Yesterday, I woke up and got dressed and ready for work like any other day. I thought about calling in, because I was so tired and felt like crap. I had went to bed around 10:30ish and woke up around 2:00am and realized my throat was hurting, like I was getting sick. So I got up and took some cough medicine, answered some texts, and went back to bed. Well when I woke up in the morning and got dressed, I went into the kitchen to see what I was going to eat for lunch. There my grandpa and my cousin were in there. So I started talking to him a little bit on why he was there. My cousin is in his 40's and it feeling led to become a preacher. He had all his bibles out and was asking my grandpa about a few things. I stood there for a few minutes and talk to him and realize that I'm already late. So I text my coworker and tell her, that I had some family in and I was going to be running a little late.
I stand there and Im talking to him and then an hour goes by, then 2, then 3, then 4, then 5......We had our Bibles out, looking through scripture. I have my book out that Im reading, "Single woman, seeks perfect man", and Im showing him things and scriptures in there. We are just going back and forth....some tears flowing. It was awesome, it was amazing. I have this whole new outlook on my life and what I need to do, to win Mark back, and if its not to win Mark back, then my life for someone else. Around 1, I was getting hungry and so I started to make spaghetti, as we all made our way into the living room. We just never stopped talking about God and what hes done in and out of our lives. My cousin ended up leaving around 4, but today went by so fast. I would say, it was one of the fastest days of my life. But it was so good.
I never knew waking up this morning that I would of had a Bible Study day. But my cousin, basically preached to me and I guess I even preached to him. He said that I was an inspiration to him, of how strong my faith and loyalty has been my whole life. That he wasted 25 years of following the world, when I have the chance of making it straight right here, right now and all I need to do is, go to Christ....I need to read the Bible, His word, and God will show me what He wants me to do, and will Bless me.
You know Sunday, how I said, that I put my burden at the foot of the Cross, and I really dont know if I shared this with you or not, but Im not going to go back and read and find out, so I will just say it again, lol. After I had done that and I felt like God wanted me to tell all these guys that Ive been talking too something. I texted them and told them, which I had said at the beginning but some dont get the hint, that I want to be friends and friends only. I told them, if you dont like it, then you can leave and I said I'm trying to find out who I am, and all I want is someone to be able to talk too. I had 2 write back and said Bye....which made me laugh. Others said, being friends is fine and some were like, "that's what Ive been trying to tell you". lol I had been praying to God and asking him to take everyone out of my life that's not supposed to be there. But I then realized, that I need to partake it in that too. I needed to stand up for me and tell people what my intentions are. I really do like some of these guys as friends and actually a couple of them, I feel like I can witness too, because I'm not the average girl who gives in.
I do have one guy friend. I didnt send him the text. I told him I will have to see him in person and tell him. This one is going to be hard. I really need to pray about this and I dont know why it bothers me so much. He is close to my heart, but he was my friend first. Hes not like these other ones who I have been since Mark left. He was there for me before.
Update: God has answered my prayer, early in the morning......I cant sit here and say what and who this person is, but everything is okay and I didnt even have to do anything.
God is good....today was a good day. I started writing this blog yesterday and never finished. I am inspired to do what God wants me to do. I prayed and cried out to God last night and I told him, I want to be happy again. I was smiling alot today. Im still not complete, Im not whole, I still have this part of me missing, but God is filling in the void. WITH HIM!!!!! It feels amazing. God has something planned for me....and its awesome!!!! I can feel it, seeping through my skin. Something is going to happen to me that would of never happened to me, if this wouldnt of happened in my life. God is so much powerful and so awesome that I want to praise him all the time.
Its sad when it takes something bad or tramatic or death defining to run to God. When everything is fine, we just sit back and take it day by day. But its something that knocks us off of our feet we cry out. I always told myself, when I had cancer that I would never do it again, that I would always stay true and stay close to God. That didnt happen....I found myself straying once again.....leading off the path he wants me to go down a little at a time.
I honestly feel like God gives me whippings. He gives me the little things in life, that make me get on my knees and cry out, and he has the big things in my life that make me do the same.
I want to express how I have always felt. Im special!!! I was born to do something BIG. I know when I die, my name will be remembered. Im not trying to sound cocky or anything, Im not...I swear. I just feel like God uses me, maybe more than others?! Im not sure!! Or maybe I listen more or better than most people. I just want my rewards to be in heaven and not of this world!!
I hope everyone had a good hump day!!! God bless!!!!
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