I know when as it gets closer, I'm going to figure it out and it all will work out. For the past month I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford it, because times have been so tight. I still have all my needs are met, but really haven't had any extra. I remember praying about it and wondering if I should "blow" money on a trip, but haven't really went out and did anything for myself in awhile. I really need to get out and get some time away and just have fun. I don't plan on spending 1000.00 or anything, but just enough that I can enjoy some good meals and stay in a nice hotel and have some fun money to play with. I have been saving and haven't even gone out and done anything all month so every penny would be saved for my birthday. Even a few days ago, I didn't see it really happening, but then I sat down, calculated everything and I felt like God has put this peace within me and its going to be okay. To be honest, God had always put a peace within me, for he saw what I never did. I thought maybe I was being selfish or irresponsible thinking that money could go elsewhere or put back for a rainy day, but God just was kinda telling me...."Don't worry, it'll all work out!!!" I feel blessed and I cant wait for my birthday!!
I really don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have God in my life and I honestly don't want to know. It saddens me to see non-believers struggle and try to live their life solely on themselves and them trying to figure it all out, when all you need is God and to have faith that he will work out everything to our good. I love just surrendering my life, my finances, my health and my problems to God and just give them to him and tell him, 'I give them to you', 'I don't know what to do', or 'I cant handle this on my own.' I know even believers struggle with this and I do too!!! I think its our human nature to want to handle problems on our own, but its sooooooo much easier when we give them over to God!!! :)
Another thing that has happened to me lately, is I was asked out to dinner by this man. I was flattered!!! I turned it down, but it was the thought that means alot. Most guys these days, or the ones Ive came across, don't really, 'ask you out to dinner', its more of a "hang out" kind of thing. I'm not sure if its the whole money issue or what, but it was still sweet. Ive said this before, but I just have no desire in dating, or dating anyone. I'm happy figuring out who I am. I still have the moments where I get lonely and miss affection, but I think Ive been driven to take care of my own and to work hard for my stuff. Another thing I noticed about myself is I just "know" God will "show" me who I'm supposed to be with. I have a feeling that I will be drawn to them and there will be that 'spark' of attraction and of peace. I have felt that in my heart and until that day, I wait. I'm okay right now with waiting. Ask me in a year, I might not be. I just know as each year that goes by, I get more antsy and more impatient, because I still want a family before 30. God knows the future, I cant make it all fall into place, I have to allow God to do that!! He knows whats best for me and for my future mate!!!
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