I feel stuck

I know in my heart of hearts that God has a man out there for me.  I can feel it deep within me and I know when I meet him I'm going to KNOW!  I know there isn't going to be any doubts and that there will be this overwhelming peace within it all.  So while I wait on that man to walk into my life, its hard to not talk to guys or go out with any.

I woke up with this heavy heart and I cried out and prayed to God.  I told God I cant wait to feel that feeling for when the right man comes in.  I can honestly feel in my whole being to wait......that its all going to be worth it.  I know its what I need to do.  I have never been so sure about something that I don't have any control over in my life.  Of course I could go out and marry a guy who isn't for me, but that's what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about I am having total faith that its all going to be worth it in the end.

Something that dawned on me today was, no matter with my life choices God has a way of always changing those other peoples hearts to benefit me.  A person can like me, can even love me and God will pull them away from me.  I know you might be reading this and thinking I'm crazy, but its honestly true.  A few guys have told me that God has changed their heart or convicted them of certain things and at first I get confused, but if its true, I just thank God.  I have to fully trust God that His plan is so much better than my own.  I know it is and I pray daily for His plan in my life.

In fact I have been feeling bored and stuck with my life.  I know you always watch for what you pray for, because God might answer your prayer, but it might not be the way you wanted it.  I just feel ready for a new beginning or something that will get me on fire.  I would love to start writing my book, a new job, a new man, or something that has never even crossed my mind that will all glorify God.  He has taken care of me so much that I have to give him all the praise, because I don't deserve the things He has done for me.

I have such an open and eager heart for the Lord and I want His will done in my life.  I want it so bad and so sometimes when I feel like I start to drift my own way, God puts me back on track to focus on His plan.  I get so confused but so thankful all the same time, because I know it will benefit me and Gods plan for me.  As the book retreat gets closer, I am getting super excited.  I had my doubts for awhile actually, but now I hope this sets a fire under my boohiney to start writing.  I would love to start writing my book.  I have just felt ready to share my testimony, my story, my life's ups and down to the world.  I want my story to touch people and to show them what God has done for me and how He never left me. 

Today was just an emotional day.  I feel like certain things arnt going the way I planned or hoped and it discourages me.  At the same time I feel like God is touching me and assuring me they are.  Its faith and the unknown that is hard to grasp alot.  Having faith is something that has taken awhile for me to fully accept and understand that Gods way is the best way and that having faith makes things so much easier.  As humans we want to do what is best for us and what we think will make us happy, when in reality God sees the bigger picture.  Our future is His memories!  I will trust His way in all that I can and will try to be the best person I can be. 


I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I trust that One who does.  I hope that God opens a door that will benefit me to glorify Him in it.  I know there is a purpose for me in this life and I hope to be used to help others to know and learn about God.