So I'm waiting.....I don't feel pregnant. I thought I was feeling pms symptoms, but they kinda went away. As the days, weeks, and months go by, I'm getting closer to not having a baby this year. I really wanted this year to be the year. At times, I just want to throw my hands up and just say forget it. I really do!!! I know I will get pregnant and have a baby when God is ready, so should I even worry and try to have one? Should I take meds to get pregnant? I mean, I guess if its Gods will, then I wouldn't even get pregnant anyways. But maybe I need that extra push? I don't know!!! I really get discouraged at times. I think sometimes, its just not what I'm supposed to be....maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother. But then I cant understand why I would feel this way...why I would have this desire and urge and when I see a baby, I just melt. My heart melts, to hold my own child, to kiss their fingers and toes and watch them sleep. I want that so bad. I want to be able to feel them kick inside of me. But then again....I get discouraged that its never going to happen. I have lots of friends and family tell me, "Rachel, it ll happen...your turn is coming up next". But it never does....someone else I know, will get pregnant before me.
Is it sad, that I'm like bored with my life? I'm ready for that next chapter. I'm ready for me and my husband to have more responsibilities and to love someone else that's apart of us. I know Mark wants a baby bad too. We pray everyday together and he prays for our babies in heaven, and thanks God for them everyday and for the babies that we are going to have. We both pray to have good health and for our finances. God has blessed us so much....I mean he really has blessed us and has let us do things, I really didn't think we were able to do, and he has just blown me away of his blessings. It makes us think, maybe hes getting us ready for a baby. We are doing things, we wouldn't of been able to do with a baby or pregnant. Our God is so awesome!!!
Who knows....maybe its just one of those days....I'M READY!!! that's all I have to say....I'M JUST READY ALREADY!!! I've been ready....I'm tired of waiting....I'm bored....
You have been waiting a long time...but God has a perfect timing...when you do get pregnant, you will find out why God waited..even though it took us 9 months to get Judah, I now understand why he made us wait...its one of those things you don't understand until he gives you that revelation..but God put that desire in your heart and as a woman of God, you will get that desired fufilled...it may not be exactly when or how you planned it...but it will happen...you got to stop putting time limits on it or you will drive yourself nuts...just let it happen...it will!! :) I love you!!
ReplyDeleteDear God, please give Rachel a peace and comfort that only you can give. Please allow her to believe and trust completely in you. Help her to give it all to you and to not stress and worry. please God if it is not meant for her and Mark to be parents, please take that desire from them. Help them to pray for your will and for patience to wait for your timing. God I pray all this in your most holy and precious name, AMEN!
ReplyDelete