Scary

To start off the New Years with a blog like this, is kinda scary. Mark and I had another fight, and it didn't end good. I mean, hes still here, but he told me more about how he felt. He said he doesn't feel connected to me anymore. That there is no spark. That when we kiss....its nothing. I have said that before too about our kisses. But then there are times, that I kiss him and just love it.

We both admit that God is not our focus lately, especially in our marriage. We have a routine of things and we both have strayed. We are trying our hardest, or at least I am, to go back to how it was. I don't believe in divorce whatsoever, but I know its hard to be with someone, that you don't feel connected too.

I on the other hand love him with my whole heart. He is the best husband I could ask for. He does anything and everything for me and I know I have taken that for granted. He told me, hes lost himself somewhere. Its true...we have been together for so long, and right after high school, he moved up here and we've been together ever since. I don't regret that part, but at the same time, I can see, that maybe as a man, he would of liked to stand on his own feet and learn things. But we cant go back in time.

It really hurts me, and it scares me sooo much, to think he wont ever feel the same way again. I told him, maybe he just needs to go to San Antonio a few days and spend some time with his family, away, without me. I think all of us, sometimes need to just get away from things and revamp. He tells me, that he looks in the mirror and don't know who he is. I asked him, what does he need to do to figure that out and he told me he didn't know.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this. I feel like a failure....but we need prayers. We talked about how for the past 2 years, all of our focus has been on baby making. Well, right now we are putting that down and out. I'm going to call and cancel my appointment for my Gyn and instead call for counseling. Theres no point in putting stress on stress when we clearly need to focus just on us right now.

If anyone has any ideas or advice, I could really use it right now. Does anyone know if this is normal? I know every couple has the good and bad moments. I just don't want him to lose hope on us.