This picture is so true. I really feel like God, well I KNOW God wanted me to fight for my marriage. He was putting that fight in me and that desire too. I wasn't even sure if I wanted too and alot of times didn't know what I was even fighting for, but I knew it was in my heart and God had put it there. I came across this today and have been realizing the past few weeks how my heart has changed. I no longer feel to fight for my marriage, but to accept this divorce and move on. I know God has a plan and I know he put things and desires in our heart for a reason. I really feel like he wanted me to have my last fight and have Mark know that I was willing to do anything for my marriage. I also feel like he wanted me to fight to keep my eyes up on the Lord and to focus on really what I should be. Well I have been fighting the past few months and I know God knows Marks heart, just like he knows mine and yours and knows the path Mark is going to take. I had even texted Mark and asked him one night if I should keep fighting for our marriage and if our marriage will ever be saved. He said no, our marriage wont be saved and that I should stop fighting, that hes not in love anymore. I think that's what I needed to hear. It was like God told me....okay, you don't what you can, you can move on. I was scared of going through with this divorce, feeling like I failed and having to start over, but I really feel like God is giving me a second chance at life again. I don't think that there will be this man that God wants me to be with, just showing up and running in my life like prince charming. I honestly feel like God wants me to be single and to trust him. I know God wants to use me to be a testimony and to get stronger. I also know that God knows my heart and knows I do want a family. But this is where its going to get hard and tough and lonely. But I'm not going to be lonely. I'm going to have God in my life and I need to learn that he is enough. I know he is, but it does get hard at times, especially since I am used to having someone there all the time. I don't want to settle again. I don't want to be with someone, because I feel like that's all I can get. I want who God made for me. I want that man that leave me breathless and amazes me everyday and how sexy he can be, because of his love for God. I know theres someone out there for me. I know God has a purpose for how my heart feels now, from when it did a few months ago, to who knows what it will feel when my divorce is final. I don't know Gods plan.....and he might even have someone there when the divorce is final. I don't know. That's where faith comes in. That's where I need to be content even if there isn't anyone out there for me. I know God wants me to feel this way at this time in my life for a reason. He has shown me so much and I have truly grown alot in the past year, that I really wouldn't take away to have my old life back. My relationship with Christ and who he wants me to be and all the issues I might of had, are all being brought to the surface and its time I faced them. I have been facing them and changing who I am, but I'm not done. God is never done working on us and helping us form into the person he has created for us to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment