I spent about 3-4 hours today playing with new collages and redoing my blogs. I have officially started back up my photography blog. --->CHECK IT OUT HERE<--- . I am hoping to keep it up and have more photo shoots as fall and Christmas come around. I also changed my heading picture because.....well.....summer is over. I felt like it was such a summer picture and maybe its because Im ready for fall and to drag all my fall decorations out that I needed to start and change my blog. It was time to update anyways.
Now my photography blog was sooooo outdated. It had Valentines Day wallpaper and heading and it was just needing a whole new make over.
So Im keeping this short.......go check em out!! :)
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Dont read this.....just horrible
I wasn't going to write tonight, but here it is at 3am and I should be asleep, but I'm not. I was just browsing on facebook, looking up a new cover for my facebook and I went to the page I always go too, to get some encouraging graphics.
So here it is, what? 3 weeks after my divorce and I wonder when the next guy that God wants me to have will come in my life or when he will reveal him to me. I mean, why am I in a hurry? Why cant I just live life and when it happens, it happens? I do miss affection and I loved being a wife.
I realized that guys who have been married before and ones who haven't are totally different. Nothing is better than the other, but Ive noticed the husband role the guys who have been married act compared to the ones who haven't really been in that commitment before. I think I'm more drawn to the married style more. I just feel like when I'm with them, its more comfortable. The single guys who I have hung out with who haven't been married, kinda still watch out for themselves and you can sense the "selfishness" per se of it all. The guys who have been married before, offer to pay for food, open the doors, protect you, and just know how to act with women better and I know its all because they have already lived that way with their ex wives.
I also think once you been married and is still young like me, you know what you want. Someone who hasn't been married, still want to live the dream of getting married and spending forever with their soulmate. Don't get me wrong, I still want that too, but I also have lived of 'till death do us part' crashing to the ground. So when I'm around a guy who has been previously married, its more like a deeper and comfortable feeling, cause I feel like its a personal bond knowing about reality and what love and hurt is truly like. In more simple terms............I feel like a 'single' person, doesn't really know what its like to have someone break a marriage. I understand that single people can love and be heartbroken as the next person, but truthfully, when you stand before God and you become husband and wife and you share that commitment, you feel the vow.......or least I did. So when your spouse breaks your vow, ...............okay.........in divorce class, they gave us a graphic that said when your married, your united as one, so you are one whole person in Christs eyes......well when you get divorce, your vow is broken, you don't just split from that person, you and that person will always have a piece of each other, no matter what. I feel it.......now that I am no longer married to Mark, nothing can take away what once was.
My days are getting better and better as I live more and more and have more memories. I cant even express how I feel. This is driving me insane!!!!! I feel free!!!!! I feel like I have the whole world in front of me and its just waiting on my parade. Then I have days where I want my life to be where I want it, married with a family. I cant just sit here and always think of what I want.....when I can be living life and sharing Jesus to others and writing my book and doing my photography and meeting new people. I told my friend tonight........"Were old enough to know better but young enough to still do it". Meaning, I meant, were old enough to still go and have fun and still live carefree and not have anything tie us down. We both don't have kids, but still old enough to splurge and get away with it, cause were still young. I had to step back a few weeks ago and realize that, I am 26 years old. I still have so much ahead of me. I still have a purpose for this life and I am still at that perfect age, that if I was going to start over, then my golly, Now is the perfect time!!!
I feel like God has been revealing to me, that either way what I want.....its not going to happen. Everything is going to happen in his time, when he feels like I'm ready. I just keep putting my trust in him and he keeps letting me have fun while I wait. Its really an amazing feeling when you just give it all to him. I'm really at peace. Do I wish some things were different? of course.....but this is my life....this is what it is on August 24, 2012. Ask me next week and it might be different.
I think its getting late.....I can tell I'm rambling and I'm pretty sure I'm still going to post this, just because, I'm Joy Rachel!!!! :) If you really knew me, you would know I don't make sense half the time and I mumble when I talk and my mind goes on and on and on...... :) gotta love me!!! :)
So here it is, what? 3 weeks after my divorce and I wonder when the next guy that God wants me to have will come in my life or when he will reveal him to me. I mean, why am I in a hurry? Why cant I just live life and when it happens, it happens? I do miss affection and I loved being a wife.
I also think once you been married and is still young like me, you know what you want. Someone who hasn't been married, still want to live the dream of getting married and spending forever with their soulmate. Don't get me wrong, I still want that too, but I also have lived of 'till death do us part' crashing to the ground. So when I'm around a guy who has been previously married, its more like a deeper and comfortable feeling, cause I feel like its a personal bond knowing about reality and what love and hurt is truly like. In more simple terms............I feel like a 'single' person, doesn't really know what its like to have someone break a marriage. I understand that single people can love and be heartbroken as the next person, but truthfully, when you stand before God and you become husband and wife and you share that commitment, you feel the vow.......or least I did. So when your spouse breaks your vow, ...............okay.........in divorce class, they gave us a graphic that said when your married, your united as one, so you are one whole person in Christs eyes......well when you get divorce, your vow is broken, you don't just split from that person, you and that person will always have a piece of each other, no matter what. I feel it.......now that I am no longer married to Mark, nothing can take away what once was.
My days are getting better and better as I live more and more and have more memories. I cant even express how I feel. This is driving me insane!!!!! I feel free!!!!! I feel like I have the whole world in front of me and its just waiting on my parade. Then I have days where I want my life to be where I want it, married with a family. I cant just sit here and always think of what I want.....when I can be living life and sharing Jesus to others and writing my book and doing my photography and meeting new people. I told my friend tonight........"Were old enough to know better but young enough to still do it". Meaning, I meant, were old enough to still go and have fun and still live carefree and not have anything tie us down. We both don't have kids, but still old enough to splurge and get away with it, cause were still young. I had to step back a few weeks ago and realize that, I am 26 years old. I still have so much ahead of me. I still have a purpose for this life and I am still at that perfect age, that if I was going to start over, then my golly, Now is the perfect time!!!
I feel like God has been revealing to me, that either way what I want.....its not going to happen. Everything is going to happen in his time, when he feels like I'm ready. I just keep putting my trust in him and he keeps letting me have fun while I wait. Its really an amazing feeling when you just give it all to him. I'm really at peace. Do I wish some things were different? of course.....but this is my life....this is what it is on August 24, 2012. Ask me next week and it might be different.
I think its getting late.....I can tell I'm rambling and I'm pretty sure I'm still going to post this, just because, I'm Joy Rachel!!!! :) If you really knew me, you would know I don't make sense half the time and I mumble when I talk and my mind goes on and on and on...... :) gotta love me!!! :)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wasnt feeling the photo shoot today
During the photo session she informs me that my face is just off, that I was using a fake smile. I could tell that I was and I wasn't being me. I was worried what she was seeing through the camera lens. I wanted to be able to see what I was doing and what I was looking like. I'm so used to being on the other side, that it was actually aggravating me that I couldn't see me. At the end I kind of just let go and just did my regular poses. I know some of them are copy cats. I wanted to try and get a good pic to redo my blog pic at the top, for the fall season. Some of these pics are the same with a different editing feel to them and also some are just me being silly and having a weird face. My friend did a good job, its just it was me.....Maybe one day with better lighting, we can get some better ones!!! Also we are our own worst critic right?
You may wonder why I keep putting songs on....its because the play list that I used to have wont allow any songs on any other website for now. So I share my favorite ones in the moment!!!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
10 years later
Its crazy to look back 10 years ago (technically 9 1/2years) and see how you age. I can see the innocent baby faced girl. I remember that day when I got my pictures taken. It was my senior year and it was an all day thing.
If I could go back in time and tell that girl anything or give any advice for what to expect over the next 10 years, I would tell her.......nothing........I would smile, hug her and tell her to enjoy life and never lose sight on God. I have said before, I wouldnt change anything that I have done or the way my life has gone. Its ultimelty not what I wanted (divorce, miscarriage, cancer, infertility issues), but this is me......this is my life and this defines who Joy Rachel is.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Back into photography
Since Mark left, my love for photography has been absent. Its crazy when you meet someone who loves it as much as you do, if not more, how your creative side just comes out. I feel like my new chapter is starting and its starting being creative. Today I went with the bestie to look at place for tomorrows shoot and I wanted to take pictures to get a set on the sunlight and when I grabbed my camera and stepped outside, I literally smiled. The camera felt good in my hand, its where it belonged. From the shoot today to just now getting done editing some of them, my mind kept thinking about it. After I got home, I knew I needed to do my Bible study. I had fallen behind, I wont lie, and since it was so beautiful outside today, I decided to take it out and get as much as I could before it got dark. Some of these scriptures on the pictures are some that I read today. I loved the editing of the pictures with the darker feel.
A night I needed
I had a friend come down from Lawton and we hung out for the first time Saturday night. We went to Saumari for dinner and decided to head to the mountains afterwards. We originally were going to go to the mountains the previous weekend and watch the stars fall, but something came up. I have been itching to get out of town for awhile, I have just felt like Wichita is suffocating me. I keep taking mini road trips, when in reality, I really just need to get away for a few days. I'm thinking that will be my birthday trip.
So after dinner we go back to my house so I can grab my camera and he takes photos too, so he brought his camera and his tripod. Well we had a storm come during the day and the sky seemed pretty clear when we were heading back to my house, but then the 5 minutes that it took me to go in, grab my camera and a change of clothes, the weather had changed. The clouds were dark and around this time it was getting dark. We head out toward Oklahoma and we just see this storm with bright, big bolts of lightening hitting all around. I was sure we wouldn't be able to go up there and get out. He had said that Texas gets all the rain and Oklahoma don't, so when we crossed the bridge, literally......the rain stopped and it was dry. It was funny....he was right.
So we turn on some music and jam out. Luckily he likes the exact same music as me, which is rare, considering I never met a man with the same taste of music. We both like dubstep and music with beats and then the good music.....slow music, some oldies, depression music....lol, ya know the regular.
We talk about life and I try and take some pics while he drives.....didn't turn out like I wanted too, but Ill still post them when I'm done. He takes the backway and shows me things I never seen and where he grew up and towns I never been in. We take a quick stop at a convenience store before we head up to the mountains for the bathroom, drinks, and of course gummy worms.
I didn't realize we were as close as we were cause it was dark, but after the stop, it was no time before we were there. The speed limit is like 30 because of all the wildlife. It was still fun to try and look for a longhorn or a wild animal, but I didn't see any. We pull in and get out and he wants to show me something. I don't know what it is or where we are going considering I really cant see anything at this point. So we start walking and hes using the light off of his phone. I couldn't see, so I grabbed his shirt, he was nice enough to let me hold on to his arm. We go and we start walking down the steps. There were 2 flights of steps and then we start crossing this bridge. I look over to my right and I see the water and a little boonie in the water and I can see the city lights over the mountain tops. I look up and see ALL of the stars. Its so dark outside that it takes me awhile to adjust my eyes and take in everything. Pretty soon he shows me the stars reflecting on the water. It was so quiet out there, that you could hear the fishes flopping in the water and some of the animals making noises in the distance. Then I look over the my left, on the other side of the bridge. It freaked me out. I looked over the ledge and it was like 500 feet deeper than the right side. We are on a bridge and the dam is under us. I literally got scared for a few minutes. I was contemplating on everything that was around me at that point. I was starting to question what bridge I was on, how stable it was or how its all attached. I'm telling you, its dark. I have NO clue what it looks like in the day time cause I haven't been out there, so I don't know what its really like.
I get over the initiative of me dieing and we go back to the car to get the cameras and equipment. He shows me or really, I wont lie....he played with my camera to make it so it will pick up the stars and everything in the dark. I loved it!!!! I love the sky and the universe. I think its something beautiful and when I look at what God created, like the stars and mountains, it gives me a sense of peace. I was really peaceful out there. It was so quiet and I didn't have a fear of being out there. It was one of those moments where I wont lie.....a kiss would of been nice.
Were out there for an hour or so and we decide to drive around the mountains and look around. I'm glad he knew where he was going. He showed me this one little place where it was creepy with the woods and it seemed like something from a scary movie. We drive, get gas, look at some cool houses and how they were built and then I try and take some pictures when we were going down the mountain, of the city lights.
We hit the highway and is heading back to Wichita. He asked me if I wanted to go to the casino and I said, Sure, why not!!! I was tired, but not really, to me the night was still kinda young. I just knew he still had to drive back, but we headed to the casino. We were there for about 45 to an hour and then left. We both won what we started off with, so we were happy. When we got back into town, I showed him a few places that I photographed and a few personal places of mine. We get to my house and I'm getting my stuff and I couldn't find my keys. I had to call my grandpa and he had to open the door at 3am. We hug and the nights over. I was tired and I know he was too. I really felt bad that he still had to drive all the way back. I should of offered for him to stay, but you know.......
So I had a really good time. It was laid back, go with the flow, lets do stuff on the whim. I like it that way, but I also like to know what I'm going to do. This was a good medium of having a clue of what we were doing. We already knew we were going to eat and he had already scoped out the area we went too before hand. It all worked out and I had good memories. I also enjoyed the photography and him teaching me a thing or two. I'm not 100% sure if he had fun or not, but ya know, this is my blog, through my eyes.
I wanted to share some photos of that day!
oh and the blue light pic is a light that was in his car....the train pic is a mural on the wall in Wichita
So after dinner we go back to my house so I can grab my camera and he takes photos too, so he brought his camera and his tripod. Well we had a storm come during the day and the sky seemed pretty clear when we were heading back to my house, but then the 5 minutes that it took me to go in, grab my camera and a change of clothes, the weather had changed. The clouds were dark and around this time it was getting dark. We head out toward Oklahoma and we just see this storm with bright, big bolts of lightening hitting all around. I was sure we wouldn't be able to go up there and get out. He had said that Texas gets all the rain and Oklahoma don't, so when we crossed the bridge, literally......the rain stopped and it was dry. It was funny....he was right.
So we turn on some music and jam out. Luckily he likes the exact same music as me, which is rare, considering I never met a man with the same taste of music. We both like dubstep and music with beats and then the good music.....slow music, some oldies, depression music....lol, ya know the regular.
We talk about life and I try and take some pics while he drives.....didn't turn out like I wanted too, but Ill still post them when I'm done. He takes the backway and shows me things I never seen and where he grew up and towns I never been in. We take a quick stop at a convenience store before we head up to the mountains for the bathroom, drinks, and of course gummy worms.
I didn't realize we were as close as we were cause it was dark, but after the stop, it was no time before we were there. The speed limit is like 30 because of all the wildlife. It was still fun to try and look for a longhorn or a wild animal, but I didn't see any. We pull in and get out and he wants to show me something. I don't know what it is or where we are going considering I really cant see anything at this point. So we start walking and hes using the light off of his phone. I couldn't see, so I grabbed his shirt, he was nice enough to let me hold on to his arm. We go and we start walking down the steps. There were 2 flights of steps and then we start crossing this bridge. I look over to my right and I see the water and a little boonie in the water and I can see the city lights over the mountain tops. I look up and see ALL of the stars. Its so dark outside that it takes me awhile to adjust my eyes and take in everything. Pretty soon he shows me the stars reflecting on the water. It was so quiet out there, that you could hear the fishes flopping in the water and some of the animals making noises in the distance. Then I look over the my left, on the other side of the bridge. It freaked me out. I looked over the ledge and it was like 500 feet deeper than the right side. We are on a bridge and the dam is under us. I literally got scared for a few minutes. I was contemplating on everything that was around me at that point. I was starting to question what bridge I was on, how stable it was or how its all attached. I'm telling you, its dark. I have NO clue what it looks like in the day time cause I haven't been out there, so I don't know what its really like.
I get over the initiative of me dieing and we go back to the car to get the cameras and equipment. He shows me or really, I wont lie....he played with my camera to make it so it will pick up the stars and everything in the dark. I loved it!!!! I love the sky and the universe. I think its something beautiful and when I look at what God created, like the stars and mountains, it gives me a sense of peace. I was really peaceful out there. It was so quiet and I didn't have a fear of being out there. It was one of those moments where I wont lie.....a kiss would of been nice.
Were out there for an hour or so and we decide to drive around the mountains and look around. I'm glad he knew where he was going. He showed me this one little place where it was creepy with the woods and it seemed like something from a scary movie. We drive, get gas, look at some cool houses and how they were built and then I try and take some pictures when we were going down the mountain, of the city lights.
We hit the highway and is heading back to Wichita. He asked me if I wanted to go to the casino and I said, Sure, why not!!! I was tired, but not really, to me the night was still kinda young. I just knew he still had to drive back, but we headed to the casino. We were there for about 45 to an hour and then left. We both won what we started off with, so we were happy. When we got back into town, I showed him a few places that I photographed and a few personal places of mine. We get to my house and I'm getting my stuff and I couldn't find my keys. I had to call my grandpa and he had to open the door at 3am. We hug and the nights over. I was tired and I know he was too. I really felt bad that he still had to drive all the way back. I should of offered for him to stay, but you know.......
So I had a really good time. It was laid back, go with the flow, lets do stuff on the whim. I like it that way, but I also like to know what I'm going to do. This was a good medium of having a clue of what we were doing. We already knew we were going to eat and he had already scoped out the area we went too before hand. It all worked out and I had good memories. I also enjoyed the photography and him teaching me a thing or two. I'm not 100% sure if he had fun or not, but ya know, this is my blog, through my eyes.
I wanted to share some photos of that day!
oh and the blue light pic is a light that was in his car....the train pic is a mural on the wall in Wichita
I'll wait
Lord, I will be patient because I choose your timing.Lord, I will trust you even if people say I'm running out of time.
Lord, I will listen to your voice over my loud thoughts.
Lord, I will believe even when I don't understand.
Lord, I will wait because I know you love me.
Help me Lord for I can't do any of these without You.
"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." (Psalm 37:7)
"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." (Psalm 37:7)
God I really pray that you help me find joy in
your presence and comfort alone. Sometimes I forget that relationships
(on all levels) are never mine to begin with but gifts from you. Please
guard my heart and help me be more conscious of the things that sway it,
and I pray that you would really take this feeling of burden off of my
shoulders. Whether I find someone tomorrow, next year, or never, I pray
that you would always be more than enough for me, and I pray that you
help me learn to trust in your plan for me.
I saw these today on my facebook and its been exactly how I feel and what I have been trying to say. In fact today I was talking to the bestie, and told her....."I wait". Then I saw all these.....it was pretty awesome!!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Puzzle pieces slowly getting reattached
Alot of times when I sit at home in my room, I really think of the past and the future. Since I am in the transitioning part of my life, it makes me think of how I got here. I'm trying not to dwell in the past and I have accepted this is my life and that I cant change anything. I really have said my goodbyes to the people who arnt in my life anymore. I catch myself thinking about them and might shed a tear or two, but within minutes I feel this warm sense of feeling from God and a reminder that its going to be okay. I just feel this overwhelming peace and assurance that happiness is around the corner.I have really had to step back and look and realize that being alone right now in this part of my life is actually rewarding. I get to meet new people, evaluate my life, learn who I am, define who Rachel is, and grow closer to God. I will fully admit that being single can totally suck sometimes. I do miss the affection of a man and someone telling me they love me and having that sense of protection at all times. At the same time, I feel God hold me and love me. I'm human and I have desires, emotions, feelings, needs, and wants, but I cant lower my standards for temporary pleasure. I have looked at people all around me who are single and feel like they need to make themselves happy with settling or "hooking up" when in turn leads them to misery.
I know in my heart of hearts that God has this one man for me. He reminds me all the time when my mind wonders about "settling" or when I get in the "I don't care" mode. I want to admit everything, because if someone reads this that might struggle, I hope it helps them. I feel like I was made to express my feelings and emotions, I really have no filter, but I feel like that's why my book will be about me. I wont be holding back. I want people to see my life for what I see it, all the bad, good, lows and highs. I don't want people to think my life is picture perfect or disastrous. I have had both, just like the next person. I want to share with people how I handled my highs and lows. I have many many people come up to me and ask me how I survived the things in my life. I honestly, don't understand the question. You take it....you live it....you go through the emotions, you pray, you cry, you laugh, you get angry, you scream, you go numb, you shut down, you talk it out, you get away, you cut people out, and again, you pray. Every low in my life, you go through the emotions and it makes you stronger.
I have been blessed in my life to meet many people who have gone through some of the different trials I have faced. I have met some women who are still in my life from miscarriage groups, I have friends from kidney cancer, I have recently have had alot of new friends from divorce/infidelity. I enjoy talking to them as we grow each day to a brighter future. I love seeing blessings fall in front of us and we see God working in our lives when we were all at the bottom of the pit depressed. We now have hope, we have smiles on our faces, we have faith, we have a positive attitude that our puzzle pieces that once were all scattered are now slowly getting reattached. I know nobody wants to go through divorce, especially the ones who really fought and did everything they could to save their marriage, but now seeing some of us who look at life totally different and appreciate the small things, I really do feel like we are blessed to have a second chance on life. I have met a few close people and we all will sit here and say that we never felt that our ex spouse was who we were supposed to marry. I know alot reading this, might think...."well y'all are just saying that cause you got burned". No, really.....no.....its a feeling I cant explain.You know the love stories that are perfect.....the ones where prince charming comes and saves the day and loves you till death????? I know realistically its not like that....you got bills, death, birth, events, trials, temptations, emotions that all have a factor in daily life. For some reason though, I really feel like there is a prince charming out there for me. I know life isn't going to be picture perfect, but being together will feel perfect. I don't want any doubt of me being with someone......I know who he has for me, there will be peace. I have seen alot of couples who really had soul mates. My grandpa for instance....I have heard so many people tell me that my grandma and grandpa were soul mates. My grandpa will also tell you he only remembers him and his wife getting into one fight. (now hes a man, so ya know....haha) I want that.....I want a peace and a love where its just peaceful and respectable towards each other. I want to be so in love and it be from God that we can just look at each other and talk it out and pray about whatever might be bugging us.
I know myself too.....I want to be able to be confident around him and me not doubt his love for me. I don't know if its because I got burned, but I catch myself getting really insecure and not worthy of a mans love or attention. I never felt that way with Mark, but with other men I have caught myself.
So its 4:13 in the morning and I have to get up at 8am. I had alot on my mind tonight and I needed to vent. I also need to post some pics from Saturday.......until then....this is my latest addiction....Talking to the Moon
Friday, August 17, 2012
Once again
I read my daily devotion today and once again.......God amazes me!!! I was just talking last night in my post, how God keeps revealing to me and showing me things to get me ready for my book. When I was reading this, I really felt like God was speaking to me directly. He has made a way for me in this life, with all these trials, to use it to glorify Him. He has taken away the desire of a mate right now, so I can focus clearly on what He wants me to do. I really think, if I had a guy who I loved in my life, that my focus would be on him and what we are doing, other than what I need to do with Gods work. God knows me better than I know myself and what I do know about myself, is that when a man is in my life, I do focus on them. Its a natural thing to do and go through, with two people who love each other.
I remember thinking after my two past relationships, how looking back they were my focus. I remember worrying about if I could be in a relationship and focus on God and have a man in my life and be able to balance it out. I realized that the man God has for me, it will balance out, because he will be the Godly man that I will need and in the time when I'm ready. I love having God and me time. I think its something that everyone should have everyday, no matter who or what or how bad or good life is. Its amazing how much stress and worry fade and you see more blessings each and everyday.
Are you doing Gods will?
Have you asked God why you were created and what his plan for your life is?
Have you asked him to show you His plan for your life?
Have you asked God to use you to glorify Him and to have others see Jesus in you??
Everyones purpose in this life is different. It took me along time to realize that everyone has different skills, talents, looks, desires, troubles, and meanings for this life. I might write a book on my trials and can touch people, but you could write a song and sing it and touch people. Though I don't feel like I have great writing skills, God knows better and I know he can speak through me and tell me what I need to say so people can understand. I also know that some people may touch just one person in their life and made a difference and helped someone lead them to Christ and then some leads hundreds and millions. Either way, someones life is changed and they will spend eternity in heaven. Be that person who can show others how wonderful God is. Don't be afraid....you shouldn't be ashamed for the person who loved you so much that He died for you so that you may spend eternity with Him. :) Also, if you are a little worried about saying the wrong thing or don't know how to answer peoples questions.....ask God....you will be surprised at what God can lay on your heart and have you speak. You know afterwards that God was speaking through you. :)
I remember thinking after my two past relationships, how looking back they were my focus. I remember worrying about if I could be in a relationship and focus on God and have a man in my life and be able to balance it out. I realized that the man God has for me, it will balance out, because he will be the Godly man that I will need and in the time when I'm ready. I love having God and me time. I think its something that everyone should have everyday, no matter who or what or how bad or good life is. Its amazing how much stress and worry fade and you see more blessings each and everyday.
Are you doing Gods will?
Have you asked God why you were created and what his plan for your life is?
Have you asked him to show you His plan for your life?
Have you asked God to use you to glorify Him and to have others see Jesus in you??
Everyones purpose in this life is different. It took me along time to realize that everyone has different skills, talents, looks, desires, troubles, and meanings for this life. I might write a book on my trials and can touch people, but you could write a song and sing it and touch people. Though I don't feel like I have great writing skills, God knows better and I know he can speak through me and tell me what I need to say so people can understand. I also know that some people may touch just one person in their life and made a difference and helped someone lead them to Christ and then some leads hundreds and millions. Either way, someones life is changed and they will spend eternity in heaven. Be that person who can show others how wonderful God is. Don't be afraid....you shouldn't be ashamed for the person who loved you so much that He died for you so that you may spend eternity with Him. :) Also, if you are a little worried about saying the wrong thing or don't know how to answer peoples questions.....ask God....you will be surprised at what God can lay on your heart and have you speak. You know afterwards that God was speaking through you. :)
Be unique.......be you.....be who God created you to be.....your special.....God loves you.....
share God with someone today!!!! :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Romans 5
So today in my Bible study, in Romans 5 it said this:
5 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Theres more to the chapter and its all good, but this is what really stood out to me. In my life, with this transition, I need Peace. I am fully trusting and having faith that Gods plans are better than my own. I have surrendered and I don't want any choices or decisions that I make, be against God or what he wants me to do. It says that we need praise God in our tribulations (and we need to praise God in our good times) for they work patience and patience leads to experience and experience, hope.
Have you ever thought that each trial you may have endured, how your character changed or your outlook on life changes? I look at life totally different than alot of people. I know that life is short (cancer), I know that I have no control over my body (miscarriage and infertility), I know that I cant make someone stay with me (adultery), and I know that we all fall short of the glory of God and not worthy of his love (adultery).
During this part of my life I know that God is teaching me patience. I wait.....I wait on everything, but do you realize that in the time of me waiting, He has shown me so many things? He has shown me that He will take care of my needs financially. He has shown me I am loved, even by the 2 men that I have loved. He has shown me that this new part of my life is going to be worth waiting for.
Don't get me wrong....I still think about "when" God is going to show me who my mate is or "if" I will ever have children. God knows my heart and I don't even have to say anything, because he hears my cries. My whole mentality has been changing the past few weeks since my divorce and my desires are starting to change and refocus on Gods work.
I don't know when I'm going to start and I really hope people arnt looking at me like Its never going to happen and I just keep talking. I have been saying this for years about my book, so many people knew I was going to start. I haven't felt more sure of it, then now, this part of my life. I pray and wait, as God reveals memories and shows me people and things that need to be in it. I have been writing lists of things he has reminded me of, so I wont forget when I do start. I still have the same title in my head of what my book should be called, but its already a book called this by a famous person.....but I wouldn't mind sitting next too on a book shelf. (hehe)
So these are my thoughts from today..........I hope everyone is having a good week so far.
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