Another

Negative. I tested sometime last week, and it was a negative. Figures....I mean, that's the only thing I know what looks like these days. I know I sound negative, (hey another negative) but to what point does someone just want to throw their hands up in the air and say forget it?? I'm really getting to the point, where I don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of getting my hopes up, I'm tired of dreaming, I'm just tired of it. I kinda get excited living through my friends who are pregnant. I know that at this rate I'm never going to get pregnant, so I can just be happy for my friends and enjoy their pregnancy's with them.

I don't know what God is waiting on. I know he knows the future and whats best for us and we do pray for his timing, but I wish my desire would go away until he is ready for us to be parents. I just don't know why its so hard?! I don't understand why other people can get pregnant off the bat and yet I'm still here waiting. I'm starting to become really bitter in this whole process. I'm really just sick and tired of it. Ive even thought about shutting this blog down. Instead of Pena Family, it should just be Mark and Rachel....