Today's sermon at church was about Jonah. We are going through a series of his story and they have been calling it "Relentless Love." To be honest, since my divorce class has been over with at church, I'm not sure if this church is where God wants me to be. I remember at the beginning of the year, I felt led to go to another church a couple of services and then to this one. I also remember feeling led to go to the divorce class again, but I never did feel led to join the church, even though I love it. I still haven't really felt led to go to a particular place, but I kinda feel God getting me ready for another direction. I know he uses people and places to help me through my journey at a specific time and reason to help me grow. I trust him fully. I know that wherever he has for me to go, there will be a reason, if its to share my testimony, to touch or help someone, to meet and have life long friends or to meet my future husband.....I mean, you just never know. That's why God is so wonderful!!! Its when you look back and see the path God led you down and why it all happened the way it did. Its just letting go and having God take the reigns and putting your total faith and trust in him that he will stir you down a righteous path to serving him. Doesn't mean that trials or temptation wont step in the path, but knowing who is bigger and loving to help you with those!
So I got side tracked, like usual!! :)
I would say, the past month, I have felt God tell me, "I'm giving you a second chance". This is my time, to surrender all, trust God, and KNOW that he has this amazing plan, that I cant even fathom, and the only thing I need to do is, TRUST and WAIT and have FAITH and he will give me my hearts desires. I really feel in my heart, and this is not me being mean or me just saying this, I really feel like I wasn't supposed to marry Mark. In fact, I know, we wernt supposed to get married. I don't regret anything, because I have learned so much that I don't ever want to forget. I cant go back and change things, so theres no point in me dwelling on the past or all the what if's, but this is where the 2nd chance comes in. God knew my heart when I got married. He knew I wanted to do things the right way, just like Mark and I waited till our wedding night to make love for the first time. God knew I wanted to be faithful and was willing to fight to save my marriage. I know God still would want us to be married, because God hates divorce, but at the same time, God knows his heart and my heart. I remember I felt in my heart to pray before I got married and ask God to see if Mark was the one, but I didn't, because I was scared to know the answer. Now I know, and I tell myself this all the time, when you doubt.....DON'T!!!! Because Gods not going to give you doubt, hes going to give you peace about the answer and when you doubt, I feel like its not from God. Also, I remember walking down the aisle thinking about divorce. I thought that was weird, but thought maybe it was from the enemy or just cold feet jitters. I can look back now and see that God was putting on my heart or trying to tell me something. I carry around those thoughts and feelings after all these years. I loved Mark, I was in love with him and was happy for the most part with him, but we struggled, ALOT.
My second chance to me is.....waiting on God. I feel like I'm at a starting line ready to go and I'm just waiting on that horn to blast or that gun to shoot so I can GO!!! The waiting part of hearing the blast or shoot, is so hard and the anticipation can be overwhelming at times.
God is a God of second chances. In fact today I learned at church that most of the bible stories are about God giving people second, third or more chances. I feel like I have my whole life still ahead of me. In my heart of hearts, I didn't want to have to start over, finding a man, getting used to him, learning his friends and family, accepting his past and hoping I could trust him. But I feel God preparing me that yes, everyone has a past and its whats in their heart
now that matters. I also feel like God is giving me a second chance with having a family. I hope if God blesses me, that my future husband and I can have healthy babies together. I know my 3 babies are in heaven, but I feel like this is my second chance of having a family, all together as one....not a broken family.
I want to use this time, with him giving me this 2nd chance and do it right and to do HIS will. I know right now, as long as I'm married, that I need to wait and he will show me what I need to do. I honestly cant wait to know what it feels like to not have chains holding me down. All I know right now.....is to wait on Gods 2nd chance he is giving me. :)
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