So I'm reading Focus on the Family website just now and I read this....
Nevertheless, we feel that there are three situations in which the Scriptures make allowance for divorce and remarriage: 1) When the first marriage and divorce occurred prior to salvation. Although a person cannot undo all the sins he has committed, he is forgiven for the wrongs he did before accepting Christ (see II Corinthians 5:17). 2) When one's mate is guilty of sexual immorality and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully with the marriage partner. Jesus states specifically that divorce and remarriage are acceptable when due to this kind of "hardness of heart" (see Matthew 19:9). 3) When one of the mates is an unbeliever and willfully and permanently deserts the believing partner. This does not refer to a temporary departure, but a permanent abandonment (see I Corinthians 7:12-15).
I mean, it couldn't be worded more perfectly with my divorce situation. My friend had told me right after Mark left that his heart was hardened. You do realize that when I was living in sin, I was waiting on my heart to get hardened. I wanted it too, cause I knew what I was doing was wrong. The good thing was, God knew my heart better than I did and He knew I didn't want that. He knew I wanted to live right and I beat myself up over it, all while living that way. I really cant grasp the concept of how someone who knows God and lived right, can stray so far from the shore and not feel lost or lonesome. I cant talk for him or for anyone else, for all I know, he might.....but I do pray for him.
I struggle with my failed marriage. Just like the song that I posted before this...."For my good".....I know God has a plan and its going to turn out good. I know God hates divorce and yet while I'm not the one who officially wanted it, I still feel guilty that its happening. I feel like I broke my vow with God, I feel like I failed. God knows my heart and He knew that I was willing to do anything to fix my marriage and to make it work. Even when I was fighting earlier this year for my marriage, I didn't know what to do, or what was going to happen or how we were going to make it work if he did come back. All I knew, was good had placed it on my heart to fight and God knew that I could only do so much and that's where my faith in God was placed at His feet. I knew God could change his heart and work in his life if Mark and I were supposed to be together. I remember even thinking, "What if I'm fighting for this man and he never comes back?" "Why would God want me to fight if Mark was never going to come back?" Those two questions, really stood out to me and I asked myself alot during that time if there was even a reason or purpose. I cant sit here and say that it was useless, because it wasn't. I can honestly go through this life knowing I did everything I could. I'm proud to say that I took the time with God and I, to fight for something that I believed in. Even though the outcome might not of been exactly what I was hoping for, there are no regrets. I don't know what God was doing or working on in Marks life during that time, but that would be for him to share. I just hope Mark can one day look back and see how precious our marriage was to me. I hope he can remember all the good times and good things I did and not dwell on the negatives or bad choices I made.
Its getting closer to the divorce date. The time has really flown by......
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