Ranger game

My bestie and I went to a Ranger game on Sunday and we had memorable events and plenty of memories to always remember like we always do when we go places.  We headed down there around 2:30 and talked and jammed out the trip down there.  We landed at Panda Express down the street from the Arlington Stadium, across from the Cowboy Stadium.  Had a quick, good lunch and then the search for cheap parking was on the look out.  We ended up finding $5.00 parking and it wasn't that far from the Stadium to walk, which we got blessed on.  I get out of the car to apply my sunscreen and tanning spray and my sandal broke.....but if you know Rachel, you know that she always comes prepared.  :)  I had my other sandals there with me, so I grabbed them and put them on.  We start walking and get to the Stadium.  Now originally Rebecca wanted to go because they were giving out to the first 10,000 kids a free Josh Hamilton towel.  Her son was supposed to go, but things got changed, so he couldn't come.  She was still determined to get one, but couldn't.  We got in and went to the store so Rebecca could look for some stuff, we ended up leaving and I saw some kids with a snow cone and HAD to have one.  It was 1000 degrees after all.  We asked and sure enough found it.  It was a build your own snow cone and of course I'm 12, so I had a blast.  I saw that they had bubble gum and I hadn't had that since I was like 3 or 4 when I actually lived in Dallas and ever since then, no bubble gum snow cone has been the same, so I tried it!!!!!! It was EXACTLY the same as a kid....yes I remember it!!!! So I did like half bubble gum, half cherry and a little sour apple on top, cause I love tangy stuff!!!  It was the best snow cone in the whole free world.  It was worth my $3.75.  So Rebecca had a friend there and we were trying to find them.  In the process I'm eating my delicious snow cone, just following and agreeing to everything she says.  It was that good!!!!  We go to the section where her friend is supposed to be and even the workers there are asking where I got it.  Rebecca got her something to eat and we find our seats.....or wait......some seats that we want to sit at.....cause we never sit where we are supposed to sit....haha.  Of course they were about a million degrees sitting down and Rebecca had shorts on, so I know they burned her legs, I had a dress on, so it wasn't too bad.  But I was sitting at the end, and the metal on the end was scorching my leg, so we got up to get her some water and moved sections.  We ended up finding these seats right in front of the tunnel where there was a breeze behind us.  People in the second inning were leaving, so many people, because of the heat.  Whats crazy is that Rebecca was dieing of heat and I wasn't really that bad, which all summer its been like that for us.  She always loved summer and  hardly sweated and I was miserable.  This year, I enjoy it and not sweat and shes burning up.  Well anyways, we started to live with it and cool off.  We were in the sun the whole entire time until the sun went down.  Half the stadium was in shade when we got there, so we got to live with it, for about 2-3 hours, but I'm working on my tan, so it was fine to me.  :)

So we enjoyed the game, took a million pictures, and had a blast.  We were loud and crazy, to the point that the black folks were looking at us like were crazy, and you know that's bad!!!! lol, but we had so much fun.  We always have fun when its just us two. 

So we left the game and took a different route than normal, because of where we parked.  We find out where we are and about to head to hit the highway.  We are sitting in the left turn lane at a red light.  I look over to my right and see this guy messing with something in his car and he looks at me.  I just look ahead and then I see the guy gas his car while its still red.  I ask Rebecca....where is he going....and BAM!!!!!  There is an SUV coming through the light and he hits them.  Were speechless....but we were witnesses and decided to go over to the gas station and park.  We get out of the car and see these guys coming from the accident scene.  Rebecca asks how they are and if anyone is hurt and this one guy says, oh, hes fine, but shakin up.  Then a couple of more guys come from the scene.  We don't go out there because it was all a mess and we were watching for our safety and didn't want to get in the way.  Then this guy on the phone comes over and asks if we were witnesses and we said yes, and that we would give a report.  He asks us if he would go to jail if he had a suspended license and Rebecca told him yes.  He was on the phone the whole entire thing.  We were trying to help him out and give him advice, but it turn we found out, their whole SUV was full of shady people.  The first guy that Rebecca talked too, ended up fleeing from the scene, so we go out where all the people are and tell the off duty cop that parked behind us, that a man just left and we thought he was in the car.  Then the cop starts being mean to the guy in the car and telling him if hes lieing that he will take him to jail if he doesn't admit some guy was in his car.  Then Rebecca realized (cause I wasn't paying attention) that the other guy was in the SUV and not the car.  Anyways......its getting confusing, lol.....but in the long run......a man in the SUV went to the hospital in a stretcher, the man with the suspended license got a situation and we made a new friend which was the guy in the car.  We ended up taking him home because he didn't have a ride and it was his 2nd day in Dallas, because he was there for internship, he was originally from Michigan.  Rebecca was trying to mack on him, though he was on the young side....but hey.....he was cute!!!!  

So that delayed us for about an hour or two from when we were supposed to get home.....we didn't get home till almost 3am.  Rebecca had to go to work, but I was off.  Every time we go to a Ranger game or event, its always memorable.  We always have stories to share and smiles to remember by.  Last Summer we got caught in a tornado.....literally.....cops told us to go in the freezer and the alarms were going off.....MEMORIES!!!! :)       
Enjoy the pictures.......

 

I hate that my edited pictures are blurry!!!! But you get the hint!!!! :)   pictures are better on facebook!!!

Things on my mind

So what I have learned over the past year is I now look at people differently.  I trusted people when I met them and now I automatically doubt what people say and question their truth, thanks to Mark.  I think when people lie and cheat, they don't realize what it really does to ones physci.  I hate the fact that someone can rip that away from you, when they ripped away everything else too.  I now have this natural tendency to observe, question, and read people when they speak to me.  I'm going to pray about it, because lies are from the enemy and I don't want to have to doubt what people are saying to me.  Its not fair that they have be "punished" for what Mark did to me.  I don't want someone to have to earn their trust to me, because of what he did.

Also another thing is I'm very insecure with myself.  I'm finding myself going through phases of trying to better myself.  Maybe teeth whitening? Maybe losing weight? Maybe anti aging cream? Maybe color of hair or cut? Maybe darker skin (hence the picture)? Maybe different clothes?  Maybe different makeup? Maybe different style shoes?  Should I show more cleavage?  Tighter clothes? 
Ive been trying everything to find me and what is comfortable for me and me having the most confidence without looking cheap and easy.  Ive been very blessed to come across good men who respect me and want to have a long friendship and possibly see if it goes any further down the road.  I haven't had any douche try and just get with me.  Men who actually want to wait till my divorce is finalized and do it the right way.  Though I'm straight forward and say that even when the day comes, I still might not be ready and they respect that.  As I'm getting older, its awesome how men don't play games and arnt in a hurry for anything.  I guess Ive always been in a hurry and just think that maybe they should or would be too, but no.  Just simple people, living and enjoying life like me. 

Ive grown up alot also this past year.  My mentality has changed and what I want and what I don't want.  I'm not bitter, Ive forgiven and let go.  I do get scared and worried about it happening again.  Ive never had my heart broken before and I remember thinking when it happened, that cancer was easier to go through. In fact, the cancer was easier and less draining and painful.  That's sad, if you really think about it.  That someone who you loved and trusted so much, who was actually there when you went through the cancer, could hurt you so much.  I remember thinking and asking God, why didn't He just take me when I had the cancer so I wouldn't have to go through that pain and the pain of losing my babies.  I remember thinking if I go slow enough in front of this vehicle, it will side swipe me and kill me.  I wanted my life to end, when I was so blessed to have beat cancer.  I knew in my heart I was supposed to be still on this earth, but at that point in my life, I didn't see a reason.  I didn't understand how I was going to start over and now I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have learned so much and I know that I can help others.  In fact, I have been told by other women who's husbands have done this to them, have told me, if it wasn't for me, they don't know where they would be right now.  That alone is what I want to be here for, if that is my job on this earth. :) 

I know alot of times I must repeat myself or say the same thing in a different way, but I just know God has this plan for me.  Its exciting!!!! To know that everything I have faced and endured will someday be worth it and be used to glorify him.  I can just see the wonderful things God does and I know all the pieces will fall in place.  I know one day I will be able to look back and be like, "now I see your plan God, thank you for taking me through that, so I can be here today."  Getting there, waiting and being patient is something God has been teaching me lately.  I have to accept that I what I want, might not be what God wants.  I have to trust in his plan!!!! :)

my PPD

This one is blurry because it went through a few apps, lol.  But I want to try and have a Photo Phone Dump (PPD) every week that just shows what I have been doing through out the week, you might see more than the same picture every once in awhile if I do blog about it!!!  Something new and different!!!

1st: is of course a strawberry cheescake blizzard :)
2nd: Grandpa reading his father day card
3rd: My san tan (burn)
4th: Cant read it, but a good daily devotion
5th:It was hot and all I had was a clip for paper, kinda looked cute
6th: Grandpas goodies
7th: Fathers Day at church
8th: Coco in my lap
9th: Mini murph Pizza!!!!  :)

So thats from the past 7 days.....I wanna try and pick a day to do it regularly, but who knows with  my life, if there is more excitement or less excitement each week!!!!!  hope you enjoy :)  

Church Service yesterday

Was AMAZING!!!!  Its all I can think about.  We had a guest speaker and he preached on something I needed to hear.  He preached about Psalm 23 and how we are the sheep and Jesus is our Shepherd.  I have felt like God has been preparing me for something big soon.  I don't know what, don't know when, but I know right now He is resting me.  Things are going smoothly in my life.  Theres no drama or chaos, I feel like the people that are in my life, are people that need to be in my life and the people that arnt in my life, they are well......not in it.  Its crazy when we actually listen to God, how much peace we can have.  Ive been spending some ME time and been doing my bible study and keeping up with it.  I'm now half way through the Bible.  Its exciting to think that I will have read the whole Bible when this year has ended. 

I want to keep on track with God.  I have already strayed a little bit every once in awhile, and have to regroup myself and put Him first.  I have put people and things and events first and then I stop talking to God and I stop doing my bible study and don't focus on Gods plans and I stop listening to my Christian music.  I know when I do this and I just have to stop and put it all back together.  God knows my heart and he knows I want to stay focused.  I pray that whatever I may put before God, ever, for Him to take it away or show me so I can put it behind Him.  Having God number one and your focus everyday can be a challenge.  You have your family, events, problems, job, spouse, everyday life, the world distracting you, keeping you busy and what we sometimes don't see in front of us, we can push back.

But back to the sermon, what he said that sticks in my mind is he said, whatever we worry about a week, a month, or longer down the road, Jesus is already there.  I always worry about the future.  I worry if Ill get remarried or when I will, I worry if Ill ever have a family, I worry about how long my grandpa is going to live.  I worry about these things that I know I have no control over.  I am alot better, and its not really now when I worry, I just wonder and am curious.  Ive had so many set backs and trials in my life, that I'm starting to learn to not worry about things that I cant help or control.  When growing up, what I thought I wanted my life to be like, hasn't really came close to that.  I'm not proud that I'm going through a divorce, I never expected my mom  to die when I was 16 and me not having a parent to turn too when I grew up, I never thought I would get cancer at 19 and worry about my health for the rest of my life, I never thought I would miscarry and have trouble getting pregnant, now wondering if I can or ever will have children.  But life happens and life goes on.  I don't always dwell on the negative that has happened to me, but look at it and realize that I went through it, conquered it and looking to see what else I have in store for my life.  I hope that each trial that I have faced and each dark valley I have had to live in, that it can help and touch someone else one day, because through it all, God was there.  He really didn't give me anything that I couldn't handle, because I had his strength.  Though in the deepest, darkest moment, I didn't know how I was going to live or I didn't understand why this happened to me, I had to look at what I did have, and wonder what I can learn from this, so I can help others. 

I wonder sometimes why I was chosen to go through so many trials at a young age.  I'm not saying I'm the only person or that my life is or has been worse than anyone else.  I'm just saying, in general, people around me, why did I get handed tough trials???  But you know what?  I honestly feel blessed that I was chosen, that God chose me, because he knew my heart and my need for him.  I tend to turn to people during hard times, anyone really.  When Mark was in my life, I turned to him alot, too much actually.  I should of never of turned to him with my everything, but God.  It took God taking Mark out of my life to show me that and I kinda vowed to myself, no matter what man, boyfriend, husband is in my life, to not ever lean on him the way I did Mark, because I need to lean on God.

I could be wrong.....my life could end tomorrow and all these things that I feel in my heart could never happen, but I really, honestly feel like God has this plan for me.  He knew the choices I was going to make and he knew what everything in my life was going to happen, but no matter what choices that I made, he still stirs me on the path he wants me to go down.  He will take, pull, push, grab, bring in people in my life to make sure that I am on the straight and narrow path, no matter the heartache or confusion it may bring.  Because I know Gods plan is in affect and though I don't see it now, I can honestly see it playing out to get me ready.  Some people whom I love, I KNOW I cant have in my life and it kills me, because I miss them, but I know, one day I will look back and see and understand. 

Another thing, maybe I'm just seeing or God wants me to see is how other people live their lives.  I know I don't live mine perfect, but I see how people don't really depend and trust God.  They are out living their life the best way they can or just living for themselves, but still struggle with everyday life.  I can see that they don't have God in their life or that God isn't a main factor.  Trust me, Ive done this, but I feel like I can show them or witness to them what is missing. 

God has really just been opening my heart and mind lately.  I'm trying to stay focused on Him and what he wants me to do.  I need to take this time that I'm in my 60 day wait of my divorce and really just focused on this new life that God is giving me a second chance at.  I don't want to mess it up and I want his blessings to pour on me. 

So as long as I am the sheep, I want to follow my Shepherd in the direction he wants me to go.  I want him to stir me down the path of righteousness and I want to be blessed.  God knows what lies ahead for me and Jesus is there walking with me, so I cant be afraid and I cant jump to far down the road, but just know and understand that no matter what, I need to worship and honor God in everything  I do!!!

Fathers Day

Growing up, I never had a dad in my life, but I had my grandpa.  I feel like I had the best of both worlds, for I had a loving male role model and yet, he still spoiled me rotten like a grandpa does.  Looking back, I never had any regrets of not having a dad in my life or thinking I missed out on anything.  My mom had to be the mother and father in my life and she did.  I never did get to see what marriage was like or the love between a man and a woman in my household.  The closest thing I could get was my grandpa and grandma, and my grandma died when I was 5, so there wasn't really much there either. 

My grandpa is the best man I know.  He is very loving, kind, gentle, hes also a Godly man and a man who put God first, his family second and him last.  I hope one day, when God gives me my future husband, hes like my grandpa.  My grandpa worked and provided for his family and wanted his wife to stay home and take care of the house and kids.  Crazy thing is, she was the one with college education, lol.  But back in the days, it was normal and now a days, I know its harder.  My grandpa did end up starting and owning a business with his son.  It was a successful business in Dallas.  My grandpa is very smart man who could fix anything.  As his years have came and gone, he has gotten forgetful, but still loving and caring!!!  Hes 82 and hes basically all the family I have left.  I am thankful each and everyday that he is in my life and everything he does for me.  He has taken head of the house as much as he can lately with helping me and keeping up with chores.  He cant do much, but just the little he can, really is a blessing to me.  Its just me and him and I will take care of him and love him as much as I can.  I hope that he sticks around long enough, till I get married and he can hold my child(ren).  He loves babies and kids so much, and to see the sparkle in his eyes with him looking and holding my babies will mean so much to me. 

I don't know what the future holds, but I am very blessed.  Also, this day to me, is not about the dads on this earth, but our Father in heaven.  Even growing up with no father, I always had a father, who looked out for me, protected me, loved me, guided me and that's the Heavenly Father.  He still is my Father and does all these things to this day.  He takes care of me, provides for me, protects me, heals my broken hearts, loves me, comforts me, guides me, holds me, gives me peace and understanding, and holds my hands through this world.  I couldn't ask for a more better Father, for he is THE FATHER!!!  Most gracious, merciful, loving father ever!!!

I know in heaven, my babies have my mom and grandma watching over them, with a loving father loving them more than I ever could. 

This has been a good Fathers Day.  I went to church and we had a guest speaker who was funny, smart, and taught me alot.  I am the sheep and God is my Shepherd.  I want him to lead me in all my days to come.  I want him to discipline me when I need it, I want him to find me when I stray, and I want him to guide me in this life.  Our Father is a loving Father and with all the trials I have faced in my life, all the low valleys of darkness that I endured, I know God has a reason for me and I feel special to be chosen to be strong in my faith and to use those trials as a testimony and a witness for God.  One thing I do pray about, is I ask God to use me, to use me to glorify him, to show others what He has done for me and what He can do for you.   Our God is of love, but he is also a jealous God.  He wants us to always put him first and he WILL take whatever you put before him, out of your life.  I know I was put on this earth for a reason, a big reason!!!!  A reason that will affect many people.   All growing up, I thought I was "special", a different kind of special.  I'm not a follower, I'm different than most people, I think different than most people.  I feel like God is showing me, he made me different because he has great plans for me.  I know right now I'm in this transition of my life and I'm actually enjoying and eager to see what lies ahead.  I know I still have trials in this life and I also know that I will have plenty of happy, joyous times.  But no matter what, whomever I'm with, wherever I'm at, my heavenly Father is there for me.  He is a Father who never leaves us, a Father who never changes, a Father who always loves. 

I love my Heavenly Father and I love my grandpa!!!!!     Happy Fathers (Daddy)  Day!!!

Illuminati (true or no)

People think I'm crazy.  I get it.  They can think I'm crazy, because in turn, I look at them for being ignorant.  I have researched Illuminati over a year, close to 2 years now and in my opinion, I believe it exist.  The devil is smart, very smart and is a liar and a deceiver.  I know he whispers in your ear that this cant be true, that its crazy, that theres no way, or that its going to the extreme with things, but I feel like as a Christian, a child of God, I need to be aware of the devils lies and manipulations.  Ive had some Christians tell me to ignore it or don't pay attention if it doesn't affect you, but it does affect me.  I can see it everywhere......shows, TV, radio, stores, outside......why be "dumb" to something when you can not support it?????  I don't understand if you are a child of God, why you wouldn't want to know, or not want to understand what it is and how they are manipulating you?   I feel like that's just another part of the devils lie in your ear.  The truth of the matter is, ITS OUT THERE, ITS REAL, EVIL IS EVERYWHERE and yet, you still watch it, listen to it, support it, buy it, and blow it off.  Don't be naive.

There are so many singers, actors, and athletes out there that show signs all the time.  The little things they do or the things the say and we just laugh it off or just don't pay any attention to it.  Why do we or should we become acceptable of things???  Is it because we feel like its going to happen anyways and we cant control it???  WRONG!!!!!  We can control what we see, what we hear, what we watch, what we say.....and also our children are exposed to it too.  Does that not bother you?  Most people go in denial that something like this is out there and its pretty much everywhere, or they think the little things arnt part of it.  Even if something wasn't, wouldn't it be smart on your half to still acknowledge that it could be???  Do you think when the anti-Christ rises up, we all are just "going to know"???  I don't think so....I believe we will have our doubts, but his actions will show us.  So why cant a famous singer, actor or athlete do anything wrong or manipulating???  Are you scared that you might get mad or go in denial that a song you love or an actor you love watching, that you might have to stop watching them or that you will look at them different???  Shoot.....I have lost alot of respect for alot of people, because of my opinions and their actions of what I have learned.  It sucked at the beginning, but in turn, it was worth seeing their true side and what they will do for fame and fortune.  God is bigger and better and He is worth our praise.  I honestly feel like in my heart, God wants me to see the truth of the world.  Maybe its because I was sheltered growing up and I do look at the positive and good in people.  I need to realize that their are some cruel, evil, Satan worshipping people out there and they have no shame of exposing it to everyone.  I feel like when we "accept" the worldly ways, thoughts and ideas, we stray from God and go the worldly way.  Ive done this too many times and I am more happy with God, in His grace and mercy and knowing the truth than when I was a bubble.  I can turn from what I know is of the world and from the devil and focus on God, then to get mesmerized by what their saying and doing.

Again, you probably thinking, Ive lost my last marble and that's okay!!  Again, I look at you and realize your blind and naive. 

I'm going to name some known Illuminati......known as the Free Masons!

Jay Z (top guy)

Beyonce

Lady Gaga

Rhianna

Lebron James

Kobe Bryant

Shaq

Katy Perry

Kanye West

George Bush (dad)  

Oprah

These are most of the ones that I have heard, seen, or have been shown of their actions, and doings to be Illuminati.  Yes, there is some crazy lies and some stuff that I'm not too sure on, but these I feel in my heart are!

Some signs:  

Triangle

All  seeing eye

Black and white checkered

Ace hand sign that Jay Z does all the time

Lightening Bolt

Satan horns on hands

 Okay, you see the Lebron picture in his USA shirt???  Well most people will think, "oh it means a 3 pointer"....umm....no.  Why is these other people throwing it up.  Also do you notice how they cover one eye?  That's representing the all seeing eye, like on the dollar bill.  Notice the one eye in everything....Nickelodeon, the people, sponge bob.  I mean, there is soooooo much stuff and info I could sit here all day and say or signs I could show you, but if you want, you need to study it. 

Spurs vs OKC. 
People think I'm crazy when I say it was plotted.  I had high hopes that my boys (Spurs) were going to win.  But when game 3 came and I was watching it with my friend and this guy, James Harden, threw this up.......I knew we were doomed.

I knew in my heart, to the point, I basically stopped watching the games and what do you know.....Spurs were up 2 and OKC came back and won 4 straight.  The referees calls were HORRIBLE......I'm not saying OKC isn't good or don't have good players, but I just knew it wasn't going to happen for the Spurs.  Then when it came down to Heat and Celtics......I KNEW Heat was going to win, cause who's on the team????  LEBRON AND WADE!!!

People will say.....oh its just a game, a sport.  But people put time, money, energy into all this, just like they do with anything else.  Why wouldn't the Illuminati want their top people to have a role, be in the commercials, or have people watch them throw up their signs.  Because you know what ends up happening???  Other people start doing it, not even realizing what they are doing.

Lady Gaga......Shes one of the most obvious ones.  Its sad.......but do you see the covering of one eye? the lightening bolt painted on her face? There are so many stories from people too, that have talked about her saying, doing and seeing stuff she has done.  But she has good music right????  good beats???  still want to listen to it?  You need to listen carefully to her lyrics and her videos......the subliminal messages are everywhere.

I just wanted to say the sign that Lebron throws up and Harden, what it means is, the hand is shaped as a 6 and the fingers are 3, which means 666.  Don't get me wrong.....I was a graduating class of 2003 and we threw the sign up for 03........the circle was a 0 and the fingers were 3.  That was innocent fun.....we didn't know and we were representing.  I do find it weird how MY class and our symbol is an actual Illuminati sign.....kinda sucks.....

But that's the thing, is NOT EVERYTHING is associated with them and NOT EVERYTHING is meant for evil and bad.  That's where our common sense and the Holy Spirit warns us.  When we have doubt or we sense a sort of evil in something or someone, I feel that's a warning.  

Don't be exposed to this because of lack of interest, or being scared, or being lazy or just not caring.  This is why things get "accepted'.  For instance, 10-20 years ago, it wasn't "normal" or "right" to be gay.  People still stood up for what they believed and it was wrong.  Now a days, if you believe its wrong, then your the bad guy, your the one who isn't being Christian.  I don't hate gays, but I believe its wrong!!!!  I will not accept it, but pray for that person.  I compare a gay and a drug addict the same way.  They both are living a sinful lifestyle in Gods eyes, but doesn't mean God loves them less.  We just need to hate the sin and love the sinner and pray for them!  

Now I had my whole spill on this, if you have any questions or would like to know anything, feel free to message me or shoot me a  message on facebook.  I don't know everything, don't have all the answer's, but am willing to talk to about it.  I have only met one other person who taught me and studied this like me and that was my ex bf.....we would stay all night learning and finding out new stuff.  He even taught me about the lasers that are associated with this, which will be used in the end of times.  We even spotted an Illuminati driving in town.  Illuminati are not all famous people, they can be teachers, doctors, lawyers.  They are mostly in high educated fields and have good money.  They are everyday people, you wouldn't even realize.  So just watch out and pray about what God might put on your heart!!!

Teen Mom

I enjoy this show.  Not sure why.  I think its because I watched it from the beginning and you kinda get attached to a character or their life.  But I watched the beginning of the last season tonight and it made me cry.  It made me cry because I miss my babies.  I watched Catelynn and Tyler see their 2 year old, which they gave up for adoption, cry after they seen her and it just made me realize I cant see my babies or hold them or watch them grow.  I havent had that emotion come across me in awhile. 

On May 29th, is when I lost my baby Mark Jr. 4 years ago.  To think he was due on December 2nd and would be 4 this year is crazy.  So much has happened in these past 4 years to have 1, 2, or 3 babies running around, I cant even wrap my mind around.  My life would be totally different.  I know everything happens for a reason, and God knew my life and how it was going to turn out before I even was born, but its really not how I wanted my life to turn out.  I know I still have so much ahead of me and God knows that I still desire a baby and a Godly husband so bad.  I pray for it everyday and I also pray for my future husband to be waiting and praying for me too.  My heart still yearns for a family.  I do think about it everyday.  I know God knows my heart and hears my cries.  I cant wait to know what it feels like when the man God wants me to with, walks in my life and we both "just know" we were meant to be.  I know God can place that love in our hearts. 

Im a hopeless romantic.  I like all the cheesy, mushy stuff, and I play in my head every once in awhile what I would want my life to turn out or a romantic way that I would want my new husband and I to meet and fall in love.  I know God already has it all planned out, but it still makes me smile to think of being fully happy with God and a Godly man and a baby growing in my belly.  I think and hope somehow, in those moments, my life would be on cloud 9 and fully fulfilled and blessed.

I hope to also have a very close relationship with my future inlaws.  I do hope they are still married and walking with God also.  I didnt really have a close relationship with my ex inlaws, but my ex bfs parents, I loved and adored and still talk too this day.  They are exactly what I would want in a future in laws.  She is like my second mother and his dad taught me how to shoot a gun. :) They also both were there for me when I had my surgery in December.  I was thinking the other day about last Thanksgiving and how we had it over at his parents house and I helped out in the kitchen.  I enjoyed doing that while the boys watched tv.  I never had that with my ex in laws.  All these small things are important to me, because I dont have a mom, dad, or bro and sis to have and share holidays with.  To have a family that seems like they have always been in my life would feel wonderful.  I know God has that perfect man and family out there for me.    I have a wonderful grandpa in the meantime and for the future to share my holidays and events with.  I also have wonderful friends in my life that mean the world to me.  I am truly blessed.  Just because I dont have something or someone in my life right now, I am enjoying who is in my life.  I am happy and one day, I will be extra happy when God blesses me with a wonderful Godly man and beautiful healthy baby!!