I LOVE THIS BLOG!

You know what?  I LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!!  I rarely will go back and read old posts, especially 3 or 4 years ago, but its so interesting to see where I once was and to read my thoughts that I cant remember to this day.  I was reading back in 2009, when trying for a baby and my stress and concern of my life was totally different then it is now.  I have to honestly just sit here and think about the person that I was back then.  Of course, I don't regret anything or I wouldn't change anything, but its just crazy what my focus was on, which was a family, and now its not.  Its not a bad thing....I'm just in a different stage of my life, but I feel more healthy emotionally and spiritually now then I ever have in my life and I know its going to keep growing and getting better.  This blog is just a good reminder to look back of how my life has changed and a good documentary to see how Ive grown over the years.

As much as people might see me as a kid or immature, I really am a grown woman who takes care of my responsibilities and takes care of what God has given me.  I know my boss asks me all the time, who takes care of me? GOD!  I am honestly thankful for being able to mow my grass, clean my house, pay my  bills, take care of my grandpa, and have a job.  I can complain about all the things I don't want to do, but now I look at them as a blessing.  I might not have that partnership that I was used too, to help me with things, but in reality, that's whats made me stronger and more independent.  I'm not saying I don't want partnership, cause of course I do.....its why God made us to have a mate. All I'm saying is, right now, God has given me the ability and the capability, with His strength and help with determination, I can do anything!!!!

I love where Ive grown!! I love who I am becoming, for I will never be the same as  years go by.  Just like any person, we all grow, struggle, cry, laugh, learn, teach, love, and that's what this life is about.  Just like the graphic before this post, God has to break us, before He can build us.  Its really kinda true....We need to get to the very bottom, our breaking point, to where we can look up and see that God is there all along.  I looked up to Mark and I thought he was my life and I wouldn't be able to live without him......boy was I wrong.  My whole mentality of that was WRONG!   I learned though.....it was the hard way, a way that I never want to live over again, but nonetheless, I learned!!! God is the only one who will never leave us or forsake us and no matter what we do in this life, He will always be there.

I know some friends who are really happy with where they are in life right now and its sooooo good to see them happy, because I know they had a breaking point of heartache also.  To see them with someone and happy, honestly makes me happy.  I had a few friends for the past month get into a new relationship and I wish nothing but the best!  Usually, I might get a little jealous cause I would want something like that too, but nope.......I don't want to be in one right now!!!! WOW.....just saying that is like this freeing feeling within myself.  I never thought 2 years ago I would ever say that.......

You know what that means right???  I'm healthy!!! I'm in a good place in my life where I'm okay with being alone and not seeking anything, because all I know is, is that I want a healthy relationship, where 2 people who are ready to be friends and maybe want more can come together and see where it goes.  I don't want to have to lean on him for happiness or vise versa.....I don't want to NEED anyone, any person human being to be happy.

So I have alot of things to do.....but I had some spare time to vent a little.  I do love this blog and all the readers who read it.  Like I said before, you can check out my weight loss blog if you wanna read about it and give some advice or motivation if you want!!!  I could always use it!



So I thought it would be interesting to go all the way back and to see my first picture of my face on this blog.  It was in 2009 and the below pic shows what I used to look like.....the other picture was taken today.....I mean, honestly I cant help but laugh at how I used to look....its sad really....but I mean, maybe looks do get better with age!!! :)