Cheers

I, in no shape, way or form am going to say this in a bad way, but I have had a few friends come to me to confide in!!  Honestly, I feel like I am always the one venting and confiding in all my friends, and their always having to hear the same things and tell me the same things, but just all in a different way. 

I honestly, enjoy listening to people and giving my input as much as I can and how much they are willing to hear it.  I know some people don't like peoples opinions and some people don't ask, but I actually enjoy listening to everyones opinions and what they would do in a scenario.  I know we are all different and think different, so I like having my eyes broadened or hear something that I may not of thought of.  At the end of the day, I'm going to do whats best for me, but I still appreciate and respect everyone elses opinions.

I still battle with some demons of mine and some weaknesses I have.  I have been really trying to not think of a certain thing and tell myself if I don't talk about it, then it will pass and get easier.  I don't know what to do anymore, so at this point, I'm going to try for anything!!  I notice each day it gets easier and better for me, but its still there and I feel like its this little annoying thing that just wont go away.

I'm hoping that God will redirect my focus on something positive and encouraging!!!  Here's to brighter new beginnings!!!

One more time

I have to say this....I'm in love with the San Antonio Spurs!!!!  They make me have goosebumps, they make me scream and jump up and down like a little girl, they make me excited and make my heart pitter patter, and they make me cry happy tears!!!!  I have 3 boys that I have been following for 10 years.  My senior year in high school is when I started watching them and every year they have made it into the playoffs and won 3 championships. 

Now where I live its not Spurs territory.  Its actually stupid Mavericks and stupid Thunder.  Its okay, because I wont back down on my team.  Since I got divorced and don't go down to visit in San Antonio, I haven't got to stock up on anything.  When the Spurs win, I will make a road trip to San Antonio and watch them on the Boardwalk!!!!  I have too!!!!  My 3 boys are getting up in age, still awesome though, but I don't know how long they have left.  I want to enjoy it and remember seeing them on the boardwalk.  I went to a Spurs game for my anniversary back in 2008 and it was amazing!! I remember driving on the way there and crying because I was so happy.  When watching the Spurs, everything is right in this world.  I would want everyone to have something like I do and the way the Spurs make me feel.  I know it might sound sad or pathetic, but its a love and passion for something, its a hope, dedication and satisfaction for a team or people who don't know personally, but admire. 

There is something about the Spurs that is not like any team.  They never get the credit they deserve or the recognition of how they are number 1 every year and they win more games than anyone.  Instead you have the stupid Heat and Lakers who get put on a pedestal for crap.  The true Spurs fans know and appreciate a real genuine team that doesn't show off. 

I'm just smiling right now.  I actually had a rough night at work and the Spurs takes it all away.  They put that fire in your heart that lights you up. 

This is something that dawned on me tonight......the way the Spurs make me feel, I want a man to make me feel that way.  I want a man to make me feel like a happy little girl, give me goosebumps and make my heart pitter patter.  I know hes out there and when he makes me feel that way.....Hes going to be the one!!!!

ONE MORE TIME!!!!! 

Future relationship

I was sitting here, wanting to write, because I feel like I have so much to say and something dawned on me. 

I was thinking about a future relationship and I have thought for a long time that I wasn't ready to be in one, but now its changed.  I'm not seeking and going out to look for a relationship, but I feel ready if God wanted to place him in my life.  Its a very rewarding and peaceful feeling. 

Ive been thinking alot over the past few days of how God has shown me things and placed people in my life and also taken them away to benefit me.  I really love and enjoy having total trust and faith in God for my future.  I know I repeat myself alot, but in those moments of me repeating myself, I also have learned and felt more than the previous thoughts and feelings.  I now feel more secure and ready for God to direct my life and I feel like things are going to start falling into place.  I know I have said that I feel stuck and bored with this life, that I feel like there is way more out there for me, and I still do currently feel that way.  The thing that has changed though is I feel in my heart that its all about to change.  I can just feel God preparing me and something new is about to begin in my life.  I'm excited and ready and a little bit scared to see what it is, but I have no fear with it.

I love and enjoy looking back on my life and seeing how God works.  Its our human nature to want things "now" and we don't understand why certain things happen.  I have learned with my life that I will one day in the future look back and see how it all worked out for my good.  I'm not saying that we will always wonder "why" it happened or what the purpose of it was, but just the fact knowing that it was Gods plan or that it was to benefit us in our life. 

RESTORE

Great video!

Check this video out!



This is such an inspiring, sad, emotional and touching story.  I would recommend spending some time to watch it!!!

Weird emotions

The past few days I have really felt weird.  I have been going through some emotions that are there but arnt there.  I dont even know if I can explain it.  Its like my human side is sad, but my spiritual side is content and at peace.  I guess its like this......What my human side wants or THINKS it wants is sad, because I dont have it.  Then my spiritual side is right where God wants me to be and I cant argue with that!  Im not sure if I have ever really felt this, for this long ever in my life.  I know Im trying to not allow some things to bother me and I do struggle with it to a point. 

I know being human and an adult can totally stink sometimes.  Just the part where you look at your life and you never imagined you being here at this point, place and time.  Within my soul and being, I know God wants me here at this particular point for a reason.  I just feel that everything will fall together and I will one day look back and see God working through it all.  I thank God for even my struggles and my rough times in life, for I know there was a reason and it made me who I am. 

I pray all the time for God to show me what to do.  I sometimes get discouraged with what I feel like is just wasting time while God stirs me in the direction, but I can feel him preparing me for His work. 

I guess what we will see what will happen......

2013 Graduation

The school I used to work for had their graduation this past weekend.  I know alot of people don't understand our graduations since their so small and intimate, but looking back on mine, it was a hot mess, but still was very personal and I wouldn't change it.  To this day the other girl I graduated with and I are friends and have been friends since.  In fact since this is our ten year reunion, we want to plan a trip somewhere, "just the two of us" (note: song popped in the my head).  This little girl, well woman just graduated and I am always proud of watching any student graduate as they go into the real world.  I was glad I was there to witness it and I even brought an old past Bible Baptist friend and he was confused the whole time, but it happens!!! haha  So I hope Dallas a wonderful future and I hope she follows her dreams and always remembers God in this life and never take her eyes off of Him!! :)

I feel stuck

I know in my heart of hearts that God has a man out there for me.  I can feel it deep within me and I know when I meet him I'm going to KNOW!  I know there isn't going to be any doubts and that there will be this overwhelming peace within it all.  So while I wait on that man to walk into my life, its hard to not talk to guys or go out with any.

I woke up with this heavy heart and I cried out and prayed to God.  I told God I cant wait to feel that feeling for when the right man comes in.  I can honestly feel in my whole being to wait......that its all going to be worth it.  I know its what I need to do.  I have never been so sure about something that I don't have any control over in my life.  Of course I could go out and marry a guy who isn't for me, but that's what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about I am having total faith that its all going to be worth it in the end.

Something that dawned on me today was, no matter with my life choices God has a way of always changing those other peoples hearts to benefit me.  A person can like me, can even love me and God will pull them away from me.  I know you might be reading this and thinking I'm crazy, but its honestly true.  A few guys have told me that God has changed their heart or convicted them of certain things and at first I get confused, but if its true, I just thank God.  I have to fully trust God that His plan is so much better than my own.  I know it is and I pray daily for His plan in my life.

In fact I have been feeling bored and stuck with my life.  I know you always watch for what you pray for, because God might answer your prayer, but it might not be the way you wanted it.  I just feel ready for a new beginning or something that will get me on fire.  I would love to start writing my book, a new job, a new man, or something that has never even crossed my mind that will all glorify God.  He has taken care of me so much that I have to give him all the praise, because I don't deserve the things He has done for me.

I have such an open and eager heart for the Lord and I want His will done in my life.  I want it so bad and so sometimes when I feel like I start to drift my own way, God puts me back on track to focus on His plan.  I get so confused but so thankful all the same time, because I know it will benefit me and Gods plan for me.  As the book retreat gets closer, I am getting super excited.  I had my doubts for awhile actually, but now I hope this sets a fire under my boohiney to start writing.  I would love to start writing my book.  I have just felt ready to share my testimony, my story, my life's ups and down to the world.  I want my story to touch people and to show them what God has done for me and how He never left me. 

Today was just an emotional day.  I feel like certain things arnt going the way I planned or hoped and it discourages me.  At the same time I feel like God is touching me and assuring me they are.  Its faith and the unknown that is hard to grasp alot.  Having faith is something that has taken awhile for me to fully accept and understand that Gods way is the best way and that having faith makes things so much easier.  As humans we want to do what is best for us and what we think will make us happy, when in reality God sees the bigger picture.  Our future is His memories!  I will trust His way in all that I can and will try to be the best person I can be. 


I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I trust that One who does.  I hope that God opens a door that will benefit me to glorify Him in it.  I know there is a purpose for me in this life and I hope to be used to help others to know and learn about God.

Mothers Day 2013

Mothers day to me every year is a bitter sweet day.  It is a reminder to me of something I once had and no longer have, but also a dream to think that one day I will have. I do have to say yesterday was a very good day.

I started off waking up in the morning to take my grandpa to church.  On the way home from dropping him off I realized he never said Happy Mothers Day and hes usually really good about telling me that.  I got ready for church and headed up there.  On the way up there I was feeling kind of down, because I didn't know what kind of day it was going to be or if honestly, anyone would remember that I have babies in heaven.  I understand that people don't think about those things because they cant physically see a baby.  So while driving I just said a prayer for me to have a good day and hopefully all my close people in my life will wish me a Happy Mothers Day.  Within 5 minutes my phone started blowing up.  I sat there in the church parking lot responding to everyone and even getting teary eyed and thanking God for my babies in Heaven.

I go in to the church and I'm walking down the hall and I see this guy sitting on a bench to the side and I notice who it is.  It was my old family doctor sitting next to his wife and their baby.  I feel like he saw me before I saw him because when he turned his face from his wife, he was instantly, like HI!!!!  I went over and talked to him and I asked him how long they had been going there.  He said they have been going there for along time and he told me he had seen me several times, but I looked straight ahead and didn't notice him.  I told him I get tunnel visioned when going to church, because I really don't know alot of people.  I talked to them a little bit longer and he told me that his son is 9 months old and I was introduced to his wife.  He introduced me as a patient and I joked with her that I was up there every week.  I had always had this semi crush on this man.  I don't know what it is about him, he was just very warm and when I was thinking I was dieing, he had a way of calming me down.  He just had genuine care and love for his patients.

I leave them and head into the sanctuary and find my friend and sit next to him.  We joked a bit before service and when service started, it was amazing.  They had a guy who played the saxophone and it just made the music alot more soothing for that Mothers Day morning.  The service and what he talked about was amazing too.  I got teary eyed with his sermon and everything he was saying.  I felt like it was conformation about my book.  He talked about everything that we go through in life, the good and the bad, is for Gods glory and to help others.  My book retreat is coming up soon and I have had some doubts about it and I haven't been sure why I have been, but I hope its a life changing time for me and that I will be on fire leaving that place to start writing.

I left church to go pick up my grandpa and my friend invited me over to her house because she was cooking out.  I ended up having to work that day, because I was told, I wasn't technically "a mother" and so I wasn't looking forward to it.  I hadn't really seen my friend in awhile and so when I went over there it was nice to catch up and have dinner with her and her parents.  I left after her house and went to work.  I walk in and I was working with another good friend of mine and she handed me a yellow rose and said "Happy Mothers Day!!"  It meant so much to me and no one really had gotten me anything at this point and so it was just an expected special moment.  I started working and then about an hour before we were about to close I had this hormone moment and got really angry over something at work.  I got a text from my ex boyfriend saying that there was something in my car.  That put me in a better mood and it was unexpected too, so it excited me.  After we leave work, my coworker and I walked to my car and in my seat was a card.  I really thought it was going to be like a piece of paper with something written on it, but nope, this was a full blown card.  He wrote very sweet things to me and I just felt like a very blessed woman at that point.

I leave and my friend told me earlier that she was going to go fishing and so I was going to go meet up with her.  I texted her and she said they wernt biting but I could come pick her up.  She asked if I could take her to Sonic and she was going to buy me a Sundae.  So we got what we wanted and drove around a bit and caught up some more.  We ended up at my moms cemetery and theres a bench out there and so we just sat and talked while the sun went down.

I went home and felt so blessed and later that night I was hungry and  I picked my friend back up and we got some grub and again drove around and talked.  Alot of things have been heavy on my friends heart and I enjoy when she vents because I know venting helps me and I care so much what is going on in her life.

I had such an amazing day and all my good close friends wished me Happy Mothers Day and I wouldn't of changed anything.  The only down part to me was I wished the father to my babies would of at least shot me a text saying it, but he hasn't said it to me since he left me and so I guess he never will.  We don't hate each other and we don't have bitter feelings, so I guess its just something that I don't understand would be a problem or even a thought to say something.  Deep down I want to ask him why he don't say it to me, but I want him to say it to me because he wants too, not because he feels like he needs too or to shut me up kind of thing.

I feel like a very blessed woman and even though my life isn't exactly the way I would have it, its EXACTLY the way God wants it at this moment.  I just wait for God to show me which way to go and live my life the best I can!

I hope all my friends and people reading this blog had a wonderful Mothers Day!!!

thoughts for the night

I really don't like AF.  I hate how my emotions get all stirred up and I feel things that I KNOW is just all hormonal.  I have actually talked to myself this time around and some emotions that came up, I actually had to say, "Rachel, their not real". 

I have been super happy with my life.  I have accepted alot of things and have looked forward to what the Lord has for me in my future and all in one day, emotions can come piling on me and I don't even know where they came from.  I question why I even feel the way I do with these feelings, but again, I know its all hormonal.  Give me about 24 hours and my life will be dandy again, but until then, I am blogging, listening to THIS while a few tears go down my face.  I swear, being a girl can totally suck, darn Eve!!!

The bad part about me is that when I get pissed or get in a bad mood, I take it out on whoever is in my target!!!  It could be my old grandpa, a coworker or my dog....I mean, it really doesn't matter.  I wish people didn't take it so personal.  I have came across the people who take it personal and the people who just back up and don't talk to me, which is what I want.  I don't want you to come try and cheer me up or nag me to death, because I will come out when Ive calmed down and cooled off.  One thing about me is I really don't stay mad long.  I am very forgiving and I accept things, more now than I have before.  I know in this life I cant control hardly anything and I cant control the way life takes its different roads, so accepting it and making the most out of the situation is the best I can do.  It might take me awhile to adjust, but I eventually look at the positive in it.

I know now probably writing, I might be confusing you.  I think its just one of those blogs where I just want to write and vent and get some things off my mind.

I have seen a few of my friends who struggled with finding a mate, is finally in love and happy and I am excited for them!!!!   I love seeing people happy and in love!!!  Of course I have my friends where they are single and hoping for that soulmate one day, which I'm with that group, and I know we have our lonely times and our craving for a mate, but I know its all in the natural human desire. 

The thing with me is, I don't desire a mate,  I desire my future husband.  You might be thinking, that's the same thing Rachel.....but it doesn't feel that way with me.  There is ONE man that I KNOW God has for me and I love him so much already.  Sometimes my heart cries out for him and I pray to God that he is praying for me and waiting on me.  In fact, when I even hang out with a guy, I think of what it would actually feel like to be with my future husband and that love, peace, and truth feeling that this man is the man God has for me.  I always think of what its going to be like when we meet for the first time, the feelings we are going to have, the laughs, the flirtatious acts, the love of God surrounding us.

In my head, I think its going to be a perfect relationship, but I know that's not reality.  I hope we get along great and we always pray together and never go to bed mad at each other.  I hope he has eyes for me and thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.  Alot of people think that men cant really think that way, but I felt that way when I was married towards my husband, a man is human and I think he can think that way too.  I want the kind of love and relationship my grandpa and grandma had.  I didn't really get to see it, but everyone says they were soulmates.  Theres an old picture of them together, sitting on the couch and it was after my grandma had a stroke and they were sitting there holding hands with their fingers locked.  My grandpas face was happy and you could tell that's where he wanted to be.  My grandpa always talks highly of my grandma and that she was a wonderful woman.  I would love to have my future husband talk about me that way when I leave this world or even with us together. 

When writing in my blog, I always somehow get sidetracked and go do other things (must be my ADD) and this is what I just wrote, something that I needed to hear.

faith will show you the way

When the future seems bleak and you do not know how to go on, have faith. It will shine a light in the darkness and everything will be illuminated.

I love how God shows you or puts something in front of you that reminds you of Him and his plans.  God has been really good to me in my life!

Our weather

This weather is crazy!!  Here it is May and we actually had a night where it froze.  Today is kinda warm, its in the 80's, but I hate the summer and I love the cooler weather, so this woman is not complaining one bit.  I really hate the hot summer.  I have to base my hair and my clothes all on how much I'm going to sweat or hot how its going to be.  Of course you cant wear satin in the summer time, because well any sweat will show right through.  You don't want to wear layers because well.....its freaking hot outside.  Do I wear my hair down, because if I sweat, my hair will curl up and look like a hot mess.

I know not every person has this problem, but its something that I deal with and alot of times I just look rough because of it.  So while its starting to get warm, I'm still enjoying the cooler weather while we still have it.  I do hope that this means that summer is just short and its not going to last all the way till winter.  I remember last year we really didn't even have a fall, that it pretty much went from hot to cold.  None of the leaves changed or turned, they just burnt and fell off.


Hopefully this will be a good summer and not so scorching!

Also we need rain bad.  Our lakes are in the 30% range and we only have days left of water for our town.  I dont know whats going to happen when we run out of water.  We hardly get any rain in the summer, so hopefully God will do a miracle and fill up our lakes!!!

Clean your kidneys OR kidney :)

CLEAN YOUR KIDNEYS

Years pass by and our kidneys are filtering the blood by removing salt, poison and any unwanted entering our body. With time, the salt accumulates and this needs to undergo cleaning treatments and how are we going to overcome this?

It is very easy, first take a bunch of parsley or Cilantro ( Coriander Leaves ) and wash it clean
Then cut it in small pieces and put it in a pot and pour clean water and boil it for ten minutes and let it cool down and then filter it and pour in a clean bottle and keep it inside refrigerator to cool.

Drink one glass daily and you will notice all salt and other accumulated poison coming out of your kidney by urination also you will be able to notice the difference which you never felt before.

Parsley (Cilantro) is known as best cleaning treatment for kidneys and it is natural!

 

 

Something that clicked today

I was talking to someone today and I realized that I'm ready!!!  I'm ready for a man to come sweep me off my feet.  A man who wants to be with me and who will fight to be with me. 

I remember when I was fighting for my marriage and I got to a point where I didn't know if it was getting anywhere and I texted him and he said, I shouldn't fig

ht anymore, that he didn't love me.  It took me about two weeks to accept it and then I asked him for the divorce. 

I had asked my ex boyfriend who he wanted to be with and he didn't chose me.  Again, it took me about two weeks, but then I accepted it and moved on. 

I don't hate either of these men and I actually talk to them every once in awhile, but I have realized that there is a man out there that will want me and only me.  I don't want to be "chosen" or "needed".   I want a man to want to be with me and only me.  I feel so content and happy right now, because I know there is a man out there who will come into my life and fight for me, who will try to make me happy, who will focus on me.  I deserve to come second in a mans life after God.  I deserve a man who wants to be with me and have a family and to build their life with me.


This blog might sound like I'm being about me, me, me, but I know when I am in a relationship, I focus on that person and no other person even exist in my eyes.  When I'm in love.....they are my focus.  I am faithful and honest and trustworthy.  I have never been told or had anyone question my faithfulness.  I could never go behind someones back and hurt them.  IF for some reason I did, I couldn't live with myself and would have to be honest with them. 

I know I just want someone who KNOWS they want to be with and put up with me.  I'm not perfect, I have my flaws and my down faults, but we all do.  I just know I am excited for the man that God has for me.  I do hope its soon in my near future!!!  :)