Tough times

Ive said before, this is my favorite time of the year and it will be memorable as one of the worst so far. Nothing serious has happened, but its just been a down and negative time for us. Yesterday, Mark and I talked about seperating. We have been fighting alot and its been hard on us. He told me, Im like his roommate and I agree. We dont really know what it is. We blame it on the baby making. We no longer make love, its just sex. I took a test today, and it was negative. I dont feel pregnant at all, so I was expecting it. Im used to seeing no lines, so its not very disheartning. But we did talk about going to counseling before we make any rash decisions. We've gotten along alot better today and have been nicer to each other. I know we love each other, but its hard. I know all couples have their ups and downs, and good and bad moments, and were not going to run out and get a divorce. I dont beleive in those, unless the worst, like cheating or something.

We are trying to make the best out of this Christmas and we need to remember the real reason. We need to stand back and look that we have good health, and we have each other and we can pay our bills and we have clothes on our back.

I know during the holidays, its tough on Mark. Hes far from his family, he dosent get to spend it with them....nothing fancy is going on here, the same ole thing every year. Why not go to SA one year? Well...Ive never had a Christmas not away from home. I couldnt imagine hopping from one house to another on Christmas. Its not a reason and excuse, but honestly, around this time, we dont have the extra money and no one else does. So I know Mark lashes out at me, because Im the reason why hes not there. Ya know? I get it.....he dosent blame me, but its there...those are the facts.

We dont know yet, if we want to take it to the next step in January, or just concentrate on ourselves. I guess we will find out more as we pray about it.

But Ive made up my mind.......Im going to make this a great Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






My babies ornaments....I need to get my baby girl one