TWO YEARS PEOPLE

I am...............pissed, sad, emotional, tired of trying.......i have been on 4 rounds of clomid.....first three were with 50mg and they upped it this past month to 100mg. I have not been diagnosed with any problems......tubes are clear...though they did say i have more of a heart shaped uterus....periods are fine.....i ovulate normally.....hubbys sperm is normal....they said its on the lower side, but its still in the normal range.

We have been trying for 2 years. We got pregnant the first time with not trying, had sex one time that month and got pregnant with twins. We ended up miscarrying those twins, one at 6 weeks the other at 13 weeks. I never knew in my wildest dreams i would be here.....24, going on 25 still trying for a baby.

You dont understand, I made fun of my mom for being so old to have me, lol.....she was 26....I guess i shouldnt of ever done that. I do want to have more kids, if its Gods will, but I really dont want to have any past 30. My husband and I have been married 3 years and together for 9, and we are so ready to have a family. We are ready and both of our hearts desire a baby. We are emotionally ready for a little one. Finacially? who really is right? lol....but we do have lots of family, and we already have a nursery with clothes, rocking chair, changing table, and bunch of stuffed animals :) I know there is so much more i need, but its a good start.....

I took a test today.....11dpo.....ovulated, me and hubby did the sperm meets the egg plan, which thats what the dr told us to do anyways, and what do i get??? a freakin BFN!!! i dont know what to do....i really dont.....i dont want an IUI, i want to conceive our baby through making love, but if its what i need to do in the end, i will!!!

Im torn tho, because if I need to do any IUI, i would like to do it this summer, but then im BROKE....Insurance wont pay for it, so i know i will have to fork it out. If i wait till school starts, most likely i will have to take a day off....but what if you O on the weekend when their not open?? i guess thats something i need to ask them.

I just dont understand why my heart feels like its going to bust for a baby, when im not getting pregnant? I really dont understand. I just wish God could or would give me some answers, cause i think im going crazy. TWO YEARS PEOPLE!!! two long freakin years!!