Trusting in God

Today was lazy day for me.  Something that I wanted and needed since tomorrow is going to be super busy.  I came home from grabbing me something to eat and was going to see what was on TV and I noticed Courageous was on.  I felt in my heart this is something that I needed to watch and instantly felt God grabbing my attention.


I have been praying for awhile to get more closer to God and I could feel me having a bit if a wall up to fully surrender.  I have been trying to talk to God more and listen to Christian music to just focus on Him at all times.  I guess with me, I get distracted easy and if I hang out with someone who isn't focused on God for a bit of time or even listen to certain music, I start living of the world.  It can be so easy to fall into our human nature and the worldly wants and sins.  Every time I fall away from the Lord, I catch myself in a state of misery.  I look back at the past weeks or months that I strayed and I can see how all those things I did, wasn't worth it. 

The good thing about God is, that His son came to this earth and died for MY sins.  He carried them on the cross and died for them, that if I accept Him in my heart, WHICH I HAVE, that I can live forever with Him in Heaven.  What kind of man or person can I ever put before Him???  What kind of love is stronger or more than that?  How can I try to find love or happiness in anything in this earth, when I have the true Love inside of me??? 

I know that we are made for companionship and a mate and especially when you had it once and to start over and to feel a void, its hard to grasp alot.  I cant help but have this burning desire in my heart for this one man.  I know in my heart, more than anything, that there is this one man that God wants me to be with and refuse to settle for something other than the man God has for me. 

There are a few things I want to do for myself before that man walks into my life.  I would love to get a good steady job and maybe even start working on my book.  I have to say I am excited about going to this book retreat and still trusting God for the funds to go.  I'm not going to worry about it, but trust that His will be done and He will provide.  How awesome is that to just trust and have faith and watch His blessings pour in????  I know each month, that God provides for me.  I do pay my tithe each paycheck and I try to be smart with my money, but I know I'm not perfect. 

Before I got accepted with my free health care, I prayed and asked the Lord if I get accepted I would get my gallbladder out and if not, then okay!  Well as I have gone to the Dr a few times about it, the Dr said I probably wont be getting it out, but I did get a referral to my urologist to get my Kidney exam done.  So when I thought of something going one way, God had intentions on another.  Monday I have my appointment and last year I didn't go, because I didn't have any insurance, so this is blessing.  I do pray that everything is okay and that I will be 8 years cancer free!!! :)

I want to be that woman that a man can look at and be like WOW!!!  Shes a Godly woman who puts God first and waited on me.  I want my future husband to be proud that I had faith in God that we would meet one day and I want to be able to give my whole heart to him.  I want to be that woman that my friends can see Jesus in me and be proud that I am their friend and I want to be true and honest of a person.  I want to be a Godly woman who people can see Jesus on me without me having to even mention His name.  I want Gods will in my life and I want to do His will, while I am on this earth.  I know I need to get my stuff back together and stay focused on God and His face!  It can be so hard living in this world and to stay focused on Him and His plans.  So many times I want to do what I think is best, when God sees the picture and He is already there, tomorrow, the end of this year,  10 years from now, and my last day on this earth. 


My favorite scripture verse, in which I said every day for a month for 10 years straight didn't mean anything to me, until one day.  One day when I was going through my cancer and what it said hit me....

Proverbs 3: 5,6

5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Now I want you to read it again:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart......not a little bit, not almost all of it....ALL your heart!!!

Lean not unto thine own understanding.....What you may think is best or not good, don't trust your own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him....Praise God in everything you do and even when things go wrong or bad, still praise Him, praise Him in the storm.

He shall direct thy paths......He will guide you in the direction that will make you the most happy and blessed, even if trials do come!! 

I actually have a ring on my finger that has this scripture verse on it.  I know this is going to be battle with my sinful born nature and the enemy trying to distract me in my weaknesses and whispering lies in my ear, but I have done it before and had a close relationship with God and this is what I want.  So here I go...... keep me in your prayers!!!