It seems like when things start going your way and you seem to be getting into a good place.....things start going wrong. I'm content with my life, but it seems like everyone else around me is distant and/or something is going on with them. I know it seems like in this life, there are more wrong things going on then smooth sailing, but I know that's just the facts of life.
As kids we want to be older and we cant wait for no one to tell us what to do, but man.....I'm going to sit my kids down and tell them the truths and realities of being an adult and everything that comes along with it. My mom was good at not telling me when we were in low places because she didn't want me to worry and I know I will be the same, but when they say, "I cant wait till I'm older, so no one can tell me what to do," then mommy and child will have a long talk about reality, whether or not they agree or want to listen!!
I know my life is falling into place the way God has planned and I was telling a friend tonight....no matter what in life, especially the worst time, you have to think, its for a reason, a purpose, a lesson, an understanding of what it might be.
I have to think that me losing my mom, me getting cancer, losing my 3 babies, not being able to get pregnant, and my husband walking out and never looking back, was for a reason. I would not be sitting here in this position at this time writing this, if none of those things happened. Think about that for a second.
I was with my friend last night and the person in front of us didn't move and we missed the light. She got so mad, but I am always reminded that, maybe that was Gods plan....maybe if we went thru we would of gotten in a car accident, or a ticket, or whatever......those 2 minutes was lost to where we were going to our destination and everything happened to plan. If you really get into deep thought about it, its an amazing way of looking at your life and everyone in it.
One day I was going down the street and looked up in the mirror and looked down and there was a 1-2 year old almost in the middle of the line pushing something, because he could barely walk. I swerved and missed him, honked the horn multiple times, looked around and all there was, was an older boy, maybe 7 looking at me. The child slowly turns around and looks at me. I literally could feel me running over that child and realized at that moment what impact that would of done in my life for the rest of my life. Guilty, or not.....I would be devastated. I got so mad at wherever the parents were, but was on my way to work and didn't have time to stop and see or tell them. That moment changed me a little bit.....in a way....it was like my life flashed before my eyes of what it could of been.
I'm about to go....I wanted to make this longer, but I don't know when I'm going to be able to finish!!! Until then my friends.....God Bless!!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Reminisce & look forward
Today I cleaned the spare room in my house, because I have a friend coming to stay with me a couple of nights this weekend. After cleaning it tonight and looking around, it took me back to the time when we started making the nursery. I was sitting there just looking around and having a moment of 4 or so years ago. I saw the baby book of Mark Jr. and grabbed it to look at it. to go back to that part of my life was kind of hard. I had to sit there and think about what I felt in that moment and where I was in my life. Sometimes its really hard for me to remember what I felt and who I was, so much has happened since then and Ive changed so much. In a way, I wish I could go back to just feel what I felt.I remember being so happy and content with life being pregnant. I was the happiest I have ever been in my life!!! Everything seemed to be going to plan. Little did I know, that it wasn't Gods plan. God had another road in my life for me to go down and even though I may never fully
understand, I'm okay with it. I love my son and my other babies that I never got to hold or see, but I know where they are. To look at the pictures of my son and to see his father so much in him, just blows me away. That's my child, that's Marks child, we made that and its so precious. I'm sure all parents look at their kids at points in their life and just think....wow....they are half of me.
 |
| Pregnant day 1 |
 |
| Mark Jr. |
Of course, I will always love my babies and I will always remember each part of my life. I have zero regrets in my life, for each bad turn, good turn, upside down turn and straight way has taught me many different things and has made me who I am. I cant go back and change time and I cant dwell on what ifs. I hope nothing but the best for the people who are in my past, but its time I do whats good for me and what God wants me to do. I have been trying to follow and listen to His directions as much as possible, for I know they will lead me to happiness and peace. Even in the back of my head I have questions on why God wants me to have this particular job, I'm not complaining. Each time I learn something new about it, its awesome!!! He knows what I need, what I want, what will benefit me and I couldn't ask for a better, loving God.
 | |
| To my future!!!! |
Saturday, July 20, 2013
God is making the path for me and I am following!!
For the past 3 weeks, I have been known of a possible job opportunity. I had to get a background check, drug test and physical done, since I would be working for the city. When I was informed the other morning about my testing and how soon I could start, I knew I needed to tell my current boss. I had already told my other boss, but he is good at working around my schedule.
I had texted my boss that morning that I needed to talk to her, when I knew she was going to be off for the next couple of days. I wanted to catch her before she started making the following schedule. So she actually came into work because she was eager to talk to me, because I never say, "I need to talk to you". She told me she didn't know what it could be and that it was bothering her. When I told her that I got another job, she was excited for me, because she knew this is what I have been wanting and been needing.
Sometimes, people can tell you all day that you are a hard worker and they appreciate you, but that day when she opened up to me, I saw how much of an asset I really was to the store. I had told her that I knew I was a back up person for people who didn't come in or who didn't want their hours and she told me I wasn't a back up person, I was a primary person. She reminded me that she never has to worry about me calling in or not showing up and that I always come in and do my job and beyond what I'm supposed to do. I honestly do enjoy working and doing my job that I'm supposed to do.
Since being single and trusting in God that he will provide, my drive to work hard and pay of debt has been laid on my heart. The crazy thing is, is what I feel in my heart is actually kind of hard to explain. Earlier this year, or even a few months ago, I blogged about how I felt stuck in my life. I just didn't understand why I couldn't get a job and I just knew God wanted more in my life and I didn't understand why I was just sitting there, knowing that I could excel at something. A few months ago, I finally prayed that prayer for God to break my heart, for what breaks His and to remove whatever that was holding me down in my life. I know what it was, but this blog isn't about that. God removed what it was, within 24 hours and I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. It was then, during that week that God put on my heart that I would have a job before the summer ended. I take what God puts on my heart and accept it, but I do my part as a human on getting a job and trusting that whatever happens, its Gods will.
So one day, I was fed up and just started applying at random jobs. I also had found a job that I always wanted. I had been wanting to work at Chase bank, since I was kid. I love handling money, accounting, book work, kind of stuff and I love the employees up there too, since I go in so much. Bank One, Chase, has been my families banking since I was a baby, its just the bank that I know. In fact I have numerous accounts with them to this day, so the ideal was to apply since they were hiring.
It took me about 2 hours to fill out their application online. They ask alot of questions, they repeat alot of questions and they give you a 40 minute test, that has to do with math questions to 'what would you do in that situation' questions. The next day they called me back and told me that someone should contact me within 48 hours. That same day, I got another job, part time, with a guy who owns a fire fighter supply business, doing website and office work. I remember that day feeling super blessed.
A week later, I got another phone call from the city that I applied with and they wanted me to come in and have an interview. I agreed and went in, thinking it was going to be a one-on-one interview. I was wrong!!! I walk in and there is a conference table with 2 women and a police officer on the other side of the table. One chair for me, facing them. I instantly said me a prayer!! I wanted this meeting to show them, who I really am. I didn't want to be phony, but me!!! For the first time in an interview, I acted like myself and it was the most intense interview, I have ever been in, but yet, it turned out beautifully. This is a serious job at a serious place and at one point, they asked me, "If your coworkers, could describe you, in one word, what it would be?" You would think that they average person applying for such a high end job would say, honesty, hardworking, dependable....something in those lines. Nope......not Rachel!!!! I say the truth....which was goofy!!! I'm goofy, life is too short to be serious all the time, but I told them that I know when to be serious. I remember walking out thinking about that one question and my answer and thinking.,....I'm not going to get it. Why would they want me, when I had a stupid answer. In the interview I was open and told them, that if I didn't get the job, then it was Gods will and that I had already prayed for His will to be done in my life. I couldn't really read their faces with that, but I was just being honest. They asked me if I knew excel and I said yes and then the guy wanted to put me on the spot. He asked me how to do a certain thing on excel and I of course, don't know the proper lingo to it, but I told him what I would do and I passed!!! Then another girl asked me another one and I even finished her question and answered it. Ill be honest, I'm usually not that smart when I'm put on the spot to answer a trivial question, but I know God was there with me.
So they called me back 2 days later and said they really want me and asked me if I was still interested. Its been about 3 weeks, because they had to do an intense background check on me and then a drug test and physical and I of course, passed!!! I feel extremely blessed right now and I feel kinda nervous, because this is a very respectable job that deals with the government.
So with the Chase Job, I kept in contact and I got an email one day saying they filled the position. The day I got called for my new job, I remember instantly saying a prayer to God, asking Him, "are you sure?" I even had doubt for 2-3 weeks and went to a couple of friends for prayer, because I didn't understand why I had so much doubt, when I clearly prayed for Gods will to be done in my life. I talked to Dani, who wrote the book, and talked to her about my doubt since I learned from her, "When in doubt, don't!" and she told me this with a part of our conversation.... Holy Cow...this verse just came to me for you from the Holy Spirit because you asked and God answered yet now you are doubting...read James 1:5-6
To me that was conformation that I need to stop doubting myself and my capability of working at a really good job. I doubt myself so much that I kind of feel like I cant do this job, but I have God on my side and there is a reason why He wanted me to get this job. You never know....I might meet my future husband here!!! Maybe it was for good insurance!!!
So here I am, a few months ago, having my part time job and my business on the side, wondering all the time how my funds were going to meet. God has shown me the past 2 years that He provides for me if I trust and have faith. Even with a newer better job, I still will have faith and trust in Him that He will provide. I have just looked over the past year or two, with trying to find a good job and in that time, you wonder, "God, what do you want me to do?" I fully believe that Gods timing is perfect!! I have had alot of time, to myself, to my grandpa, to make memories and I do feel like now its time to start paying off my debt.
As for a man.....I am not wanting one. The crazy thing about it is, I know, kind of like God laid on my heart about having a job before summer ends, I know that I'm going to meet him within the next year.
I just love God so much and how He takes care of me and assures me that everything will be okay if I just have faith and believe that His timing is perfect! I still feel like I will be married by the end of next year. If everyone had faith and just fully lifted it all up to God, its then, you see His miraculous plan in your life unfold. You then see why things that you thought you wanted didn't happen, or the person you wanted to be with, walked away. God has been adding and removing people out of my life, with no bitter feelings, but I know 'for me', its to reach the plan that God has for me and that I have allowed Him to take reigns for. Why I say "allowed" is because alot of people don't allow God in their lives and to direct them. They want to do what they want to do and alot of times, they end up miserable or not as happy as they could be. I tell God almost daily...."I want your will in my life Lord!!! Where you go, I will follow!!!" Alot of times, I don't understand. I know my life isn't always easy and I have alot of bumps in the road and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and sad. At the end of the day, I know someone out there has it worse than me and would love to be at my place in life. That reminder alone, makes me smile and be more grateful for my life!
Please say a prayer for me as this job gets underway and me figuring out what days I work and what time I work. I know I wont have the best hours, because I'm starting at the bottom pole, but I hope to build myself up here and be there for many years! Also say a prayer for me as I work 4 jobs!!! Im excited, dont get me wrong, I just know its going to take awhile to adjust!!
I had texted my boss that morning that I needed to talk to her, when I knew she was going to be off for the next couple of days. I wanted to catch her before she started making the following schedule. So she actually came into work because she was eager to talk to me, because I never say, "I need to talk to you". She told me she didn't know what it could be and that it was bothering her. When I told her that I got another job, she was excited for me, because she knew this is what I have been wanting and been needing.
Sometimes, people can tell you all day that you are a hard worker and they appreciate you, but that day when she opened up to me, I saw how much of an asset I really was to the store. I had told her that I knew I was a back up person for people who didn't come in or who didn't want their hours and she told me I wasn't a back up person, I was a primary person. She reminded me that she never has to worry about me calling in or not showing up and that I always come in and do my job and beyond what I'm supposed to do. I honestly do enjoy working and doing my job that I'm supposed to do.
Since being single and trusting in God that he will provide, my drive to work hard and pay of debt has been laid on my heart. The crazy thing is, is what I feel in my heart is actually kind of hard to explain. Earlier this year, or even a few months ago, I blogged about how I felt stuck in my life. I just didn't understand why I couldn't get a job and I just knew God wanted more in my life and I didn't understand why I was just sitting there, knowing that I could excel at something. A few months ago, I finally prayed that prayer for God to break my heart, for what breaks His and to remove whatever that was holding me down in my life. I know what it was, but this blog isn't about that. God removed what it was, within 24 hours and I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. It was then, during that week that God put on my heart that I would have a job before the summer ended. I take what God puts on my heart and accept it, but I do my part as a human on getting a job and trusting that whatever happens, its Gods will.So one day, I was fed up and just started applying at random jobs. I also had found a job that I always wanted. I had been wanting to work at Chase bank, since I was kid. I love handling money, accounting, book work, kind of stuff and I love the employees up there too, since I go in so much. Bank One, Chase, has been my families banking since I was a baby, its just the bank that I know. In fact I have numerous accounts with them to this day, so the ideal was to apply since they were hiring.
It took me about 2 hours to fill out their application online. They ask alot of questions, they repeat alot of questions and they give you a 40 minute test, that has to do with math questions to 'what would you do in that situation' questions. The next day they called me back and told me that someone should contact me within 48 hours. That same day, I got another job, part time, with a guy who owns a fire fighter supply business, doing website and office work. I remember that day feeling super blessed.
A week later, I got another phone call from the city that I applied with and they wanted me to come in and have an interview. I agreed and went in, thinking it was going to be a one-on-one interview. I was wrong!!! I walk in and there is a conference table with 2 women and a police officer on the other side of the table. One chair for me, facing them. I instantly said me a prayer!! I wanted this meeting to show them, who I really am. I didn't want to be phony, but me!!! For the first time in an interview, I acted like myself and it was the most intense interview, I have ever been in, but yet, it turned out beautifully. This is a serious job at a serious place and at one point, they asked me, "If your coworkers, could describe you, in one word, what it would be?" You would think that they average person applying for such a high end job would say, honesty, hardworking, dependable....something in those lines. Nope......not Rachel!!!! I say the truth....which was goofy!!! I'm goofy, life is too short to be serious all the time, but I told them that I know when to be serious. I remember walking out thinking about that one question and my answer and thinking.,....I'm not going to get it. Why would they want me, when I had a stupid answer. In the interview I was open and told them, that if I didn't get the job, then it was Gods will and that I had already prayed for His will to be done in my life. I couldn't really read their faces with that, but I was just being honest. They asked me if I knew excel and I said yes and then the guy wanted to put me on the spot. He asked me how to do a certain thing on excel and I of course, don't know the proper lingo to it, but I told him what I would do and I passed!!! Then another girl asked me another one and I even finished her question and answered it. Ill be honest, I'm usually not that smart when I'm put on the spot to answer a trivial question, but I know God was there with me.
So they called me back 2 days later and said they really want me and asked me if I was still interested. Its been about 3 weeks, because they had to do an intense background check on me and then a drug test and physical and I of course, passed!!! I feel extremely blessed right now and I feel kinda nervous, because this is a very respectable job that deals with the government.
So with the Chase Job, I kept in contact and I got an email one day saying they filled the position. The day I got called for my new job, I remember instantly saying a prayer to God, asking Him, "are you sure?" I even had doubt for 2-3 weeks and went to a couple of friends for prayer, because I didn't understand why I had so much doubt, when I clearly prayed for Gods will to be done in my life. I talked to Dani, who wrote the book, and talked to her about my doubt since I learned from her, "When in doubt, don't!" and she told me this with a part of our conversation.... Holy Cow...this verse just came to me for you from the Holy Spirit because you asked and God answered yet now you are doubting...read James 1:5-6
To me that was conformation that I need to stop doubting myself and my capability of working at a really good job. I doubt myself so much that I kind of feel like I cant do this job, but I have God on my side and there is a reason why He wanted me to get this job. You never know....I might meet my future husband here!!! Maybe it was for good insurance!!!
So here I am, a few months ago, having my part time job and my business on the side, wondering all the time how my funds were going to meet. God has shown me the past 2 years that He provides for me if I trust and have faith. Even with a newer better job, I still will have faith and trust in Him that He will provide. I have just looked over the past year or two, with trying to find a good job and in that time, you wonder, "God, what do you want me to do?" I fully believe that Gods timing is perfect!! I have had alot of time, to myself, to my grandpa, to make memories and I do feel like now its time to start paying off my debt.
As for a man.....I am not wanting one. The crazy thing about it is, I know, kind of like God laid on my heart about having a job before summer ends, I know that I'm going to meet him within the next year.
I just love God so much and how He takes care of me and assures me that everything will be okay if I just have faith and believe that His timing is perfect! I still feel like I will be married by the end of next year. If everyone had faith and just fully lifted it all up to God, its then, you see His miraculous plan in your life unfold. You then see why things that you thought you wanted didn't happen, or the person you wanted to be with, walked away. God has been adding and removing people out of my life, with no bitter feelings, but I know 'for me', its to reach the plan that God has for me and that I have allowed Him to take reigns for. Why I say "allowed" is because alot of people don't allow God in their lives and to direct them. They want to do what they want to do and alot of times, they end up miserable or not as happy as they could be. I tell God almost daily...."I want your will in my life Lord!!! Where you go, I will follow!!!" Alot of times, I don't understand. I know my life isn't always easy and I have alot of bumps in the road and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and sad. At the end of the day, I know someone out there has it worse than me and would love to be at my place in life. That reminder alone, makes me smile and be more grateful for my life!Please say a prayer for me as this job gets underway and me figuring out what days I work and what time I work. I know I wont have the best hours, because I'm starting at the bottom pole, but I hope to build myself up here and be there for many years! Also say a prayer for me as I work 4 jobs!!! Im excited, dont get me wrong, I just know its going to take awhile to adjust!!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
July 4th, 2013
The night was beautiful and we got to the top of the parking garage and got a good seat. We recorded most of it, so that's why I don't have many pics of the fireworks, but we still had a blast. Afterwards, we drove around and talked and just enjoyed the night talking and hanging out.
I have to say I am very blessed to have a best friend the way Rebecca and I are together. We are COMPLETE opposites in almost everything we do, but at the same time we know exactly each other inside and out. We don't even have to say anything and know how the other person is or what may be bothering them. I spill out everything with me and some of the time have to beat it out of Rebecca, but that's just who we are. I love her and I love sharing memories together and hanging out!!!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Ranger Game July 2013
I had such a great time and I hope I get to go to another one before the summer ends. I do have to say that July was a great month for me with trips and memories!! I do have to say I am very blessed with great friends and love all around me!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)