Mark Jr

Here's my beautiful baby. Two years ago on May 29, 2008, I delivered my baby boy at home. All day I was having like mild cramping and about 9pm that night, I knew something wasn't right. I kept feeling like I was going to bleed, so I called my Dr and he told me to just lay down and relax, because I was under extreme stress at the time. Sure enough, I went to the bathroom and there was blood. It all seemed to go downhill from there. I started having contractions, mostly in my back and then I went to the bathroom again, and while I was walking back.....my water broke. All the pain seemed to go away and then I laid down....for about 2 minutes when I started pouring with blood. It wouldn't stop. I knew what was happening because it was kinda the same as when we lost our other baby at 6 weeks. I was more scared than anything at the moment cause I wasn't sure what I should do.

I ended up having my perfect little angel at home and had to scoop him out of the toilet. I didn't know if I delivered him or not, because there was so much clotting. I did, and when I saw him....I smiled. I loved this baby so much, more than I could ever know, and yet it was such a sad time. He looked just like his father to me. He had his nose and his ankles, and I knew then and there his name would be Mark Jr. I never got to see my first baby, but we feel in our hearts that he was a boy. He was called an invisible twin. Let me go back....

When I started bleeding at 6 weeks, they did an intro-ultrasound and saw one sac. But when I miscarried a few days later, I knew that I miscarried and everything that I did or told them, said it sounded like a miscarriage. So when I went to the Dr, the next day, he wanted to go in and look and make sure I passed everything. He did tell me....you never know.....so they went in again and there he was....Mark Jr....beautiful and even bigger than before with his heart beating. I started to cry. Here he was perfect, and I was so heartbroken, and for it to change so quickly was a miracle. Mark even cried. The Dr, said, the other one must of been an invisible twin or a vanishing twin. I left praising and thanking the Lord. I took care of myself and my little baby and was so grateful from then on out.

Then when May 29th happen, I didn't understand. I didn't understand why I felt like I lost my babies and then to be happy I still had one, to losing that one again. I know alot of women have gone through more tragedy than that, but this was me and my babies.

I prayed and prayed to God for me not to fall in a depression. I could feel it. I could feel the pain and loss that I had experienced and I just knew that I was going to get pregnant again. I had studied about miscarriage and how most women are fertile the next 3 months afterwards. So I was on a mission.....to get pregnant. I did listen to the Dr, and he recommended me wait a period to start trying again....so I did.

I got on this site, called cafemom.com and met these amazing married Christian women who were the same age as me, and have experienced what I did. We were on a mission to get pregnant and have our babies together. Well....it didn't happen as planned. I mean, the wonderful ladies have all healthy beautiful baby boys, and I'm still trying. It was really hard at first, to have one after another get pregnant, and nothing was happening for me. Its actually easier now that their all done with their pregnancies. I love looking at the photos and how big they are getting. I do wonder, who's going to get pregnant next...not necessarily these women, but women around me. I would be happy for them, but wonder why its so hard for me. I'm going to stop this here and continue on a different page....