Reminisce & look forward

Today I cleaned the spare room in my house, because I have a friend coming to stay with me a couple of nights this weekend.  After cleaning it tonight and looking around, it took me back to the time when we started making the nursery.  I was sitting there just looking around and having a moment of 4 or so years ago.  I saw the baby book of Mark Jr. and grabbed it to look at it.  to go back to that part of my life was kind of hard.  I had to sit there and think about what I felt in that moment and where I was in my life.  Sometimes its really hard for me to remember what I felt and who I was, so much has happened since then and Ive changed so much.  In a way, I wish I could go back to just feel what I felt.

I remember being so happy and content with life being pregnant.  I was the happiest I have ever been in my life!!!  Everything seemed to be going to plan.  Little did I know, that it wasn't Gods plan.  God had another road in my life for me to go down and even though I may never fully


understand, I'm okay with it.  I love my son and my other babies that I never got to hold or see, but I know where they are.  To look at the pictures of my son and to see his father so much in him, just blows me away.  That's my child, that's Marks child, we made that and its so precious.  I'm sure all parents look at their kids at points in their life and just think....wow....they are half of me.

Pregnant day 1

I wont lie and say I didn't cry tonight, just because I felt like I was letting go of something.  I have let go of what once was and I have accepted this is my life, but something awesome happened today.  I got the phone call that was welcoming me on board to my new job and at the end of the conversation, she said, "Well congratulations on the new chapter in your life."  Everyone on here that reads my blogs know that's exactly how I talk.  I think starting next Monday, I will be walking into a new chapter of my life.  The chapter that God has been preparing me for, a long time now.  I feel ready to step through that door and to have trust and faith that everything will start falling into place, now that I have let go of a few things and have accepted that I am right where God wants me to be.  In a way, I feel like this is the beginning, this is the beginning of starting my life over.

Mark Jr.

I have felt stuck and I knew that God was building me up and I knew that he was giving me this time for me to grow and to find myself.  I have appreciated this time and I'm excited to see what He holds for me in my future.

Of course, I will always love my babies and I will always remember each part of my life.  I have zero regrets in my life, for each bad turn, good turn, upside down turn and straight way has taught me many different things and has made me who I am.  I cant go back and change time and I cant dwell on what ifs.  I hope nothing but the best for the people who are in my past, but its time I do whats good for me and what God wants me to do.  I have been trying to follow and listen to His directions as much as possible, for I know they will lead me to happiness and peace.  Even in the back of my head I have questions on why God wants me to have this particular job, I'm not complaining.  Each time I learn something new about it, its awesome!!!  He knows what I need, what I want, what will benefit me and I couldn't ask for a better, loving God. 

To my future!!!!

SONG!!