Me

My New Years resolution this year was, "I'm doing me". Meaning, I'm going to focus on me. I thought at first that's being selfish, but really, no its not. I need to straighten out my life, focus on whats really important in life, fix the issues I may have, and get right with the Lord. I also want to lose weight. I know people say that all the time and they start off doing it and might lose some, but then they get back in their old lifestyle habits. I have been doing good for awhile now, since New Years. I don't put all my focus in it, but I'm aware of what I'm doing and eating. I try to work out at least one day a week. I know, your thinking, ONE DAY? But the other days, I'm doing other stuff. I have been mowing once a week and that's a few hours. I take my time and push myself. I even did yard work today and even moved stuff around, cut bushes, and weedeaded alot of overgrown grass. I pushed myself, not because I wanted too, but because I felt good. I put my music on and listened to Christian music and actually enjoyed myself. Ive also been walking for an hour or two at a time, and have been doing leg exercises at home. I have been eating way less and actually been on a meal a day. I know its bad for you to do that, but I'm just not hungry and don't even think of eating until my stomach hurts or my head starts hurting. I'm finding myself in clothes that I normally wouldn't wear, but at the same time, I'm feeling more confident in them.

I really want to change everything about me. I want to try new stuff, go outside my box. I want to have a different style and explore who Rachel really is. I want to build my confidence and become a stronger me. I want to be confident in who I am with the Lord and strong when temptation comes my way. I also want to be confident in my appearance and I want people to see God in me. When your "in love", you do tend to let yourself go, cause your comfortable and the other person loves you no matter what. But now I'm here, single, and when the divorce is final, I feel like I'm going to be let go in a world with prowling lions. I haven't been single and I don't know what its fully like. To say I'm not married or with anyone is going to be different for me for sure, and at first I even was a little scared, but I know God has a plan for me.

I want to get more healthy and get my muscle tone back. I want the next man that I'm with, I want him to be proud I'm on his arm. He may be proud even what I look like now, but I want to be confident on his arm and I know that means for me to lose weight. I have scars from my kidney cancer surgery to my appendix scars which are 3, that I'm a little insecure about. But I hope the next man that I'm with accepts them, because they are scars that saved my life. I know God has someone out there for me. I'm actually getting excited about him and hopefully the family God will bless us with.

I really am happy the strength God has given the past week and even the past 3 months. I can feel him transforming my heart and him preparing me for something great. I know I still need to remain to have faith in him and he will reveal or show me his plan and path. I really wish nothing but the best for Mark and I do hope he focus's on his relationship with God also. Ive accepted this is my life and how its going to be and I feel God preparing me for the next chapter in my life. I feel the pages slowly turning. :)