My friend sent me this song!!!
I went out searching for something that I felt like I was missing. I missed affection, a mans attention, to feel wanted, to feel needed, but it was all wrong. I was never happy with it and I didn't get anything out of it. I knew I was searching for something that I had all along, but even better. I have Gods love, affection, attention, I'm wanted by Him and I need Him!!!! To know that my Heavenly Father has my heart and will never leave me or abandon me, is the most peaceful, amazing feeling I could ever ask for.
I had one of the guys I was talking too, text me out of the blue today and asked me what I was doing. I told him I worked till 10pm and he asked me if I wanted to kick it afterwards. I had zero desire. I wanted to go home and blog about what God has done for me. I didn't want to go over there and do whatever that probably wasn't pleasing to the Lord anyways, but to be in a place where I have no desire is huge for me.
I feel like I'm back to my old self again when I was happy and content with my life when I walked with the Lord. The awesome and amazing thing about God is, is He likes to remind me of the future He has for me. He likes to tell me that He has an amazing man for me that will be my other puzzle piece in this life and He likes to tell me that Hes not done with me and I have a purpose for this life.
I think about God all the time and wanting to do His will. I even started back reading my Bible so I can finish it. I still have cut alot of things out of my life, so I can stay focused on Him.
I went and saw my Urologists the other day for my yearly exam and you know what??? He told me...."Ill see you in a couple of years". He didn't even want to get any exams done, because back when I had my appendix out late in 2011, they did an CT scan and it was good and also, when I had my gallbladder attack and they did an ultrasound, he said he couldn't see the kidney, but that he could see the beginning part of the valve and it looked fine and he was completely happy with that. Now don't get me wrong....I did do the whole, "you sure?" questions and all that, but he said, Nope!!!! He also told me no diet pills, so I guess those are out of the question, but honestly.....I'm glad, because its motivated me more to eat better and get back on my regimen of exercise....a lifelong change. If you only fully knew what it feels like to take a cancer test and wait for the results......ITS TORTURE!!!!! To skip that with Dr's confidence and just my peace I feel, makes me feel great!!!! I wasn't looking forward to it, at all!!! Then my other Dr's, have been telling me that I might not need to get my gallbladder out since I haven't been having any problems with it.....Ill take that too!!! I dint want surgery and recovery. I feel like my life is getting back on track when things seemed to be a little rocky there for a bit.
Also my grandpa had a Drs appointment to check his lungs and he is 83 years old and the guy that was doing it, told him that he was the best he has seen, because he didn't get tired. Go Grandpa!!!!! I love him so much and I feel like God has been opening my heart and eyes up to see what an amazing man he really is and how blessed to have such a sweet, Godly man in my life. I want my husband to be just like him!!!! I am really a blessed woman for the life God has given me!!! I wouldn't trade my life with no one else, even with all the ups and down and I have faced. I am grateful for everyone who has came in and out of my life, for it made me the person I am today. I have wonderful friends and a great family, and an amazing God whom I serve!
I was at work today in the back doing freight and of course I turn the radio on to Christian music.....I couldn't help but think of the love Jesus has for me. I don't deserve anything and yet he provides and I have gone against His commandments and yet He still delivered me out of sin. Sometimes when I think of myself, I think that I am alot like David in the Bible. David committed adultery, he killed someone (had them killed pretty much) and yet, God knew His heart and David cried out to God in Psalms. I know I'm not perfect, I know I have sinned, but my heart cries out to God all the time. Alot of times, there are no words....its just thank yous, and I'm sorrys, and I'm not worthy, and I love you and How can you love me? In those moments when my heart is crying out, I always feel God put peace and love within me. I really don't understand people who don't know God, how they go through their daily walk without Jesus. I know they have to secretly be miserable or empty.
At the end of the day, I honestly want to do Gods will!!! I want to do whats right according to Him. Will I fail? Yes...everyday!!!! That's whats so great about Jesus.....He died for my sins and He loves me that much!!! Jesus knows my heart, for He has my heart and I'm glad that he can see my true desires.
Its an amazing feeling to know too, when you friends tell you, "wow, you seem happy!!!"
I AM!!!! I AM BLESSED!!!!!! :)
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