Venting

I have been wanting to talk about so much, but just haven't had the time or energy to write it all down.  I do have to say that I will be starting back on my weight loss tomorrow and working out.  Its been a rough couple weeks with my hormones and what not, but I have to buckle down and get back to it.  It has helped knowing that my clothes fit different and people telling me they see a difference, so that has been in the back of my head to motivate me to push to my goal.  Another reason is because I ran out of groceries and couldn't afford to go get any, so I just slacked and went through the "Ill treat myself" to many times stages.  Now I got some good food and groceries in the house, I'm ready!!!!


Love.....such a powerful word and yet can mean so many different things in different ways.  I love alot of people and care about them deeply.  I have been blessed with alot of good people in my life and have also opened myself up to others that I had to weed out of my life.  Ive learned alot and I have learned who I want to surround myself with and who I don't.  I tell someone I love them and its in a innocent way when they have someone, but you never know when the last time your going to talk to them will be.


Don't get me wrong...I go through my sad, lonely phases and they really don't last long.  I did tonight, step back and look around and could see alot of people were in relationships and I had a sucky moment, but I think I'm over that.  Its like when I have these moments God just puts a little slide show in my head that I will one day have that and I will be super happy and content.  I think that's why my moments never last long. 


I went to church today and sat with a guy friend of mine, which was different, he also sits in a different spot, so I once again went out of my bubble and lived a little and guess what???? I'M STILL ALIVE!! :)  Though smack in the middle of service, my Pandora Radio on my phone decides it wants to turn on and play, but I mean, at least it was Casting Crowns and not my usual Dubstep.  I'm pretty sure, most of the church was staring at me and I turned beet red!!! 


It was a beautiful day and I decided after church that I was going to go to the grocery store, because we were out.  Three hours later I get home sick, because I hadn't eaten and then I turn to a  B word and jump all over my grandpa for not listening to me.  I felt horrible, but fell asleep.  I woke up and wanted to go walking, but no one wanted to go walk and so I went walking in stores.  I grabbed a few things that I didn't get at the store today and had this serious conversation with the ex, but I think we got it all worked out now.


I went on a Valentine Double Date and I had a blast.  I will post pictures and the story when I load my pictures up in my computer.  I have slacked on everything lately, and I hate it, but maybe tomorrow or sometime I can try and catch up. 

Its tomorrow....lol.  I woke up early and still haven't caught up on my blogs.  I did catch up on a lot of other stuff though, so that's always a good thing. 


I feel like my emotions are going hay wire.  Its not over a certain thing, its just a lot of things running through my mind.  I'm not sure where I'm coming or going.  I'm thinking about my appointment in the morning to see if I'm qualified to get my gallbladder out, but deep down I don't know if I want to go through the surgery now or not.  I also, am looking for another job, but theres just not alot out there.  I do put my applications out, in fact I just did on 2 of them.  I know God has been providing and will provide, but in a way, I just want to start catching up and putting stuff back and paying off some of these bills. 


I know I need to regroup and get back in the Word and start reading something that pertains to God.  I know I'm not doing this on my own and I know that I cant, but I really do miss just reading and feeling close to God.  He has been so good to me and reminds me everyday that He has better plans than my own.  I know I'm just the type of person that needs to be reminded of the things he has for me, because my mind starts wondering and going places it shouldn't.


I think sometimes, the more I meet and talk to guys, the more I realize how I'm not ready for anything.  I am going outside my bubble and meeting new people and I don't think there is anything wrong with that, but I just feel like most want more and well....that's not me.  I put it out there that I don't want to be in a relationship, so when they get all teary eyed, its not my fault.

Just a little vents.....I think I'm going to try and catch up with my other blogs!!