I got a friends request.....it was a name that I knew all too well. A name that I looked up, researched, and tried to find for many years. I found my cousins, aunts, uncles, but never my dad. I have friends on facebook and even talk to an aunt of mine. I noticed after we started talking, my dad had a facebook. I asked my aunt if that was him and she said, she wasn't sure because she sent a request, but he hadn't answered it. Probably a few months went by and then I realized that he had 3 of my friends on there, because at the bottom of my phone, it asked me if I want to be friends with this person. So I knew it was him if my aunts and cousins were friends with him. He had no picture....then...I noticed not to long ago, he had 2 pictures. So I knew he was getting on more. My aunt talked to me one night and asked me if I would send him a friends request and I told her I wouldn't. I told her that I want him to make the move if he wants to be in my life. He is the parent, and he is the one that didn't want to be in my life, so he can take that step if he wants to get to know me. She then asked me, if I would get to know him if he approached me. I said sure. I will give someone a chance. I believe people change. I know people make mistakes and they grow up and change and want to make things different and better. I know it must of been scary for him to send it and I think now, what he was actually thinking. He knows, I must look at him a certain way for him to not be in my life for so long. I don't know if he feels guilty, or a failure, or shoot, he might just want to see my pictures since my page is set to private. I asked my friend....what if I accept him and he never speaks to me? How weird would that be? I don't know him...I don't love him...hes a stranger to me. I think deep down, I love him, cause hes half of me, but I don't know this man. As much as I want a baby, I want to see my child and I want to see half of me and half of Mark. I only seen my mom in me and never him. Then I look at him and I don't see anything, but then my aunt said I look like her youngest daughter. I go look her up and bam.....it was scary.
I will try and keep you updated better as things go on with me and everything else. We are going through alot and it all started in 2011. I wonder what this year will bring us, maybe closer together. Maybe my puzzle pieces in life were meant to all be put together slowly but surely. Maybe things need to be put together before we have our own family. I don't know, but I'm taking it ONE DAY AT TIME.....I'm living in the moment!!!!
This is some of my dads brothers and sisters....the women standing up in the middle is my aunt that I talk too....the guy in the coca-cola shirt is my dad. The next pictures are my cousin....we do look alot alike and have the same kind of profile. Its scary, but I guess I'm learning who half of me came from.
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