David wanted to do what was right in Gods eyes. He wanted to please God and he did alot of things to satisfy God and did His will. But like us all, David also sinned, he was a murderer and committed adultery. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to the story. My whole life I have always wanted to do what was right in Gods eyes. All my friends knew I lived in a bubble and was a "goody goody". It was okay with me to have that reputation. I didn't want to go through life with regrets or have people look down on me or be that person where I couldn't be a witness because of the life I lived or was living. The truth is, I'm not perfect and I have committed adultery. That is something that I have to live with everyday though God has forgiven me and I don't carry that burden around, but God has put it on my heart for me to be a witness and testimony. One thing that I'm reminded of all the time, is the Love God had for me when he delivered me out of living in sin.I had put in my prayer journal last year in April of how I was falling for this person and that I knew in my heart it was wrong. I prayed for God to change his heart the way I felt, so no one would get hurt since we both just gotten hurt. Did you know God answered my prayer?? But it was 8 months later when I didn't really want it answered. Now I'm sure you all have heard the saying, God answers prayer, but not in our time, but his! This is a perfect example of it. One day, he just decided it was time to leave. He told me, he had been praying and the feeling wouldn't go away. I didn't want him to leave then, but deep down I knew it was right.
I remember us laying next to each other while trying to sleep and I would cry. I would cry because the distance that I had put between me and God. I was waiting on my heart to get hardened so I wouldn't feel the guilt. I knew in my heart what I was doing. I knew that for the first time in my life, I wasn't pleasing God and I was doing what I wanted. I remember thinking, what if my grandpa got sick? How could I pray to God, knowing how I was living and what I was doing? I learned after that, it was the devils lies that told me I couldn't pray to God. God was always there, but my guilt alone, hovered over me that I wasn't worthy of asking God of anything. I didn't understand how I could ask God for something, KNOWING that I was going against everything that I knew was wrong.
That Sunday when he left, I was a mess. I was a mess because I did love him and I didn't want him to go. But at the same time, this weight got lifted off of me and I was ready to have my relationship with God back. I really feel like God changed his heart, because I was so weak and couldn't. God knew my heart and knew I yearned for him and that I wasn't happy spiritually. Just like the story of Jonah, God changed his heart. I believe (on my side) that God changed his heart, so Gods plans could unfold, because God knows that I want to do His will and like I have said before.....I'm chosen. I cant waste my time on what I want to do, I need to focus on what God has for me. Just like the story of Joseph.....He was his fathers favorite, his brothers was jealous and sold him and then he became a slave and ended up in jail because the kings wife wanted to sleep with him and he wouldn't, and then ended up helping the country out of a famine and also helping his family have food. (hopefully I got the story right) God used Jospeh, even though he had trials and was accused of false things and was betrayed by his family. Its when we look at the whole story of Joseph can we see through those trials, God made good. God never left Joseph, God used him to save a lot of people. I know that God is going to use me. Maybe not to that extreme, but God can use all of us, if we have a sovereign heart and is willing to do His will. What God has for me, probably wont be what he has for you, but that's okay. He can use us all differently, for he made us all differently.
Like I had said before, I feel God has me in a resting stage. He knows my heart and knows what my heart desires, for he put them there. I know he wants me to soak in the emotions of my marriage coming to a close. I'm reminded daily of the wife I was and the wife I want to be. I feel him molding me and shaping me into the woman and wife he wants me to be for my future husband. I know through everything, the good and bad, we need to learn. We need to learn what pleases God and what doesn't.
I refuse to live a life in a sinful lifestyle. I do not want to spiritually be far from God, ever again. I pray to God almost daily about my future husband. I pray that he is waiting and praying for me too. I also ask God, if he could be just like me, in a sense. I want a Godly man who puts God first and foremost, someone who loves sports, who has the same sense of humor as me, and can be a freak when to be. I know, I know, it might be inappropriate, but that's what I desire. I hope his family is warm and welcoming and I want him to be Baptist. I tell everyone, I want a Baptist boy. Now of course, God could just give me someone totally different, but I know God knows my heart and what I truly want. He knows and has the man that is perfect for me. Its exciting and yet I'm eager to meet him one day.
I encourage everyone who is a believer and may be struggling in life or feels spiritually disconnected to read the Bible. Of course, you can just open it and start reading, but with me, that was very hard and didn't motivate me at all. You could pray about where God would want you to read or even pick a book and just start reading. Proverbs is a very good book on guidance and how God wants you to live. If you arnt a believer, I would encourage you, to go to a church or someone you know and ask what you can do to know Jesus. You can also just speak to God right where you are and repent of your sins. Do you believe Jesus was born of virgin? Do you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins? Do you believe Jesus rose up on the 3rd day from death? Do you believe Jesus can wash away your sins and make you a new person? Then pray those and ask Jesus to come into your heart.
I know being saved for me was very overwhelming. I was 8 and I cried like a baby. In fact to this day, when I see someone get saved I get overwhelmed. Its an amazing, happy, wonderful experience to watch someone that I know I will share eternity with. With Jesus in your heart, you will have peace and a love that no one on this earth can ever give you. You will never feel lonely again. :)
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