This past month

This past month has been crazy for my cycle. I had started my last cycle fine....30 minutes earlier than what I was supposed to, but I considered that fine, considering my ovaries don't really know what time it is.

I tried and calculated my ovulation this month, but this month has been really, really busy. I got more business, which was great, and then we had car problems. Even work at my "normal" job has been busy. Its okay....but then we didn't get to bd like we should have.

I just don't know....things have been happening that makes baby making not as important at the moment. We of course, still want a baby and hope and pray that one day we will get to experience that wonderful, magical moment of having your own baby. But we arnt stressing over it. We are enjoying spending time together and getting close and rekindling our marriage. We talk about what it will be like to have a baby. But we know we wont have those moments..... The moments we just get up at 10 at night and go get something to drink and ride around. The times we go out to dinner and talk about our work and friends. Cleaning house and having everything organized. We know the difference it will be....but a better, wonderful one.

We have been hanging out with Marks friends and their kids and I just look and see how much work it is. How much of your time you actually give up, to give all to your kids. Don't get me wrong....I would do that in a heartbeat, but it reminds me, of just exactly how ready I am.

I'm ready to lose sleep, so I can watch my sweet baby sleep and to feed them. I'm ready to have a messy house, knowing its all my babies stuff and everything they will need. I'm ready to look like a mom and have no energy to put on makeup, cause I no longer come first. I'm ready to watch my husband hold and feed and kiss our baby, knowing God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and now daddy. I'm ready for all the goods and bads that will come my child's way, but knowing that God is in control and that He will bless us.

I don't know when we will become parents. But I'm having fun playing with these other babies.

We went to Marks co-workers house and they have a 3 and 15 month old babies. The 15 month old is very stranger shy, but I still talked to her and waved and smiled, and she just looked at me funny. We were there for about 3 hours and I was sitting in the floor and she finally came over there and sat in my lap. She didn't want to have anything to do with me before, and Mark was even like...."Oh we know who her favorite is". Because, between everyone else that was there, she warmed up to me. I was honored....I really was....I loved her...she was so cute and so curious and was learning still. She trusted me!!! When we left....I have to say....I honestly missed her. I wanted to go back and grab her and take her home with me.

There is something about a baby. The innocence and love they have when you look into their eyes. They love you....they trust you....and there is no questions asked. The looks on their face, because they don't understand and their curious. I want to be able to see that in my child's face. I know it will be so much different, when its MY baby. Its going to be that much more special.

But back to my cycle....I ovulated late. I was like 3 days late and honestly thought I wasn't going too. Then my period was 1-2 days late. I just started today and so I need to change my ticker. I didn't want to get my hopes up about being pregnant, because I know we didn't really try and I knew I was late on Oing, so I knew I could be late with af. I was a little sad, but I kinda expected it. Oh well....This wasn't Gods timing....maybe next month!!!