so if you have it saved, it wont go to it, it will say its been deleted!!
Sometimes I wonder where I am in this life. I know God is still molding me and shaping me into the person he wants me to be. I also wonder when am I going to break down and go on a date with someone. I sometimes feel like I'm not ready, but what will it hurt? I can feel myself have this shield up to getting my heart broken or falling for someone who isn't meant for me. I think because of what Mark did has scarred me and also me getting into a relationship right afterwards and falling for a man when I wasn't ready scares me. I'm really okay with being by myself right now. I'm enjoying talking and getting to know people and looking. I know what I want and what I don't want. I feel like sometimes I'm being picky or I have made a man in my head that doesn't exist, but I know in my heart, my whole heart, that God has this man for me and its just going to be magical. I think when I meet him, its going to be a love like I never have felt before, something so pure and peaceful and there will be no doubt in my mind about us.
One thing that God amazes me with, is that He is always there. I can stray and do my thing for a while and when I realize what I'm doing, I just run right back into his arms. I know that's what Ive done lately. Things have happened in my life that were unexpected and sometimes I'm just ready for the next chapter, a new chapter to look forward too and grow. I really am waiting on God to show me what He wants me to do and I pray and wait all the time. In the meantime, he is taking care of me and providing for all my needs.
My friend called and I was talking to him about why not go on dates......and I realized something....I think I hold on to something that will never be, because its safe. If I don't let go, then I cant move on and even though I really want too, I know I'm scared too. I think that's why I just need to go out of my box that I made again for myself and just live life. I went on a date a few months ago and even though we are friends, I had a blast and made memories. I'm not saying I'm going to marry anyone, so why not get to know someone?
Its just, Ive been asked out a few times lately and I catch myself always saying no or coming up with an excuse, but why? My friend said tonight if I'm having doubt then that could be God not wanting me too, and I get that, because I know and my advice to everyone is "When in doubt, DON'T". I don't know, its just something that has been crossing my mind lately. I don't know if I will or not, but deep down I really don't feel ready to go on a date.
So the other day me and the bestie decide to go after church and do a photo shoot since the weather was pretty. I hate how my body turned out in them and its actually motivated me more to get back on my diet and exercise to lose my 80 pounds. Here are some....
Still love this song
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