Emotions

I woke up with this bad feeling. Such a bad feeling that I had to delete a friend off of facebook cause I didn't want to be tied to a certain someone. For the past week, I have been having dreams and waking up to this one person, to this other person. Like even right now, sitting here, I have this uneasy feeling. I don't want it, Ive been praying, but it wont go away. I know this one person isn't meant for me, so I should be able to accept and go on with whatever he does in this life. I could of had the chance to be with him, but I know hes not for me. In fact, I can look at alot of guys around me and "know" they arnt for me. Its crazy!!! I cant wait to actually feel what its going to feel like when that guy "is" for me.

But with my life lately, I have been struggling with fully letting go. I feel like God wants me to take these steps and I will be free and have peace, but I'm still struggling with it. I'm not even sure how to approach some of them. In a way I feel obligated to keep some, since I am married. But I really do want to be free and no chains holding me down. I know I have to go through the steps to get there, but in the meantime, its kinda sucking.


I feel alot better. I wrote this earlier when I woke up and Ive asked people to pray for me and got some encouragement. I really feel like the devil was after me today. I'm trying to do the right things and the things to glorify God. Satan's been really telling me in my ear of the worldly desires and its hard to fight those sometimes. But I know in the end, it will be worth it. I know this will be a spiritual battle with me, but I feel so blessed that I have wonderful Christian friends who pray for me and put up with me. This is definitely a new journey for me and I'm walking and facing it, with just me and following God. As much as I don't want to be alone, cause I'm used to always having someone, its really a good lesson and growth for me. I want to be independent with God and me. I know God will place that man in my life, at the right time, I'm sure right when I least expect it. I hope he sees in me, my love for God and how I want to live right and I hope he was praying for me, like I was praying for him. God knows my heart and knows that I want to do whats right. I know I wont be perfect and I will sin and fall, but I just hope my heart always stays focused on God.