Listen to this while you read my blog!!!
My emotions have been going crazy lately. I have no idea why I have been feeling down, but I have been. I just feel discouraged with different parts of my life. I can feel me trying to handle it and not giving it to God, and then when I do give it to God, I simply try to take it back over or try to deal with it. I don't like it when I get like this. I know my problem is I just lose focus and take my eyes off of Christ. I need to get back into listening to my Christian music more, which I do listen to it, I just need to meditate in it more. I also need to keep going to church every Sunday with no excuse and then I need to read books or the Bible that focus' on God and his path for me. I know I might say it, but I really need to do it, because when I am focused with my eyes on Christ, then I'm the happiest and most at peace with my life.
I keep thinking of the man God has for me, even though I know I'm not fully ready to be in a relationship, I can feel myself wanting to prepare for one. I know it might be a phase I'm going through or maybe its just because I'm human and we are made to have a mate.
God always amazes me with him taking care of me. Even if its the most smallest things or more hours at work. I do wonder sometimes why God hasn't led me to a job yet, even though I do put applications out, but I know His plan is greater than my own and he can see the path that He has laid before me and all I can do is trust and have Faith that he will take care of me and you know what??? He does!!! Even though I want to pay of some bills and save some money, I cant complain, because all my needs are met and even more at times.
I just hate that I stray a little. Its not a big stray like I have done in the past, but I hate when I take my eyes off of God. I'm not doing anything with going down a different path or making plans for my life without prayer, just going through my everyday life not talking to God as much as I need or want too. I want Him to be on my mind all the time and me thank him all the time for everything he does for me and I catch myself going days without praising and thanking Him. On Sunday I was going to make an excuse of not going to church because I woke up late even though I had an hour and half to get ready, and then my friend told me that I could sit next to Him and that motivated me. It was a touching service that I had tears going down my face and even my friend stopped singing and bowed his head. I knew God wanted me to go and hear the preaching. He talked about going through pain and how God lets us go through pain to put out focus on Him. I can think about and most of the times that was the hardest is when I stepped away and was doing things on my own. I remember with Mark, I put him before God without realizing it and I really feel like God allowed everything to happen so I could regroup and put my trust and focus on God and God alone. It took me awhile to get there, but I did and I have been at a peace with God and more happy with my relationship with God than I ever have in my whole entire life. I honestly trust God with everything in my life and I want what he wants for me. I know its better than I could ever imagine for myself.
Even though I don't know why things happen now or why certain things didn't work out or even bumps in the road, I know God has a reason and its those times is when I run to God. Ill admit, with me working out all the time, I did lose my focus on God and focused on working out losing weight so much and then I went into the hospital with my gallbladder and my first thought was guilt......because I knew I wasn't focused on God and I had pushed him to the side and didn't have my eyes upon Him and I feel like he was like HOLD UP!!!! lol Ive backed off with putting my whole effort into it, which I hate, but I need to do it on a healthy level, with a balance.
So now I know what I need to do, its time to DO IT!!!! :)
P.S.
2:07-2:53 of the song above is the best part!!!!
