Not The End Of Me

{ I'm no longer this}

My friend told me when she heard this song, she thought of me.  I came home and looked it up and read the words and fell in love with the song.  I know I have talked about what I have went through a million times on here.  It was the most devastating time of my life.  My whole world was shattered, or I thought it was.  I honestly think to myself everyday, "Rachel, God has amazing plans for you". 

When Mark left, I didn't know how I was going to go on.  I didn't see a future, any kids, a husband, NOTHING.  I literally saw my life was over and I wanted to end it.  Everything that I knew, was gone and I was hurt and devastated at the person who I took a vow too, would do that to me.  It still hurts of course, I know it always will, but the wonderful thing is........is GOD!!!!  God has placed on my heart that he still has a future for me.  A wonderful, fulfilling future with great and wonderful things and if I stay close to Him, and follow him and do His will, then he will bless me abundantly and give me the desires of my heart.  How amazing is that? 

I have been asked out a few times lately and I'm just not interested.  I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything, but they arnt what I'm looking for.  God hasn't put that peace or desire in my heart, so there is no need to waste anyones time.  I am happy and content with where I am at in life and I strive to work hard at my job and to catch up on everything that is in my life all the time.  I go out and have fun and spend time with friends and still live a life and try new things.  I know one day when God knows I'm ready, he will place that special person in my life and its just an amazing feeling to know that and for me not to have to go and search. 

Our marriage isn't the end of me.  Its not going to stop me from living my life and moving on to something great.  I wish nothing but the best for him and I do hope he has a happy life, but I cant worry and I don't worry about his life anymore.  The only person I can answer for is myself. 

There is a part of me, waiting to love again, when the time is right.  God is still working in me, molding me and strengthening me.  I know I'm not spiritually ready for a relationship right now.  I still want to build my relationship with Christ and focus on him and what he has planned for me until the day that he places the man in my life. 

I have to say though, that I am proud of myself.  I'm proud of how far I have gone, in honestly what seems like a short period of time.  Just thinking back on last year and seeing where I was at and where I am now is a tremendous transformation.  Honestly, from where I was at 3 months ago, till now, is a huge difference.  I prayed hard to move on and to follow God and to do his will and he has been answering my prayer daily.  I feel my strength and confidence with Him grow more and more each day.

I'm still human, I still have emotions, I still get angry, sad, hurt, and lonely, but the wonderful thing is, is I feel God wrap his big ole arms around me to comfort me and those emotions are less and less and not as frequent.  Instead I focus on the future and the man God has for me.  I love to visualize what he may look like and to be honest......:clears throat:.....(hehe)......like.....ummm........I totally.......have like......started......to look................................at...................................wedding stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)   It excites me!!!!!!!!! :)     I love weddings and I know one day I will be planning another one!!!!!

I'm dreaming again.......I'm looking forward to the future and living life each and every day!!!!!! I smile more and I'm content and happy!!!!!!  Its taken me awhile to get here, but I hope it stays and motivates me to be a better person, the best person I can be!!!!




Every night I find it hard to sleep. My tears keep running. I am suffocating while they drowning me. I didn’t see this coming. I tried to catch my breath. My heart's a shattered mess. I am tired of feeling like I've got nothing left. The end of us is not the end of me. Every second gets easier to breathe. Push the fear away, face another day. Every moment I'm starting to believe, I'm not broken, I'll keep hoping. There’s a part of me waiting to love again. The end of us is not the end of me. Is not the end of me. It took everything for me to see, that my life’s not ending. You tried to break me but I am not that weak, no. I am so sick of pretending. I tried to catch my breath. My heart's a shattered mess. I am tired of feeling like I've got nothing left. The end of us is not the end of me. Every second gets easier to breathe. Push the fear away, face another day. Every moment I'm starting to believe, I'm not broken, I'll keep hoping. There’s a part of me waiting to love again. The end of us is not the end of me. Is not the end of me. I chose to love, more like love chose me. Or so I thought cause you had to leave. Now I'm sitting here feeling so defeated. It's like you punched my heart, call that a heart beating. And I made excuses but the truth is that my mind was feeling heavy. And it really hurts me to admit this, but girl we just weren’t ready. Confetti, hearts torn apart nothin to believe in. I guess our love was Autumn, it lasted for a season. The end of us is not the end of me. Every second gets easier to breathe. Push the fear away, face another day. Every moment I'm starting to believe, I'm not broken, I'll keep hoping. There’s a part of me waiting to love again. The end of us is not the end of me. It's not the end of me. It's not the end of me.

2s and 3s

I don't want to jinx myself when I say that I'm happy!!! I told God tonight, "Lord, I'm happy, that I'm happy".  I have had a few friends who have came to me with some of their personal issues.  I LOVE that they feel that they can come to me and I'm not trying to sound mean at all when I say this, but I'm glad to be on this side of the fence for once.  I feel like I have been the one reaching out to other people for so long, that I love that I'm strong enough right now and living the right lifestyle that I can actually help and encourage others.  I don't wish that any of them would be having any problems or issues in their life, but I know we all have them every once in awhile.  Sometimes they last short, sometimes long, but Faith in God is the only key to getting over or having peace about an issue.  I know God wants us to reach out and depend on Him with everything.  Sometimes we don't feel Him or we don't understand why its happening.  We also might not understand why we arn't getting something we need or done right away, but how much depandability and how much more do we reach out to God and trust Him when we don't get something we need or done right away?

Trust me.....Its almost 2 years since Mark left and around this time of the year is when he started to cheat on me.  I remember when he left, a few people told me, 'give it some time' and 'I can see y'all working it out, but it might be a couple of years'.  I always said, "What? A couple of years??? I cant go through this for that long".  Here I am!!!!  Its been almost a couple of years and we are no longer together and we have both moved on and I'm still alive!!!! I had to go through the 2 years, to learn, grow, cry, laugh, fear, be hopeful, be doubtful, and go through the emotions of a life altering event in my life.  What would I of learned if he left, we got divorced in a 6 month span?  Not much!!!  I have gone through my emotions and that alone has made me that much stronger.  I cant say that I would take any of the time in the past 2 years back.  I love who I have become!!!!  It makes me tear up to sit here and honestly say, I'M HAPPY!!!!  Happy tears of course!!! I'm at peace!!!!

Some thoughts that have been coming through my head the past week have been.....'Wow, I don't know what to do when there isn't anything bad going on' and 'I wonder when the next bad thing is going to happen'.  Its sad.....its sad to think that, but I don't want to think those things, because I'm blessed!!!!  My storm is over!!! I'm not saying I wont have anymore storms or bad weather in my life, in fact I know I will!!!!  My storm with Mark is over!!!!   My storm with myself is over!!!!!  I am living for the Lord and I know with me doing His will, I WILL be blessed!!!  I can be blessed in the middle of a storm even if things arn't going my way.  God is just amazing and He wants us to go to Him, to reach out to Him.

I have 3 friends who are struggling right now.  Who have all 3 reached out to me the past few days.  I'm not going to call any of them out and if they are reading this, I want to say thank you for coming to me.  I will always be here and I enjoy praying and giving the best advice I can to you all.  It just hit me though when I was typing.....I have 3 friends.
~One of them is struggling with something that looks like cant get fixed for awhile.  They have to live with it and trust and depend on God that they can live through it till then.  So they wait.
~The other one is trusting God to provide, but dosen't know when, but still has faith that God will come through soon.
~Another one had a dalima, thought it was going to take awhile to handle, didn't know the outcome, but God came right away and answered their prayers.

Its not really a future, present, past tense kind of a thing, but in a way it is.  We don't know why God answers prayers or even sometimes don't give us what we think is best for us at that time or any time, but God is Almighty!!!! He knows us better than we know ourselves!!!!  He knows whats best for us, what we need, what we don't need, what we can handle and what we cant.  Gods of love, of peace, of mercy, and of forgiveness.

I know when we are in the middle of a storm or crisis, me telling you these things, might not really be helping you.  You know it all, you've heard it all, and its not fixing the problem, but when you lift it up to God and really just cry out, there is a peace, His arms wrapping around you that make it feel that much better, that much easier, that might lighter of a load for you.

I have always been a fact paced person.  I don't like poking around, I like to get things done asap!!!   I was just thinking of my "fast paced" of a lifestyle, how much time actually I had to wait or waited in my life of storms.  I watched my mom suffer from cancer for 2 years before she died.  I waited 2 months of "knowing" of my cancer before I had my surgery to see if it spread or not.  I had infertility issues for 2 years of struggling, month after month after month, and then I have came to peace with my life after Mark left and me going through what I have for 2 years now.  AND I JUST SEEN, it was all  a (2).  I already know that I have storms in my life every 3 years and now, my waiting is a 2. Interesting!!!!  My storms are literally every 3 years....
Mom dies 16
Cancer 19
Miscarried Twins 22
Mark leaves 25

Lets just say I'm not looking forward to 28, lol.  They say everything comes in 3's, well that's 4 things in a row....I went over!!!

I cant live my life on numbers, but it is strange how its all happened like that. 
If I didn't have the time to go through the emotions and grow then I wouldn't be who I am!

I love getting to know people now and their life lessons.  I love to learn their ups and downs and struggles, so hopefully I wont go through some.  Someone told me the other day that I'm really good with people, that I'm just someone that people like to be around.  I never would of been that person 2 years ago.  I lived in my bubble and didn't want to  know anyone knew to enter into my life.  I literally have women coming in the store that I work at, yelling, Hi Rachel!!!!!  I love it!!!!  I love the fact that people are excited to see me and remember who I am and how I helped them!!  That's what we are here on this earth to do and I want people to see on fire for God and to see kindness.  I have to admit, I haven't blown up and got angry like I used too in a very long time.  I get angry or pissed at something when I'm tired or just woke up or if I'm pmsing, but that's normal human behaviour.  I'm not angry at anything anymore.  I want to show other people, what God can do for them and how He can make them feel!!! :)

So I hope everyone reading this, didn't get too bored!!!  I just feel like writing though, I really need to take a shower and get to bed.  I have a busy day again tomorrow, but I JUST realized, I get to sleep in, but I just have a long night ahead of me.  I was supposed to be off, but took 2 shifts....ha.....2 (giggles).  Maybe these numbers will showing something to me one day....lol.....you  never know!!!! :)

Well my fine furry friends!!! I appreciate you reading my stuff and I really hope you find something that helps you or is encouraging in your life.  God is really amazing and if you don't know Him, I would ask Him to come into your heart!!!  He just rocks my world!!!  Like my friend said on facebook.....I'm in love with a man, and his name is Jesus.....I told her, we are in love with the same man!!!! :)

Goodnight loves!!!

Day 35 / Week 5

For some reason I look pissed in today's picture!!!! lol  I'm not....happy as can be!!!!  I think I was like ahhhhhh, picture time!!!!  Today was a very long, but productive day at work for me.  Can I just say that God is awesome and has blessed me tremendously!!!! 

 Well, my face is aaaaaammmmmaaaazzzzziiinnnggggg.  I actually don't have a pimple or new pimple.  Now I do have some that are fading that you may see and is picking up in the pictures, but I feel so great and my face doesn't hurt.  For some reason I still have the little red dots on my face, chin area and I'm really hoping its not scarring of some sort, but I'm going to give it some time to fade.  I know I'm still going to break out now and then, its just my face and body and I'm expecting it till the day I die I guess.  Its been this way as far as I can remember, but the whole....hormone, chin break out was just horrible.  I'm starting to get confidence back and I'm feeling good!!!   I took some pics the other day when I was sitting at the computer with my phone thru my little makeup mirror I have.  I love taking pictures with it, to me its just creative I guess.  You can tell though how theres no new blemishes and I have a few on the forehead and that's because I pick at myself which I need to stop!!! 

Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Day (warning pics)

 Warning
******I have posted some pictures of my baby boy Mark Jr, when he was delivered at 13 weeks.  I understand that to some people they are offensive or get grossed out, but I see my precious baby boy whom looked healthy!!! I have seen other pictures of pre-term babies and I see little precious angels.  This post is for in remembrance of miscarriages and stillborns and for my babies in Heaven!!!********

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infancy Awareness Day.  As most of you know who read my blog, my ex husband and I have 3 babies in heaven.  We got pregnant in 2008 and miscarried twins at separate times.  We miscarried our first twin Adam William at 6 weeks and miscarried our other twin, Mark Jr. at 13 weeks.  It was a very rollercoaster time for us.  We accepted when we miscarried the first twin and we didn't know we were pregnant with twins at that time.  In fact our Dr told us we had an invisible twin.  They didn't see the other baby before we miscarried them. When we were at the Dr with the first miscarriage, we were sad, but when they went in to make sure that there was no baby, we saw Mark Jr. growing bigger and with a heartbeat.  We both cried!!!! It was happy tears!!! I was excited, I was in awe of my life and was the happiest I have ever been in those few weeks.  When 13 weeks came, I took a deep breath because I was past my first trimester and my Dr released me from a complicated pregnancy.  Everything was looking good and healthy and then day 3 happened.  I was feeling weird that day, kinda cramping, and that night my water broke and I miscarried my baby boy.  My ex husband was there with me the whole time, but I know it hurt him deeply.  When I saw my baby boy, I smiled.  I know that might seem weird, but I saw my husband in him.  I was sad that we miscarried, but to have a baby that looks like the person you loved the most put joy in my heart. 

Then we tried for a couple of years and even went on fertility pills.  Nothing seemed to work, and finally in summer of 2010, we got pregnant.  We went to San Antonio and came back and I got my blood drawn and the numbers were low for how far I was.  So they wanted me to come back in 24 hours to see if it doubles.  It didn't.......I remember them telling me on the phone, while Mark and I was in Academy, that I should expect a miscarriage, or an ectopic and if it was an ectopic and I had some pain then I need to head to the ER cause it could kill me.  I know Mark saw the look on my face and he kept asking me what was wrong.  I think he knew that it wasn't good.  I waited a week to miscarry and I never did.  Finally the Dr told me that he wants to give me 2 shots of methotrexate (chemo shots) in my back to dissolve the baby.  We made sure and had another sonogram to make sure there was no baby growing.  This was my worse fear, to kill my baby.  There was no way my baby or me would survive, but in my heart of hearts, I know my baby wasn't growing or alive.  My numbers kept dropping, so there was nothing growing anymore. 

The next week was torture.  I literally thought I was dieing.  I went to the ER twice and I couldn't even pee without feeling like I was going to die.  Its really kind of a blur with all that, because just a few months later is when Mark started to cheat. 

Its crazy how you block pain out, even love.  When I think of Mark and our relationship, I cant really remember anything.  I have to sit there or look at pictures to remember what I felt, or what we did, or how I acted or my love for him.  I can see how people block things out and sometimes the pain is just too much to remember.

Also when I think about my past relationship, I only remember the good times.  It was the other day when I was going through my text when I realized how unhealthy my last relationship was.  I guess some people dwell on the good and some dwell on the bad.  I guess I chose the good!!!

But all I know is that when I think about going to heaven, I don't think about seeing God.  I know that probably sounds horrible.....but I really visualize, my mom and grandma, standing at the gates holding my 3 babies waiting on me.  I see my mom holding my twin boys and my grandma holding my baby girl (Baby Love is what we named her) and just smiling and reaching out to me.  It makes me sad and excited all at the same time.  My baby boys would of been 4 this year on December 2nd and my baby girl would of been 2 on March 1st of next year. 

I know my life would of been so different if God had given me all 3 of my babies.  My life would be busy and hectic and wonderful and just sooooooooo different!!!!  But its okay.....its okay, because this is the plan God has for me.  I hope one day to marry a wonderful Godly man and have beautiful babies.  I will never forget my babies that I have in heaven and I will always carry them with me wherever I go in life.

I have a baby book of Mark Jr that I like to look at, so I would never forget.  I also have a rear view mirror dangle of a butterfly that's pink and blue that I look at everytime I get in my car.  I also have Mark Jrs. little burial out next to my house that I see everytime I pull up.  I know it might sound crazy to some people, but their my babies.  We had a choice to give Mark Jr to the Dr's to exam him to see if something was wrong, but I honestly couldn't let him go.  That was MY baby!!!!  As much as I would want to see if something was wrong with Mark and I, I just couldn't.  We went to Hobby Lobby and got a wooden box, wrote a letter to him from both of us and put some little socks with him.  We also made a stepping stone for him with his name on it.  It just means so much to me. 

{Mark Jr. was born with his fingernails, little pee pee, his daddys ankles and nose, ten fingers, ten toes and simply  beautiful.  I always wonder what he would look like right now}

I have met a few women who also has gone through what I have and they have been my good friends since.  We are all still on facebook and though they have gone to have kiddos, it makes me happy to see they got what they longed for.  I know one day Ill get mine!!! My time was just different!!! :)

To my 3 precious babies........Mommy loves you so much and cant wait to hug you and squeeze you and give you tons and tons of kisses!!!!

Past and future

My life is good right now.  Ive had a few struggles for the past month about my.......past!!!   I sometimes feel it keeps me in a place where I don't belong.  I'm really wanting to move forward and be happy.  I'm happy now with whats going on in my life.  I'm working extra hard and loving my job.  I was picking my photography up, but honestly, I don't really get many days off anymore and don't have any time to work it.  When I'm not working, I'm cleaning or doing other house hold stuff, bills, grocery's or cooking for my grandpa and getting what he needs.  I feel so blessed.  God has been providing each and every angle in my life.  He is always blessing me.  I really want to do His will and have His plan for my life.  I know I must say that alot, but its really true.  He has filled my heart with this peace, that if I just wait I will see his plan unfold and will be poured with blessings and be peacefully satisfied.

I think loving my job is a blessing in itself.  I honestly love my employees and have been growing close to them.  They are starting to be like family to me as they take care of me and let me vent to them.  I went out with a co-worker tonight and we had a blast.  We laughed alot and she taught me alot about the food industry and how waitresses and waiters do things.  I never knew anyone who has worked  in that job field and never knew how things really worked, so her telling me really opened my eyes to that.

Also another thing I want to say is, the devil has really been bugging me about my past.  I know he wants me to live in the past and not move forward, but really, EVERY SINGLE TIME, I say, I am happy with my life and where I am at, SOMETHING OR SOMEONE FROM MY PAST COMES UP THE VERY NEXT DAY. Then I dwell on it and then the next week I say the same thing and something else will come up.  Finally when I accepted my past with this certain someone, the NEXT NIGHT, I have a dream about the other person!!!! I'm like GOOD GRIEF!!!!!

I'm releasing it all!!! To be honest with y'all, I don't look up no one, I avoid certain places and things to not see certain people and STILL, someone will say something or tell me something and I get so mad.  Why would I want to know???  I am not with these people, so why do I wanna know?  Maybe in the past I wanted to know, but now I don't care.  I really choose to not know and don't want to know.  I don't look up anyone, I don't stalk anyone, I don't go by any places.....NOTHING!!!!! I'm happy with my life and they have moved on and well.......good for them!!! :)   This is what happens in life.....

I know if someone would of told me a couple of years ago, that I would be single, divorced and at peace, I honestly, would of looked at them crazy and maybe would of had an anxiety attack with what was to come.  I don't know how people do this without God.  I might of been really crazy and done alot of things I would of later regretted or just been heartless, but God really had put peace in my heart during the time, I SHOULD of been a little pyscotic.  I was thinking in my car early today about how did I not lose control when I found out about what Mark was doing?  It was all God!!! I give him all the credit!!!  I'm glad I didnt lower myself in doing something that I would of regretted.

I feel strong.  I feel ready to conquer the world.  I STILL am waiting on God to show me and tell me when to start my book.  I think sometimes alot of people think I'm just talking out of my butt, but for some reason my time isn't here yet.  I still think about it daily and what is going in it and all that, but I haven't felt led to start.


I want to share this....I really wasn't going to share it, JUST IN CASE ITS TOTALLY WRONG, but I also don't want anyone to try and take my crap, cause its written here and now, that I had it first :)!!!! So the other day I was sitting in my room watching TV.  I was watching the Jonas E! story on how Kevin and Dani got married (I'm not a big Jonas fan, but love their show).  So, they showed their wedding and they got married in December.  I was thinking, December is such a beautiful time of the year, but its so packed with my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas, that it must take away from an anniversary.  When Mark and I got married, we went thru each and every month and we didn't want it around any holiday or birthday or event and also not in the summer.  So ALL OF A SUDDEN, I get this voice......12-13-14, and then I had this peace in my heart telling me that's when I was going to get married, that it was my wedding date.  I sit there kinda thinking in my head....."huh?" "what day is this even on?"  So I grab my phone and I look in my calendar and WHAT DO YOU KNOW.......Its on a Saturday!!!!  So then I start thinking....DANG that's 2 years away, I'm going to be 29 years old.  But then it all started to fall into place in my mind......I would just turn 29 and you never know I could get pregnant on our honeymoon and have a baby before 30.  I always tell God and everyone else, I want a baby and be married before 30.  God just might like to joke with me and put it right up to the day before 30, lol.  Like I said though, I could be totally wrong and this could never happen, but the more I think about it, the more peace I have with it.  That means from now till then, I feel like God will reveal to me and I fall in love with the man I'm supposed to be with.  It kinda excites me.  I mean, I always tell God to please just fill me up with peace and assurance of my life.  I feel like I have a goal and I can just surrender it all and have no worry about my future, because God will take care of me, hand me, and give me the things when He knows I'm ready.' 

But if you really think about it.....why would this date come into my head?  I never was thinking about it, I never even thought about it....was just thinking of their December wedding....never thought I would want to have one in that month or anything....I think alot of these thoughts are from the Holy Spirit, which is God of course!  Have you ever been sitting somewhere thinking of something that was innocent and then you get this bad, evil thought in your head out of the blue and wonder where it came from??? I feel like the devil whispering in your ear.  This is my thoughts on this.  But the whole date thing was from my heart.  I guess we shall see in the next couple years what may come.  I might meet my husband on that day or something......I dont know, I'm eager to see though!!!

Ive always had this six sense kind of feelings.  Even the day I got divorced Mark said something to me.....I had looked at my tire for a few days, cause it looked low.  I even kept thinking of something bad happening to me while driving or being stranded.  I even asked my grandpa his opinion AND even asked my friend to show me how to air it up.  Well the day I got divorced I pull out of the driveway at the court house and could feel it flat.  I told Mark and he told me, "well you should of had it looked at, you know how your feelings are always right."  Mark was around me alot when I had these feelings come true.  Rebecca, my friend, also has been a witness to these things.  I don't know why I have these feelings and senses so easily.  I think its because I feel close to my spiritual side and my guardian angel.  Growing up as an only child, I didn't like listening to adults tell me what to do.  Instead I feel like only God knows whats best for me.  I know God gives us adults and as respect we need to listen and honor them, but I still struggle with it.  I have also had feelings where I was completely wrong and nothing bad happened.  The worse feeling in the world is having a bad feeling that something bad is going to happen.  I have cried and prayed so hard before when it wouldn't go away.  I think in one blog I'm just going to share alot of my stories, it might fascinate some people.    :)

So with this blog, I have shared a part of my past and my future.  Maybe just maybe.....one day.....soon.....I will live in the present and be living in it!!!!!  Actually......I have been!!!!! I have been living up life as much as I can and have been loving it!!!! :)   I just got done dancing in my room before blogging!!!!  :) 



I'M HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I love these graphics.....they really have helped me and its just the simple reminders that mean so much to me*

My birthday trip!!!!!

 So lets just say, that my birthday trip started off wonderful the night before last Friday.  I had seen on one of my friends status about him getting gas at .84 a gallon.  NO ONE asked where at, and so I did.  He told me and I went there.  Sure enough it was .84 for super unleaded.  I called Rebecca up at 12:00 at night and told her about it and she drove over there so I could gas her car up for my birthday.  I filled my tank up (which by the way I haven't filled my car up in a LONG time because my car leaks gas) for $12.00 and I filled her car up for $10.00.  The wonderful thing was I budgeted $80.00 for gas and ended up spending $30.00 AND I gassed up my car for $12.00 so I spent $42.00 on gas.  I thought that was a huge blessing!!!!  My car is still on full!!  We think it was a fluke, that it was supposed to be $3.84.  Sad part is, when I headed over there, no one was there so I thought that maybe it was over with or someone caught it.  But my gas light was on so I had to put something in.  I pull up, get out and look at unleaded and see that its regular price, but then I noticed the super unleaded.  As I watched people pull up and get gas, no one seemed excited, so I could tell that they didn't notice it either.  Now I'm going to notice those things.  I wonder how many times, I might of missed something like that.

 So we headed to Dallas and left around 9:45am.  We get to Dallas and look for a Chick-fil-a.  For some reason that was really difficult and their wernt any close to anything.  We looked and looked and decided to go to our hotel.  We found a good one and checked in, then we got Rebecca something to eat and then headed to Hong Kong Gardens.  I love that place and have been raised on it.  It was my moms first Chinese food.  Crazy thing was, I told Rebecca that I had been going there since I was 4 and when we were leaving they had on their sign.....established since 1989.

 This is the house my grandpa and grandma bought when they moved to Dallas.  They lived here for 20 something years and this is the house I grew up in, in Dallas.

 This is the church I grew up in!!!

 We had a nice room and very updated and decorated.

 You can tell who's bed is who's.  Rebecca is a Ranger fan, and I of course love black and white and Zebra.  We had went to Sam Moon and Harry Hines and also went to Torrid to get some cute dresses and shoes.  Rebecca got her blanket on Harry Hines and I got me some cute purses, which was my goal.  You can see my brown purse in the pictures when we went to Rainforest Cafe.

 So I was sick and I knew that I was about to spend some money on a steak and so I wanted to feel good and not be stuffed up. So I made my own little recipe remedy and well........Lets just say within 3 minutes, I broke out in patches.

 The drink that almost killed me.....ha!!

 This Hotel was awesome!!! It would have pictures and words and everything on the lights on the building.

 Rebecca up at the ball.  I thought she looked so beautiful, but the lady in the back, kinda creepy, lol

 I just wished more than anything that I felt better than what I did.  I know I would of had such a more wonderful time.

 Yummy green beans!!!

 Cabbage soup that was wonderful!!

 Our $99.00 steak!!!

 My face seemed and felt so swollen from being sick.  I hated taking pictures because I just felt so swollen.

 Our sweet waiter came out with this for me.  He was so nice!!!

 Afterwards, well, after the married hostess got our waiter to ride down with him and us all together and asks us what we are doing afterwards, we get down to look at the hotel.  The married man was talking to me and telling me these things while the waiter was talking to Rebecca.  The married guy gave me high five when I told him I was divorced.....kinda awkward.
But I wanted to show Rebecca the Hotel and we rode up the 28 flights on the Hotel, which then shows outside.  I LOVE that hotel.  Actually before I die, its my wish to stay there.  We went and looked at the museum of Dallas and the hotel and Rebecca and I were going to meet up with one of her friends in Dallas.  We meet him up and it was fun because we arnt club people.  We get there and he gives the door guy money and the door man says "Their good".  We get in there, he buys us a few beers and we just watch some people.  It was Rebecca's first time at a club so she was intrigued, but I was dead tired at this point.  Our feet both hurt from the heels cause we had been walking and standing everywhere, but I just wanted to go to sleep.  In fact when we did get back to the hotel, we were updating our stuff and changed clothes and then we slept like a baby.  I think we both didn't turn over in our beds.  The direction we laid down to fall asleep, was the direction we woke up too.  You know you were sleeping hard and is tired when that happens.  We had been up since 7ish that morning and didn't get to sleep till 4 or 5 in the morning.

 So we take it kinda slow the next morning and pack up.  I had started to feel even more sick that day, but still wanted to enjoy my last day in Dallas.  We got up, got ready, packed, checked out and then got some gas.  We headed to Grapevine to eat at the Rainforest Cafe and I also wanted to visit another Lane Bryant before we left.  They did have one, but it was an outlet, but it still gave me a sense of a different LB.

 We go back to the mall that we got our dresses and we stopped into a sports store.....I LOVED this trash can of the SPURS!!!

 Then we stopped for some cookies at Mrs. Fields int he mall and the last 2 cookies had MY HEART and Rebecca's TEXAS RANGERS.   It was crazy.....she got that cookie.....

 I got these!!!! :)   SO delish!!!!! AND with my white cherry ICEE!!!

 This is the keychain Rebecca got me for my birthday.

 and these are the earrings!!!

I had a great time, better than I would of imagined.  Everything seemed to fall into place with us.  When we went to Parks Mall in Arlington, the store we needed was right in front of us, when we had NO clue where it was going to be at....oh AND  a Chick-fil-a for Rebecca, right next to each  other.  Then when we went to Grapevine mall, the Rainforest Cafe was right by Lane Bryant.  I just feel like God really knew our time was valuable and we got to our locations just fine.  I think we spent more time trying to figure downtown Dallas more than anything, but its because they had soooooooo much construction that it kept throwing us off more and more.  Ill say it again.....I KNOW I would of had more fun if I wasn't sick and on my period.  I felt at some points that I was being punished or something because I literally busted my butt off for a month for this trip.  I still had a fun time and great memories.....I just wish I was felt better.  Now its time to work hard and catch up and save up again for something else.  I really do feel blessed in my life.  I have been trying to do everything right and to pay my tithe and to listen to God. I feel him blessing me and I just cant wait till he blesses me with the blessings of life....marriage and babies!!!! :)