I don't know if God has been showing me or what lately, but its been kinda.......amusing!!!
So I'm at the bank fixing to leave and I'm walking through the doors. A guy is walking in front of me and he opens and holds the door for me, I thanked him. I start walking and I'm in front of him and he rushes to reach the second set of doors and open and holds those for me. It was cute!!! I giggled and thanked him again.
Then the next day, my AT&T
phone was down. I go up to the store to see what the deal was. I'm driving and notice a camero, saw a cute guy on the phone, but don't pay attention to it. I passed him and got in front of him. We turn and I notice (cause I notice everyone around me) that he was on my right side and I was on the left. I go and drive down the street and pull into my driveway to get to the store (left side) and pull in, in front of it. When I'm getting out of my car, I see him parked behind me and he has his window down and waves me over to his car. I go over there, not thinking anything of it and he starts talking to me about my car. Of course though, I'm leaned over because, well, its a camero and they are low sports cars like mine. I notice hes talking to me about random stuff and his eyes quite arnt focused on my eyes or face. Mind you, I wasn't wearing anything skimpy. I wear these clothes to work at a professional atmosphere. But I couldn't help how cute he was. I mean, he was on the skinny side for me, but other than that.....total hottie!!You know, I'm not trying to sit here and brag, its just, Mark did make me feel beautiful, but he really didn't tell me alot. I would have to say something, like, Do I look pretty? and he would say, pretty beautiful!!! That was his thing with me, was pretty beautiful! But I don't think Mark really looked at me, like I was beautiful.
Now Cass, another story. At least once a day, he would just stare at me and tell me how gorgeous I was. There were so many occasions, where I would be talking to him and I could tell he wasnt listening and he would cut me off and just say, "your so beautiful". Do you know what that does to a girl? The thing was, is he meant it. You could tell in his face, his eyes, his heart, his soul that he meant it. I loved the way he would look at me when he slowly grabbed my face with both of his hands and took a step closer to me and kissed me so tenderly. I swear me and Cass will always have this soul connection that no one will be able to explain. Even 20 years from now and we never see or speak to each other again, I want to say that we both will have that bond, that connection and think of each other and all the fun times, happy times, sexy times, cherry poppers, tears, heartache, confusion, fights, and most importantly the quiet times together. Mine and Cass's quiet times was very intimate on a soul to soul feeling. Just laying there watching tv or just laying there was special.
I know this might sound bad. But I do love Mark and Cass.
I always will. They truly mean alot to me, even if I never speak to both of them again. They both are great men with greats hearts and I have to say, that I feel very blessed to have had such great men who love me in my life. I know some girls, get the "losers" or a "loser" once or twice or more in their life, but I haven't yet. I have had great men who really want the best for me and I want the best for them too. But the bad part is, my next husband, I want him to be Mark and Cass put together and even more than that. I don't know if you would take that as a compliment or not, but I look at it as a GREAT compliment. I want all the good in all of these 2 men, combined into one and then even more some. Now that would be an amazing, God given man.As much as I don't want to be a divorcee, I know I'm going to be divorced. As much as I want Cass to be the man for me, I know hes not. I'm really accepting that this is going to be my life and looking forward to the man God has for me. Accepting this breaks my heart every once in awhile when I really think about it, like now. As I sit here and cry over 2 wonderful men, I know God is telling me to move on and look out for great wonderful things. I am such a blessed woman to have had these men in my life, but memories will always be there for me to remember them by. I do have to move on sometime, as I know they both
have. I think I hold on to the past too much, which I'm learning to let go and wait for Gods blessings. I'm actually excited and eager to learn new people and new things and see myself changing into the woman God wants me to be. I feel me shining now. I feel the weight slowly being lifted off of my shoulders. I feel the sun shining through the dark clouds now. I think I'm actually seeing a beautiful rainbow get brighter and brighter each and everyday.
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