Mothers Day 2013

Mothers day to me every year is a bitter sweet day.  It is a reminder to me of something I once had and no longer have, but also a dream to think that one day I will have. I do have to say yesterday was a very good day.

I started off waking up in the morning to take my grandpa to church.  On the way home from dropping him off I realized he never said Happy Mothers Day and hes usually really good about telling me that.  I got ready for church and headed up there.  On the way up there I was feeling kind of down, because I didn't know what kind of day it was going to be or if honestly, anyone would remember that I have babies in heaven.  I understand that people don't think about those things because they cant physically see a baby.  So while driving I just said a prayer for me to have a good day and hopefully all my close people in my life will wish me a Happy Mothers Day.  Within 5 minutes my phone started blowing up.  I sat there in the church parking lot responding to everyone and even getting teary eyed and thanking God for my babies in Heaven.

I go in to the church and I'm walking down the hall and I see this guy sitting on a bench to the side and I notice who it is.  It was my old family doctor sitting next to his wife and their baby.  I feel like he saw me before I saw him because when he turned his face from his wife, he was instantly, like HI!!!!  I went over and talked to him and I asked him how long they had been going there.  He said they have been going there for along time and he told me he had seen me several times, but I looked straight ahead and didn't notice him.  I told him I get tunnel visioned when going to church, because I really don't know alot of people.  I talked to them a little bit longer and he told me that his son is 9 months old and I was introduced to his wife.  He introduced me as a patient and I joked with her that I was up there every week.  I had always had this semi crush on this man.  I don't know what it is about him, he was just very warm and when I was thinking I was dieing, he had a way of calming me down.  He just had genuine care and love for his patients.

I leave them and head into the sanctuary and find my friend and sit next to him.  We joked a bit before service and when service started, it was amazing.  They had a guy who played the saxophone and it just made the music alot more soothing for that Mothers Day morning.  The service and what he talked about was amazing too.  I got teary eyed with his sermon and everything he was saying.  I felt like it was conformation about my book.  He talked about everything that we go through in life, the good and the bad, is for Gods glory and to help others.  My book retreat is coming up soon and I have had some doubts about it and I haven't been sure why I have been, but I hope its a life changing time for me and that I will be on fire leaving that place to start writing.

I left church to go pick up my grandpa and my friend invited me over to her house because she was cooking out.  I ended up having to work that day, because I was told, I wasn't technically "a mother" and so I wasn't looking forward to it.  I hadn't really seen my friend in awhile and so when I went over there it was nice to catch up and have dinner with her and her parents.  I left after her house and went to work.  I walk in and I was working with another good friend of mine and she handed me a yellow rose and said "Happy Mothers Day!!"  It meant so much to me and no one really had gotten me anything at this point and so it was just an expected special moment.  I started working and then about an hour before we were about to close I had this hormone moment and got really angry over something at work.  I got a text from my ex boyfriend saying that there was something in my car.  That put me in a better mood and it was unexpected too, so it excited me.  After we leave work, my coworker and I walked to my car and in my seat was a card.  I really thought it was going to be like a piece of paper with something written on it, but nope, this was a full blown card.  He wrote very sweet things to me and I just felt like a very blessed woman at that point.

I leave and my friend told me earlier that she was going to go fishing and so I was going to go meet up with her.  I texted her and she said they wernt biting but I could come pick her up.  She asked if I could take her to Sonic and she was going to buy me a Sundae.  So we got what we wanted and drove around a bit and caught up some more.  We ended up at my moms cemetery and theres a bench out there and so we just sat and talked while the sun went down.

I went home and felt so blessed and later that night I was hungry and  I picked my friend back up and we got some grub and again drove around and talked.  Alot of things have been heavy on my friends heart and I enjoy when she vents because I know venting helps me and I care so much what is going on in her life.

I had such an amazing day and all my good close friends wished me Happy Mothers Day and I wouldn't of changed anything.  The only down part to me was I wished the father to my babies would of at least shot me a text saying it, but he hasn't said it to me since he left me and so I guess he never will.  We don't hate each other and we don't have bitter feelings, so I guess its just something that I don't understand would be a problem or even a thought to say something.  Deep down I want to ask him why he don't say it to me, but I want him to say it to me because he wants too, not because he feels like he needs too or to shut me up kind of thing.

I feel like a very blessed woman and even though my life isn't exactly the way I would have it, its EXACTLY the way God wants it at this moment.  I just wait for God to show me which way to go and live my life the best I can!

I hope all my friends and people reading this blog had a wonderful Mothers Day!!!