Thinking....

I was thinking today about our babies in heaven. Mark was praying today with me and he always thanks God for our babies and the babies we are going to have, and sometimes I honestly forget I'm a mother. Even if people don't know, or cant see, I am one, and Mark is a daddy. We didn't get to hold our babies in our arms and kiss them and hear them laugh and see them smile, but we know they are doing those things in heaven. It makes me want a baby even more. To think what they would be doing and what they would look like brings a smile to my face. I always wonder what our baby is going to look like and how they are going to act and what character traits they have from both of us.

As the new year is approaching, my goal is to get pregnant and have a baby in 2010. I wanted that in 2009, but I'm not sure if I wanted a baby as much as I do now. I think I was still coping over our losses. It still scares me to think of losing another baby, but I guess deep down, I have faith that I wont. We pray to God and ask him, in HIS time. I ask God to please never let us lose another baby and that I would wait for him to give us our baby when he thinks we are ready.

As Christmas approaches, I have been listening to music that talks about the birth of Jesus. The real reason for the season. But there is this one song by Reliant K, that I just love. It talks about Jesus opening his eyes and speaking his first words and it reminds me the innocence and preciousness of a baby. Its a really special song for this CHRISTmas season!!!