Hmm....

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.

Flowers

These yellow roses are from my front yard. Then the bluebonnet is something that I picked on the side of the road. My friend and I thought I was going to go to jail for picking the state flower, but we found out that we wont!! Its a myth....

Monday

Tomorrow is going to be a long, rough day. I have to take my grandpa to the Dr. straight in the morning, because he has been swelling in different spots all over his body. First it was his left knee, then it went away and then his left hand, and now his right knee. I don't know what it is, but other than that, everything is fine. But still we need to figure out the problem.

Then I will go to work and the high school is going on an honor roll trip and right after lunch we will be going to Tim Donley's funeral. I know I'm going to be bawling and its going to be so sad. I'm not really looking forward to it. Then tomorrow is our meeting day and so I wont be home till late. Maybe we wont, we have been trying to eat and do the meeting, instead of at different times.

I have been so tired and feeling like crap lately, I sure do hope I start feeling better soon. I don't know what it is, but I just don't have any energy. There has been a stomach bug going around the school, but I haven't had it, (thank you Jesus) but I don't think that's it. Maybe its because I haven't been exercising like I normally do and moving around. I'm hoping to lose some weight this summer, and I'm actually looking forward to it. Please pray for me to have the desire and will power to lose weight!!! :) thanks friends!!

Spring Clean?!

I'm in the mood at this moment where all the clutter and all the mess in my house is getting to me. I just want to throw it all away or collect it up and have a garage sale. I do NOT like clutter and some of this stuff is just so hard to throw away, but I have cleaned a little bit so far in my closet and am proud of how much I can get rid of and how much I can throw away. I feel like I have just put a dent into my cleaning and its 2:27am in the morning. I know I wont be getting alot done and I have a list of things to do that I haven't even touched. I think this weekend, I'm just going to focus on cleaning and tidying up. I hate when things just look busy, and then when I go over there to clean it, its all stuff I need. I think I am a very organized person, but I do get loose sometimes where it doesn't bother me, and then all of a sudden I get in this cleaning mood and it just drives me crazy. I'm sure that is pretty normal and people express it all the time. I just cant stand looking at my clutter now. But at the same time, I'm just tired and don't want to deal with it. I don't know what to do. I guess I'm going to try to get done as much as I can tonight and then finish tomorrow. My bestie wants me to take pictures of her, but I don't know....I guess I need to talk to her. I have a business and things like this should come last, but I just don't know when I'm going to feel like cleaning like I do now. I guess I do have all summer....but the summer stink!!!! Its soooo hot and I get so miserable!! But I guess I should stop complaining. Thanks for listening to me vent!!

I took a pic of my messy room. Thats the other side of my room and my closet and half of my desk. I have been cleaning my closet, and all those shelfs are actually clean.....they have shoes and clothes on them, and the top is pretty organized. I do have a basket in the middle of the floor that I need to put up. Yep.....story of my life.

RIP Timothy Erik Donley

I've always been bitter about 4-20 when I found out that it was Hitlers Birthday, Columbine Shooting and of course its a day the drugs celebrate their stupidity. I thought about it all day that Tuesday and then that night my friend got killed. Here in Wichita Falls Texas, about 9:40ish at night, a 22 year old man, went to our Hastings and shot 4 women, but it didn't kill them. Then he drove to Toby's Bar, where my friend, an Iraq Veteran, was working the door when this gunman shot him in the chest, face, and torso. Timothy Erik Donley was killed and he was only 23.

I went to school with this young man, and he graduated from the school that I work at. Our school is small and not people know it, but the next day, everyone had called and came up there. We all are a close family when someone we went to school with dies or gets hurt. We know everyone since its so small and grow really close. I wasn't ever "close" with Tim, but he was a good Christian guy who was trying to find his place in this world and was doing good for mankind.

I know he is in Heaven serving our Lord and praising His name. He lost a brother in the war in Iraq a few months ago and I know his family must be torn up about it. I did see them on the news and his mom was just horribly heartbroken. I cant imagine losing someone I love like that. The man that shot him, went back to his house and killed himself. These things don't happen here in Wichita Falls. Don't get me wrong, I know it can and does happen everywhere, but we have never seen or experienced something like this here in this town. They are still researching and trying to find the motive and reason behind all this. This man was crazy and has had a criminal past.

Our school is going to try and get together and go to his funeral. We haven't heard when its going to be, but I'm sure it will be in the next few days. When I found out who got shot and killed, I felt empty inside. I never have lost anyone I knew to a murder.

Please say a prayer for everyone who has witnessed this, got hurt in this, and got killed and all their friends and family. Wichita Falls is shaken up over this and we are in sympathy for this tragic event.

God Bless you Tim..... June 6, 1986 - April 20, 2010

April 21st

Therefore, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. -1 Corinthians 15:58


Administrative Professionals Day

April 20th

He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth-the Lord God Almighty is his name. -Amos 4:13

April 19th

...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Phillippians 3:13,14

April 17/18

I delight greatly in the Lord; My soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation... -Isaiah 61:10

April 16th

...the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. -Galations 6:8

April 15th

I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite in spirit, to revive the spirit, of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. -Isaiah 57:15

April 14th

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. -Psalm 5:3


New Moon

April 13th

Dear children, let us not love with words...but with actions and in truth. -1 John 3:18

April 12

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. -Psalm 84:11

April 10/11

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. -Lamentations 3:22, 23


11- Holocaust Remembrance Day

April 1

April 9th

Then the trees of the forest will sing, they will sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth. - 1 Corinthians 16:33

April 8th

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such as to get the prize. -1 Corinthians 9:24

WOOORRRRKKKK

Work this week, even though its Tuesday, has been very hard. I love my job...this year has been one of the best years that Ive worked. But every year we get in this bind with the yearbook. I told them last year, we need to start at the beginning of the school year, which when I brought it up...oh a few hundred times....they always had a reason or excuse. Now that we are crunching, they think its a "great idea" to start earlier. Well, duh!!! Even sponsors this year are telling us we should of started earlier. But I guess that's what did it for my boss to catch on.

But other than that, today was hard. One of the teachers was out, the one who does Kindergarten and 1st grade, (and that's my worst class, cause its so hands on) and then she also tells me today that tomorrow the yearbook is due. Um...what??? How do you expect me to do both?! I tried and tried and had to make some kids cry, but we are almost done. I was giving these kids an easy fun day, to watch movies all afternoon, and nope....they wernt having it after the first movie. They wanted to play, DO THEIR WORK, touch everything in the office, so I finally cut the movie off and made them work for the last hour of school. I think half of them was in the office at the same time, that's too many kids in there, when I'm on the phone and doing the pages of the yearbook. Don't get me wrong....I had other older students in their helping. One is a senior or is done with all her work.....I just didn't leave a room full of kids alone, lol. But they had to come to me for authority.

Oh, also....LOL....this morning, my boss called to tell me I'm going to have to do her classroom and to hurry to open up the school. You need to know, that I never open the school, because that would be 7:30am....I go to school at 8am, and leave at 5pm, and so when she called me, I just woke up and sat on the toilet, half asleep, lol. I was like sure, I can be there.....CRAZY!!! lol....I got there as soon as I could and it was 7:45.....hey I was proud of myself!!! LOL

But I'm blessed to have a good Christian environment job. God has taken care of me beyond measure and I have seen my friend go through jobs and the people she has had to work with. I haven't gotten a job in the "real world" and had to deal with people and how they act....just basically the same people....a few come and go. Ive worked there 6 years and had alot of ups and downs there, but in the end, I'm going to listen to God and go the direction he wants me to go. I have faith that he will bless us and take care of us and I just want everyone to feel that way!!!

Pictures?

I have been in a rut lately with my photography. If anyone who reads this, doesn't know, I own my own photography business called, Joyful Memories. I really felt like God had put the desire in my heart to open up my own business, and I was on it for awhile and got everything that I needed to get done with it, and then it kinda just stopped. I felt not good enough and I always looked at others, and theirs was just sooo much better than mine. I have to admit, I haven't gone to any training, just reading up and learning the old fashion way. I don't know the camera like I should, but I do enjoy taking pictures and opening my mind up artistically. I try and look at people and their pros and cons of their body and how they look good and what they want to show.

I do need to get another lens, but I really don't have the budget to just drop money on something like that, and I don't really have the money coming in for it for the photography, because I'm not putting myself out there. I know God has let me start this up for a reason, and maybe its for the summer times, for when I'm not working. I work at a school and in the summer I'm off for 3 months and that's an income that's not coming in. The summers are so hard, and I do love not working and have some time off, but I hate being broke. Last summer, I tried to have this good special for my photography, which was free session for couples, maternity, infants, and infant-a year old, because I hadn't been able to take pics of any of those things. Well like one person wrote me and won and it was for a couple session. We haven't got together to do one yet, but shes pregnant now, so maybe when she gets a little bigger, we can do a maternity shoot.

I have been working on the yearbook so much and just editing pictures, that my heart is really opening it up to it again. Also, my friend has been getting some of her friends interested in me and they want me to do theirs, which has inspired me again. But I'm not the kind of person to put myself on a pedestal, and I always tell people I'm not the best, so I don't get bad feedback from them, like they knew from the beginning. Who knows, where this will go.

I have been honestly trying to block any baby stuff from my mind. I don't want a baby anymore and I'm not counting on having one. Since then, I have realized how much stuff that I have put off and put back and how I'm starting to open up and see the light again. The baby thing was really taking over my life, and I don't want to do it anymore. I'M DONE!!!! and this website will only be for my own personal life from now on!!! :)

Losing Weight

I'm going to focus on myself this summer and I want to lose some weight....My "big" goal, is to lose 100 pounds. That might seem alot, but I'm fat, LOL. But I think this summer will be from 20-50 pounds. I'm trying to get motivated and encourage to do it, because usually in the summer its so hot, all I want to do is just stay inside with the air condition. I on the other hand, have a few videos and I bought an exercise ball and I have been walking the dogs lately. Its fun, and I get to spend time with my friend and we talk. Mark wants to get a bike and ride, but we need to buy him one and maybe either fix mine or buy me one too. Mark has bad knees from football, so he doesn't want to just start something that might hurt him until he loses some weight, so his knees wont kill him. He stands and walks up stairs all night at work, and hes always sore from that.

I have never had a Dr. tell me to lose weight. They have told me that I am overweight, but they never told me to lose weight for my health. They have told Mark to lose weight, but he has high blood pressure, but I know I cant be healthy with my weight, but I'm not sure why they haven't told me to lose it.

But I want to just better myself. Ive always been athletic and have lots of muscle and now I'm just sluggish and sloppy. I would love to go back to the new school year and look and feel different. Mark tells me I'm beautiful everyday, but we both need to lose some weight and become healthier. We pray daily for good health and we need to start acting like it.

Its hard to start now, because work really does wear me out. Its almost the end of the school year (can you believe that?) and everything is just coming down to the last minute. Our yearbook has to be done this Thursday.....we also have Spirit Week this week, lol.....then Graduation is on the 8th of May, and everything, programs and practice need to be done, to have 5 days later our initiation, yearbook signing, and our awards program done. We have a school board meeting on Monday, which we need to have next years schedule done, but I can tell you, that's not going to happen, unless my boss does it.... All these things, really take lots of hours and thinking.

Lately, since I have been working on the yearbook so much, I have had horrible eye strain. I have had a headache for the past 2 weeks, and of course its effecting my eyes, neck, back and is just making me miserable. Also the change of weather, and we have had horrible wind, I'm sure is not helping either.

So that's whats been going on with me lately!!!

Im done with it

Im done trying....I think its just bullshit at this point. I dont even want a baby anymore. Its never going to happen, so why even try and dream!!! I think Mark and I will be just fine being together and growing old together. I get tired of people telling me, that it will happen, and its in Gods time. What if it was never in God's time??? What if I was waiting on something that would never happen??? HUH? Does anyone ever think about those things? Dont try and make me feel better and tell me lies, when you and I both know its not going to happen. Im just done with it!!

Tomorrow will mark 2 years since we lost our first twin Adam William.....2 freakin years and Im still not pregnant or have a child. See.....its not meant to be. Maybe God gave me those babies so I can love on them in heaven, and I just wasnt suppose to have any baby to love here on earth.

April 7

I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps. -Jeremiah 10:23

April 6

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. -Psalm 34:8

April 5

For the word of God is living and active....it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. -Hebrews 4:12


Easter Monday (Aus, Can, NZ, UK)

April 3/4

..."I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." -John 11:25

4-Easter
4-Eastern Orthadox Easter

April 2

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? -Romans 8:32


Good Friday

April 1

For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. -1 Peter 2:15


April Fools Day

March 31

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. -Pslam 19:1

March 30

Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you- majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? -Exodus 15:11


Passover Begins

March 29

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name... -Isaiah 40:26

Full Moon

Another

Negative. I tested sometime last week, and it was a negative. Figures....I mean, that's the only thing I know what looks like these days. I know I sound negative, (hey another negative) but to what point does someone just want to throw their hands up in the air and say forget it?? I'm really getting to the point, where I don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of getting my hopes up, I'm tired of dreaming, I'm just tired of it. I kinda get excited living through my friends who are pregnant. I know that at this rate I'm never going to get pregnant, so I can just be happy for my friends and enjoy their pregnancy's with them.

I don't know what God is waiting on. I know he knows the future and whats best for us and we do pray for his timing, but I wish my desire would go away until he is ready for us to be parents. I just don't know why its so hard?! I don't understand why other people can get pregnant off the bat and yet I'm still here waiting. I'm starting to become really bitter in this whole process. I'm really just sick and tired of it. Ive even thought about shutting this blog down. Instead of Pena Family, it should just be Mark and Rachel....