTS You will likely be most fertile between Wednesday January 5, 2011 and Sunday January 9, 2011 If you conceived this cycle your estimated due date would be October 2, 2011


It would be cool to be due around my birthday. I mean, its clearly up to God and I don't think we are going to try this month. I have a Dr's appointment on the 13th, so it will be after ovulating anyways. I just like to look and see when and where I would be at certain points of time.

I called my insurance today to see what they will do about counseling, and they will pay for 30 sessions a year. I had to call a counselor, but she never answered the phone or returned my calls, so....lol. I need to see if she takes insurance.

I had to change my ticker at the top, cause I started a day early. I mean technically, I was spotting pink the day before, but I guess I'm not going to count that. I think it will be good for us, to just take a break and concentrate on us and other things. Even though....I would love to have a Libra baby, but at the same time, I don't care. Its up to God!!

the picture is bath toys...haha....I want some

Crazy

So...its official....AF showed up today when I was heading to work, or during work...not sure, but I had cramps. You know how I told you, the other day I took a test and it was negative? Here it is! Its a negative! Then today, I took an OPK test, and there was a line in it. I didnt get excited, but yesterday I had spotted pink and then it went away, nothing for like 24 hours. So thats why I went ahead and took the OPK test, cause I know they can show a positive. I saw it, but didnt say anything to Mark, cause I still was achy like period. Im glad I didnt, because she came when he was at work...when I was at work. Im okay....my hormones are starting to go back to normal. They have been crazy all week. Probably why Mark and I have been argueing...Im sure its mostly my fault with my crazy personalities of hormonal change.

I dont know...I know this time last year, I said, I hope to have a baby in 2010. Well, we did get pregnant, but it ended in ectopic. We are now another year older, another year wiser, but no baby in belly or arms yet. I guess we will see.

Tough times

Ive said before, this is my favorite time of the year and it will be memorable as one of the worst so far. Nothing serious has happened, but its just been a down and negative time for us. Yesterday, Mark and I talked about seperating. We have been fighting alot and its been hard on us. He told me, Im like his roommate and I agree. We dont really know what it is. We blame it on the baby making. We no longer make love, its just sex. I took a test today, and it was negative. I dont feel pregnant at all, so I was expecting it. Im used to seeing no lines, so its not very disheartning. But we did talk about going to counseling before we make any rash decisions. We've gotten along alot better today and have been nicer to each other. I know we love each other, but its hard. I know all couples have their ups and downs, and good and bad moments, and were not going to run out and get a divorce. I dont beleive in those, unless the worst, like cheating or something.

We are trying to make the best out of this Christmas and we need to remember the real reason. We need to stand back and look that we have good health, and we have each other and we can pay our bills and we have clothes on our back.

I know during the holidays, its tough on Mark. Hes far from his family, he dosent get to spend it with them....nothing fancy is going on here, the same ole thing every year. Why not go to SA one year? Well...Ive never had a Christmas not away from home. I couldnt imagine hopping from one house to another on Christmas. Its not a reason and excuse, but honestly, around this time, we dont have the extra money and no one else does. So I know Mark lashes out at me, because Im the reason why hes not there. Ya know? I get it.....he dosent blame me, but its there...those are the facts.

We dont know yet, if we want to take it to the next step in January, or just concentrate on ourselves. I guess we will find out more as we pray about it.

But Ive made up my mind.......Im going to make this a great Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






My babies ornaments....I need to get my baby girl one

New Job

I start my new job today...yep that's right....today!!! The day before Christmas Eve. I don't know what to say about it. I'm kinda bitter, but I think its because its right before Christmas and its all happening in my 2 week vacation. I started doing my bathroom and now that's not going to get done before Christmas like I planned. I had to rush yesterday and had a bad day yesterday, trying to finish my last of shopping. I'm kinda nervous about tonight....Ive never worked a retail job before and its a job that I really don't need. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I really want this job, because I know it will help out alot in the summer time and it will be less stressful to what I'm going to be doing until then. But I think deep down, its like a sure thing that I'm not going to get pregnant. I don't want to work 2 jobs when I'm pregnant. I don't even know I want to work one job being pregnant. With all my losses, I'm such a high risk already and with one kidney. I think all I would want to do , is stay home and nurture my baby. But I don't care anymore right, about having a baby? Ugghh.....This just sucks. I don't anymore....I want to scream....I want to run away....I want to cry.

Why is this Christmas stink so far? Is it because we broke records high on weather this week in the 80's? Is it because I'm starting a new job? Is it because now that I'm closer to my period, I know that I'm not pregnant? Is it because, I'm moody and cranky, because of PMS? Is it because, yesterday was a really bad day for me, because the bank wouldn't cash a check, because it was made out to my business name and not me? Was it because there were so many people yesterday shopping and I had no clue what to buy my husband? Is it because, I think that we will never catch up on our bills? Is it because I'm starting a new job today and I'm nervous and anxious cause its at night time, so I have all day to rack up my nerves?

I have so much to be blessed, but yet, I want to complain all the time. I hate that....I am so blessed, and yet I haven't sat back and realized what Christmas is all about lately.

Please help me pray for peace and to be calm and to realize that I am blessed!!! I know it, but I want to feel all these things!!

Im gloomy

I don't know what it is....usually around this time of year, I would be ecstatic because Christmas is this week, but lately, Ive been stressed and gloomy. I put my application in for another job. Not to replace my other one, but to add another one for the weekends. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do. But I'm trying to think of the summer, when no income is coming in on my half. That really puts a dent in our money for 3 whole months and then it takes 3 months or so, just to try and catch up. But the school year is already half way over and we could always use some extra money. I just don't want to have to work 7 days a week or even 6 honestly. I guess if it gets far enough and I go into an interview, then I will tell her that. I woke up early today, because she told me to call her Monday at 10am. Well....shes off today, lol.

Also another reason why I'm gloomy is because I really don't feel pregnant. I don't have any signs and symptoms. Whats new right? This happens all the time, but coming January we were going to take the next steps. I honestly, don't know if I want too. I think mentally, I'm coming to the end of my ropes. Yes, that's right. I'm thinking about just throwing in the towel and giving up. Sometimes I don't even see me with a kid, I cant visualize it. Maybe its supposed to be, just Mark and I forever. We come and go as we please, we plan things, no worries of any babies, we get our sleep. Maybe this is what God has in store for us. For some sick reason.....I like it!!

We really don't have money to be forking out on IUI's and I don't know if I even want to go that route to get pregnant. I got pregnant twice and for some reason I cant keep them. Maybe theres just something wrong with me and I'm incapable to carry a baby to full term. I think if I was to get pregnant, I honestly don't think I would enjoy it. I would be a miserable wreck the whole intire time and every little thing, I would freak out. That doesn't seem enjoyable either.

I guess what I'm trying to say is....I'm tired!!! I want to enjoy life without the constant worries of when I'm Oing or when we have to BD. I'm tired of wondering in my 2ww if I'm going to harm a baby that may or may not be growing inside of me. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and then them come crashing down each and every month. I'm tired of putting my husband through a schedule and telling him he cant take his medicine (long story). I'm tired of trying to make love making "fun", when really, I'm not in the mood. I'm tired....mentally, physically, emotionally of it all.

Next month will be 3 years since we started to have a family of our own. I guess in 3 years if we don't already then, maybe its not for us. Yes, I know there are women that tried and waited a whole lot longer than that, but maybe they are just stronger and more determined.

So I'm going to stop being gloomy and enjoy my Christmas!!!

Shower Drain

My shower drain has been clogged. It was getting clogged and we knew it, because it took forever to drain all the water. But then it finally just stopped draining. Mark looked up stuff on the internet to buy, maybe a took or something that plumbers use, but they were like 1-200.00 and we didnt want to spend the money on that. Then Mark found this stuff and he read the reviews and it seemed promising. We went to Home Depot and got some and at first, the first day, it didnt work. I was upset, I was like man...now what are we going to do? Then Mark decided to use the whole bottle and see what happens. Sure enough it worked. We havent really taken a full shower for it, because it just happened today but I would recommend it. I know the problem was from my hair. It gets like that every 5 or so years and we have to hire a plumber to come out and get it all out. But this stuff dissolves it and whatever is blocking it. It comes in a bag because its so harmful and powerful and you have to throw it away in a bag, so if you ever need to get it, just be careful. The stuff is only $7.98 plus tax.

Redo Bathroom

So I started on redoing my bathroom yesterday. I had went and got paint and it turned out to be pink, so I had to wait the next day and go get it redone. We spent about 30 minutes and oh...about 10 tries to get it to close to what I like. I also got a new cabinet and little stand table thingy (the picture) for my bathroom. But the more I keep painting, the more I want to take a different route. I want it to be cheerful and chic, but I have a dark wine color. I thought I would want it warm and a unisex room, because my grandpa uses it more, since Mark and I have our own bathroom. But its so dark in there. I'm hoping once its done and I get everything put up and some decorations, that it wont look so bad. I have done that with alot of rooms. I had one vision and then when it started out, I didn't like it, or I changed my mind.

Also, I was thinking...what if I'm pregnant? I mean, I don't know, I'm in my 2ww. I don't feel pregnant though, at all. I just don't want to do anything to harm my baby or also, start something and it look like crap, till I can finish it, lol. My husband hates to redo stuff. He will help a little bit, but its from me begging him. I know he would rather be doing something else, but doing this is for everyone. Everyone does use the bathroom, lol. Also, hes off till after Christmas and I'm off till January 4th, I think. So between us, maybe we can whip it and get it done. I wish I had alot of money to redo alot in my bathroom. We need need light fixtures and cabinets, but Ill just have to paint those and deal with the lights until later.

I have been really random and out there today, so sorry if this post don't make sense

A little update

I know I have had numerous AF's with so many cycles, and I know you don't get any signs and symptoms till later, closer to your period. But lately since ovulation, Ive had lower back and front abdomen pains. I normally don't have that, but I'm not sure if its from the clomid or what. I'm not saying I'm pregnant, but I do think its weird, why Ive been having this.....
does anyone know why this is happening or what its caused from?

Blessings and tithe

I don't know if I have said lately how money is just really tight. It seemed like since the summer when we thought we would be able to catch up and put some money back for our savings and catch up on bills, something would happen. Our air-conditioner went out in August, I had to buy a new battery for my car, then something else with the battery went out and I had to buy that the next month. It was nuts. I was so worried about Christmas, because it was vastly approaching. But when I did my bills for December...for the first time in a LONG time, I came out with extra. I was ecstatic!! I mean....the month that I would miss 2 paychecks and I wasn't negative was amazing. Then, I still had my upcoming paychecks, that I could sit aside and also Mark owed me money for bills.

I have to go back and say though....I pay my tithes, but since the summer, I had been holding the checks, because I wasn't working. Then I realized that I was like over $1000.00 behind. Its crazy!!! I was so stressed out as to what I was going to do. I know God knew in my heart that if I had that money I would of paid it all, but there was no way that I was going to catch up. So I went to my grandpa, because I pay our tithes together, and asked him to help pray for our situation. I never got my answer at first, but in my heart, I have felt peace, that God has said, to do away with it, but start over now.

Then December hits, and I have all this money....what do I do??? Of course....I pay tithe!!! He has given me all these blessings, and all he asked for is 10%. Money is rolling in, and what do I get in the mail today, THAT I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL???? A check!!!! What??? I looked at Mark and said....Look at Gods Blessings!!!

Mark is really weird about his tithe. He never knew about tithe growing up, so he doesn't really know how important it is and what you can get from God and the miracles and blessings, of Him taking care of you, when you pay tithe. Alot of people, don't want to give 10%....that their paychecks are so small, it wont matter, or OH its not that big of a deal, but it is!!!

I want everyone to think...when we pray to God...we always ask God for things and for help and for blessings and what not. But he doesn't really ask us for anything, but just a few things. Which as Christians, as saved people who love and follow Him, should want too.

I admit what I did was wrong....I shouldn't of held them. But one of my New Years resolutions, is putting tithe and everything first with God. It should of been like that, but hey....I'm not perfect :)

I know that as long as I do what I'm supposed too, I will be blessed with all my needs, NOT wants. Should You Tithe?

WHO: Whoever desires to worship God.

WHAT: Giving first 10% of income to God.

WHEN: Whenever you receive income.

WHERE: Where you have been fed the Word of God.

WHY: To worship God and to receive His blessings.

HOW: By faith, diligently, promptly, cheerfully.

Malachi 3:8 (King James Version)

3:1 Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the LORD, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.

3:2 But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire, and like fullers' soap:

3:3 And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness.

3:4 Then shall the offering of Judah and Jerusalem be pleasant unto the LORD, as in the days of old, and as in former years.

3:5 And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the LORD of hosts.

3:6 For I am the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.

3:7 Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return?

3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

3:9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

3:11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.

3:12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.

3:13 Your words have been stout against me, saith the LORD. Yet ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee?

3:14 Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

3:15 And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.

3:16 Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

3:17 And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

3:18 Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not.

December 17

Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come. -Revelation 4:8

December 16

How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an eternal kingdom, his dominion endures from generation to generation. -Daniel 4:3

December 15

"In my Father's house are many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you." -John 14:2

December 14

If the Lord delights in man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. -Psalm 37:23,24

December 13

On, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God... -Romans 11:33

December 11/12

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation... -Exodus 15:2

December 10

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. -Ephesians 4:3

December 9

He who seeks good finds good will... -Proverbs 11:27

Hanukkah Ends

December 8

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress I will never be shaken. -Psalm 62:2

December 7

...let us pull aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. -Romans 13:12

Pearl Harbor
Remembrance Day

December 6

Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men... -Proverbs 2:12

December 4/5

"...let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16

5- New Moon

December 3

"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved..." -John 10:9

December 2

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. -Psalm 18:28

Hanukkah Begins

December 1

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. -Psalm 20:7

November 30

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. -I John 1:7

November 29

There is no one holy like the Lord...there is no Rock like our God. -I Samuel 2:2

November 27/28

..."Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." -John 20:21

November 26

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. -Proverbs 11:3

Our Christmas Card 2010

Mark doesn't really like our card this year. He said it doesn't look Christmasy, lol But I honestly, ran out of town, and we took some quick shots of us and I just played with it. We don't care for the pictures, but it will have to do this year!

A fertility prayer

Fertility prayer to receive the gift of a new baby


Almighty Creator, hear this fertility prayer and the wishes of my heart.
You know my deep desire for a child -- a little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image. Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby's birth are in line with Your will. Heavenly Father, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.Amen!




(my friend from cafemom sent this to me.....I love it!)

Bad day at work

I dont know if it was me being sick, or me just really waiting for my 2 week vacation. I dont want to do anything at work and my boss wants me to do everything. On top of it, it was long, with a teachers meeting and then right after a school board meeting. Every little nit pick things were getting to me....to the old man sipping his drink (ahhhh) or to my boss always asking me to do something, or to them making ME hold the papers, when clearly that is not my job. I hate getting ran over and belittled. I pray for God to guide me somewhere else sometimes. But then the 2 week vacation will happen and then we will come back and I will be ready to take on the challenge.

I dont understand my boss sometimes and they way she does things and the way she thinks. I question her actions all the time, and wonder why that is. I know God has has a reason why he wants me here and I truly do enjoy my job for the most part. I know everyone has their ups and downs at work, and maybe today was just it!!

Strep Throat?

I went to the Dr the other day, because my throat was swollen again. When I say swollen, I mean, so swollen that I cant lay down and sleep, because I wake up grasping for air. I had to sleep in the recliner all night Thursday night. Now, a few weeks ago, when I was sick with it, I had many nights sleeping up in the recliner. But anyways....the time I went before, they checked to see if I had strep and the test came back negative. The Dr was surprised, because he said it looked horrible and that I had so many little white spots on the back of my throat. He gave me some antibiotics, but those things were so big, that I didnt finish it. Its hard to swallow some honky pill when your throat is already so swollen it feels like its closing. But my throat got better, but when it started to flare up again, I started to take them again.

Well, I broke down and went to the Dr. This time, I got to see MY Dr. I had went early in the morning and he didnt have any openings, which that would of meant, I would of seen the urgent care Dr, which is who I saw last time. I didnt want that, and they said my Dr. had an opening at 2:30, so I waited. I finally got to see him and he said it looked terrible and he even sniffed my breath, because he said Strep has a certain smell. He didnt smell it, but he tested it again and it was negative. He didnt believe it, lol, so he got ANOTHER swab of my throat and is sending it off.

I love my Dr. Do you realize, how easy and comfortable it is for me to talk to him. He jokes because, when I see him, I have a million questions, and he is like... "Does your brain, ever slow down?" He said, its part of my ADD. Which I didnt know I had till he told me, lol. But anyways...then he goes to Mark...Is this why your so quiet? I said...Pshhh....he never listens to me. The Dr. then says...Its probably because he has to tune you out cause he cant keep up with you. lol.....I didnt know I was that bad, but I did notice I was cutting him off alot. lol...

He did get mad at me, for taking clomid and not telling anyone. He said, since I had an ectopic with being on clomid before, then I need to be extra careful being on it again. I mean, dont get me wrong....I thought about my risk. I would hate to have an ectopic and something really bad happen. We prayed about it and I thought this was the right thing.

Testing

I took another test today around the same time I had been taking the other ones. It kinda looked like the ones yesterday. Its really bright, but once it drys it goes like the ones before. We have been bding since we got the first one, so we are good in that area, but still, I would like to know the exact time I am ovulating.




The first picture shows it after its dried. It looks just like the other one, maybe a little darker. Now the second picture is what yesterdays looked like when it was still fresh. I wanted yall to see what I saw yesterday. When I was posting it, they started to look the same, but yesterday, this is what I saw on CD13.

Either way, its out of our hands. Its all up to God and His plan. Ive done everything we could this month and Im leaving it up to Him.

Positive

We got a positive on my Ovulating test. I know not to test till around a few days before I ovulate, so theres no point in me wasting all those test before then. I started testing yesterday CD 12 and it was almost dark, but I know it needed probably one more day. So I tested today and it was dark. Dark as the line. I am so happy to see that my Ovulation is right on track. I know it has been off the past few months and its been late and sometimes I don't even know if I even ovulated. Now I know its on track and I hope this is our month. We have been doing what we are supposed too and I do think that Robitussin has been working. If I don't get pregnant this month and that's clearly up to God, then we have a Dr's appointment with the GYN on January 13th. We will ask and see and find out what we need to do next.

Until then....I hope everyone has been getting their Christmas shopping done and is ready for Christmas. I, on the other hand, have not shopped yet. I have one more week of school left and then Ill be off for two weeks, so Ill go shopping then.

looking at the picture, they look the same color now....Ill try tomorrow

Robutisin

I'm going to try it this month. I mean, Ive known in the past it helps with your CM, but I never really went ahead and did it. But since I'm taking clomid again and it can cause your CM to dry up, I'm going to use it to help. Ive been trying to read about it more and what I can do....the simple things.
We need to BD every other night....and really do it without any excuses. I need to check my O....I haven't the past few months. I need to lose weight and exercise more. I need to drink more water. I need to take my vitamins and folic acid.

I sit here and really want a baby, but sometimes I feel like I'm not putting my part in it. Everyday is different though. Some days, I push myself and is ready for a baby. Other days, I'm tired and worn out and kinda don't care.

I need to motivate myself and make me feel good and feel confident.

My twins due date

My twins due date is today.....2 years ago!! Wow....to think I would of had twins running around, entering into their terrible twos. Its crazy to think how much different my life would be. Also, 2 years ago today, my great-uncle died. Lets just say, two years ago today, pretty much sucked.

I miss my boys. I miss my baby girl. I know they are in heaven, with Jesus and me and Mark pray for them to know just how much we love them.

Until one day, my precious babies.....mommy and daddy are going to give you tons of kisses!!

My husband

I really do have a great husband. He has ALWAYS been there for me...during the loss of my mom, staying with me in the hospital during my cancer, to standing next to me while I was miscarrying and getting things I needed. But I do have to put him on a pedastool for a moment.

Last night we had went to Sonic, to grab some drinks and ice cream, while we looked at Christmas lights. Well, our food cost around 11 dollars and Mark gave her a $20.00 and said keep the change. He looked at me and winked, but the lady kept digging in her coin thing for change, I guess she didnt hear him. Then he said it again and you should of seen the ladys face. She was like...OMGOODNESS....and while we were backing up to leave, she was walking off counting her tip and she said out loud again, OHMYGOODNESS!!! I mean, its crazy sometimes, how some 9 dollars and some change can make someones whole day. Mark reminded me last night, its always good to do something good for someone else and hes right!! God will bless you for helping others.

And in return, you never know their money problems. I have seen and heard many stories (including it happening to me) where someone got some money from someone and didnt even know or expect it was coming. God will always take care of your needs. Even though sometimes, I complain how broke we are....are have our bills paid, we can always do extra, we arnt worried about getting our utlities cut off. Thats all God....providing!