a new year?! :-/

Here was my last years resolutions...
To have a healthy, beautiful baby and pregnancy X Didnt happen

To appreciate Gods blessings more X I think maybe I strayed instead

To be a better wife, friend, person and grandchild X I think I got worse

To help others know Christ X I didnt do it as much as I would of liked

To not stress over my health and dieing all the time and just enjoy living I think I got better with some meds

To lose some weight, that I may be healthier I have been trying

To not judge eh....yes and no

To not be selfish I think I have worked on this alot

To not be jealous I think I have worked alot on this too

To be a happy person and smile more Latley, its all been frowns

To see Mark become a daddy X That didnt happen


I dont know what to think about this past year. I think we went farther into debt, my grandpa went into the hospital and they never found out what the problem was, and I had an ectopic pregnancy. I really went into 2010, thinking this was going to be MY year, but that didnt happen. It didnt even come close. This past Christmas kinda stunk. Mark and I have been having issues. But I dont want to think of the negative. I cant go back into time and change things. I want to move on and look on the new things to happen. Im going to try and go into 2011 and put all the bad and negative behind me and think positive. I hate searching for something that I dont know if I will ever have. I hate dreaming and wonder if what I want, will I ever get? I want to focus on what I do have. I have an amazing husband....a loving grandfather....we have our health, which we are trying to improve. We want to lose weight, pay off bills, get another vehicle. I want to try and pay my tithe right and not fall behind every again. I want to smile more and laugh often. I want to live in the moment and not harp on the past and future. I want to be better wife, friend, and grandchild. These arnt my New Years Resolutions...these are what I want for ever... I want to be a different person that who Ive become. I want to cry to God and lean on him in the trouble times. I want to feel his embrace when Im sad and confused.

Over the next few days, Im going to think about what I want for this next year. I know some things I cant control and will not happen and some things that I didnt want to happen will. Thats life. My biggest fear is to lose Mark and my grandpa. I would love to have my grandpa here until the rapture just with me and Mark and hopefully a child or children of ours. Hes the only parent I have left and I know it would be hard to not have him around, to talk too, to pick on, lol, to love.

Whatever happens in 2011, I hope its a good year....I want it to be the best!!