I enjoy this show. Not sure why. I think its because I watched it from the beginning and you kinda get attached to a character or their life. But I watched the beginning of the last season tonight and it made me cry. It made me cry because I miss my babies. I watched Catelynn and Tyler see their 2 year old, which they gave up for adoption, cry after they seen her and it just made me realize I cant see my babies or hold them or watch them grow. I havent had that emotion come across me in awhile.
On May 29th, is when I lost my baby Mark Jr. 4 years ago. To think he was due on December 2nd and would be 4 this year is crazy. So much has happened in these past 4 years to have 1, 2, or 3 babies running around, I cant even wrap my mind around. My life would be totally different. I know everything happens for a reason, and God knew my life and how it was going to turn out before I even was born, but its really not how I wanted my life to turn out. I know I still have so much ahead of me and God knows that I still desire a baby and a Godly husband so bad. I pray for it everyday and I also pray for my future husband to be waiting and praying for me too. My heart still yearns for a family. I do think about it everyday. I know God knows my heart and hears my cries. I cant wait to know what it feels like when the man God wants me to with, walks in my life and we both "just know" we were meant to be. I know God can place that love in our hearts.
Im a hopeless romantic. I like all the cheesy, mushy stuff, and I play in my head every once in awhile what I would want my life to turn out or a romantic way that I would want my new husband and I to meet and fall in love. I know God already has it all planned out, but it still makes me smile to think of being fully happy with God and a Godly man and a baby growing in my belly. I think and hope somehow, in those moments, my life would be on cloud 9 and fully fulfilled and blessed.
I hope to also have a very close relationship with my future inlaws. I do hope they are still married and walking with God also. I didnt really have a close relationship with my ex inlaws, but my ex bfs parents, I loved and adored and still talk too this day. They are exactly what I would want in a future in laws. She is like my second mother and his dad taught me how to shoot a gun. :) They also both were there for me when I had my surgery in December. I was thinking the other day about last Thanksgiving and how we had it over at his parents house and I helped out in the kitchen. I enjoyed doing that while the boys watched tv. I never had that with my ex in laws. All these small things are important to me, because I dont have a mom, dad, or bro and sis to have and share holidays with. To have a family that seems like they have always been in my life would feel wonderful. I know God has that perfect man and family out there for me. I have a wonderful grandpa in the meantime and for the future to share my holidays and events with. I also have wonderful friends in my life that mean the world to me. I am truly blessed. Just because I dont have something or someone in my life right now, I am enjoying who is in my life. I am happy and one day, I will be extra happy when God blesses me with a wonderful Godly man and beautiful healthy baby!!
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