I feel like alot of times when I smile, its fake. I dont know if its just a protection of myself and my feelings, or maybe I push them way down, but they like to make an apperance every once in awhile and that moment is happening right now.
Im sad.......I feel blessed, but Im just sad. Im sad for alot of reasons, but still have the mindset that my life could be so much worse and that everything is smooth sailing right now with some minor bumps in the road. God never fails me, He never lets me down. I think sometimes its more mental than anything, how we look at everyone around us and they all seem to be happy and hunky dory, when in reality they have their issues and struggles too! I struggle with just that!! I get jealous when other people can do things that I cant, financially!!! Ill admit I get jealous, but at the same time, Im not bitter towards them, I just wish I could do that too. I blame myself for my financial issues, because when I was married, my ex and I used to live a little bit more lavish than we were and went on trips to form memories. I dont regret them, but thought during all that, we would financially be responsible together and when we split, we just split credit and now its me!!! Dont get me wrong, Im blessed and God always provides, but I just want to try and get out of it or at least not as much and I feel like its never going to happen.
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