Let me just say this....I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself for weeks now, for this week and the upcoming days. I have accepted that this is going to happen and have made plans afterwards. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life and eager to see what comes my way. I wont lie....I cried tonight. I could feel my face was flushed and I was upset. I don't want to wait. Mind you, I feel like that's all I have been doing, is waiting and waiting and waiting. I feel like my whole life....is just a big ball of WAIT. I'm waiting on my divorce, I'm waiting on a job, I'm waiting on who my next husband will be, I'm waiting on a family, I'm waiting on my book and me starting and feeling led to how to begin.
I was talking to a friend tonight, well 3.....they all said the same thing. My friend told me, its Gods plans, not mine and my friend Tiffany wrote this:
Sweet girl, God sometimes does these things to teach us HOW TO WAIT. Listen to the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. God has been teaching me a LOT about waiting on him. Waiting on a job, waiting on a mate, waiting on His will in HIS timing. God's got this...worship while you are waiting.
I've learned that NOT WAITING and just trying to push things through on MY timing vs. God's timing- usually makes things suck way worse. I promise sweetie, God usually has MAJOR awesome stuff on the other side of the wait...I've waited 3 months, on my knees for a job...(Not easy when u are a single mom trying to pay a house payment), God JUST blessed me with a job...and it was worth the wait and the pain and the struggle...and I know when he shows me the man that I am supposed to be with...he is gonna be worth the wait too!!! ;) hang in there honey! I'm praying with you!!!!
Then my friend Sharla wrote me this:
Rachel Rachel....RACHEL!!!! Calm down my sweet friend! You are having some STRONG emotions right now & you know as well as I do that everything happens the way it suppose to & we do not have control. I know you were mentally ready this week.....BUT God MAY have other plans.....Let Go & Let it unfold the way it's suppose to sweetie!! It all be just fine whether it's this week or not.....you know in that "in the big picture" of your journey this is only a small bump in the road. It doesn't make a difference what day it occurs....."in the big picture".....AND as well as I know you, I think God is letting you learn that this is not in your hands right now. You may not ever know "why" or "why not" but you'll be just fine either way:)
I love you dear....here's the verse my son wrote for me when God wanted me to "chill out"
Psalms 27:14
Wait for the Lord. Be strong take heart, & wait for the Lord!
He has a plan & a purpose.....you just have to trust Him.....& sometimes that just means "blind faith"
Remember.....our FEELINGS are never consistent.....they are always changing (up & down)! But what you know to be true....GOD'S PROMISES.....are always the same & never change
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord! Be strong, take heart & wait for the Lord
Nothing can be done different to change the fact that for some reason you didn't get this done.....oh well....all you can do now is take it as it comes & continue to move forward!
Faith makes things possible....not easy!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. It was a reminder from 3 different people, that its all in Gods hands, not mine. You would be surprised how I don't control anything anymore. I am an easy and go with the flow kind of girl now. Even my close friends will admit that I don't stress over anything anymore. Its a very freeing feeling. My emotions might have changed tonight, since its been like 30 minutes of me writing this and me talking to my friends calming me down. I guess in the morning I will find out what will happen and if we wait, then I guess I'll wait. Its not going to kill me.
Want to know something crazy with these 2 friends that wrote me those things?? We would of never of met if we both didn't go through the same thing. Its like 3 people in 3 different worlds coming together and feeling the same thing and supporting each other with God as number one in our lives. Divorce is something that we didn't all 3 want, but in the long run, I can look at all 3 of us and its like our souls has come out from us and we are enjoying life and we are excited about the plans that God has for us. I can see both of these women and see so much love, life, and spirit within them and how they touch others around them. I'm honored and blessed to have them in my life. The other friend of mine is a newer friend of mine and he has gone through the same thing. I feel blessed to have these people in my life and I hope we will always be close and see where God leads us in this life.
I feel so much better now and is reminded "its okay, everything will work out for my good". I shall see in the morning what the damage is and go from there. I need to remember God has had this all planned out for a reason. I may see his reason later down the road or I may never see it, I just need to trust and obey and have faith!!!!!
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