Weird

It has been a weird day today. Just alot of things going on. More car trouble....boss issues....my own little nit picks, that I have of people, which drive me crazy. I dont like where I am right now in life. My business has picked up a little, which I love, but Im really busy all the time. Im really not complaining, because I do enjoy it and I love taking pictures, and I love editing them. But I do work a full time job and then I have my husband and my grandpa. My husband has been really sick and my grandpa has been needing his meds and going to Dr appointments. I just feel like I cant be everywhere all the time, and now since my car is being stupid, I dont know what Im going to do. We are down to one vehicle at the moment, and really cant pay to get it fixed, but what we really need is a new car. But we cant afford that either. Im not worried...I know God will take care of our needs, but its just aggravating. I have lived through cancer, so I will take a burden like this any day. I know there are people out there, that wish this was all they had to worry about.

But the weird thing is, is today, I needed to look on my page to see what day I am on my cycle and it dawned on me is that I havent looked to see how far along I would be in awhile. I honestly forget that thing is at the bottom, but it does pop in my head every once in awhile. Im also glad that I dont go each week, thinking how far along I am. When I do think about it, its sad, and I thing of all the could of, would ofs, but today would of been 20 weeks. I would of been half way there. Instead, Im checking my OPK's and figureing out, what the heck is wrong. They arnt turning in color like they should. They are getting lighter, and I should have like 3 days till I O.

Another thing is, BDing is like a chore these days. We really arnt enjoying it and its getting really hard. We have been sick and busy and really not in any mood, but then in the back of our minds, " thats another month wasted". Im 25 years old....I was thinking today...am I too old??? I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I dont want to have a kid at 30. I dont want to look back and know that my 20's was a struggle to get pregnant. I want a baby 2 years ago. Its getting really hard and emotional, and now we cant seem to afford to take the next step. I dont know what to do anymore. There seems to be nothing wrong with us. I know if its meant to be, it will happen, but alot of times, I just want to throw my hands up in the air. But then, I think....lets try one more month.

It dosent help that things at work are getting more stressed and worse. I dont even want to go in anymore, just so I dont have to deal with the hectic to-do lists, that my boss has me to do. But I need the money. I think I need to sit down and pray and ask God what I need to do. I havent done that in awhile. I want to do what God wants me to do, and I want to go down the path he wants me to go down, so maybe its me. I feel like its I cant catch up. Money, time, energy, love making....nothing!!! I feel like, I have to do this, and I have to do that and thats not like me. Im the type of person, that I would rather have nothing on my to-do list and just be lazy.

I wanted to go and try and work out more, or do something, esp since the weather has gotten cooler, but I am exhausted!!! I have no time or energy!!! I have got to make me some time and do it. I need to push myself.

Thanks for letting me vent and hopefully, I can find some peace in my life!!!