Been having meltdowns lately

I was having a good day....slept in, got dressed, felt pretty, went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks with my friend and her son and then went to dinner and then went and walked around Fantasy of Lights. I got home with them and it hit me. It was the devil. I was missing my ex bf and it all came crashing down on me. I was missing my husband but was mad cause he was with her. I was thinking about New Years and how alone I'm going to be and then my friend was talking about it being okay, and sometimes you go through things and events alone. But I don't want to be by myself for New Years. I don't want to ring it in alone. I have always made plans or was going to be with someone or people for New Years. I make plans for any event. Its just how I am. I mean Christmas wasn't big, but enjoyable cause I had my grandpa there. I don't want to stress and worry about something so small, cause I am blessed. My friend was telling me how I worry and stress over the little things. Its true!!!! I mean, my life could be sooooo much worse. I could have cancer, or my grandpa could be dieing, or my house could burn down or my car not run. I do understand that and I do thank God daily for what he has loaned me in this life. I feel an emptiness inside, but I know I have God. I know it could be a lonely issue, cause I am used to a warm body, holding me, loving me, being there for me. I know this time in my life I need to be alone. I want to be alone believe it or not....meaning, I don't want to be in a relationship, but with God and God alone. I guess I just wish I had someone there at all times. Just knowing that would be helpful. Like if I had my mom, I know if I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on, I would have someone, or a sister or dad or brother or anyone. But I don't. I have my grandpa, and he is there, and he will hug me and pray for me, but its that love relationship like from a mother to a child, or a husband to a wife, is what I'm used too. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to have my grandpa in my life. I take care of him and he takes care of me. We are a team. I guess its the nurture of a person that I wish I had.
I had someone tell me today, that God must really think I'm special for putting this trials before me. That I must be strong in His eyes. That made me cry. I have faced many trials in my life and had many good times. I know this book that I'm supposed to write will be a testimony to many people, and it will be about my life, but more focused on what God has done for me during those times.
I was just crying out so much earlier that I was getting all chocked up. Believe it or not, with Cass and Mark in my life, I can text them and they both will pray for me. They both were concerned and ask me what was wrong. For the 2 people who I love so much, and sometimes I don't think they care, I know they do! It makes me feel really good inside. Still makes me feel loved even tho, they really cant or wont be a big part of my life. But that's okay, cause God needs to be the biggest part of my life. I know the devil is after me and I know God is just scrapping me clean and making me a new person. I really think hes getting all the old and bad off of me and shaping me and forming into this new person. It hurts, but its showing my true colors and my weaknesses. I know the new layers will be stronger than ever, but right now is the hard part. I know God has a plan for me. My friend told me today that I am where God wants me to be at this exact moment!!!! I was like man......this stinks.....lol. Walking with the Lord can be so hard at times. I always thought it was easy, but I don't think I was walking with him as much as I need to be. Temptation and the devil is always there, but God is bigger. I do rebuke the devil all day long. He knows my weaknesses. I will not let him win!!!!!!!!!