Faith

I know I'm sure I said this before, but today it was like confirmed what I have always felt.  I was talking to my grandpa and I asked him if he thought I would meet my next husband this next year.  He looked at me and said, "Yes, actually I do".  "I have been really talking to the Lord about your life and the man he has for you and I think when you meet him and he meets you, you both are just going to know."  BAM!!!!  That's exactly how I think its going to be too.  I feel like that's what God has placed on my heart and I tell ya....I kinda been freaking myself out lately with even my own thoughts.  I have actually asked my friends why I'm not even interested in hanging out with the opposite sex.  I just have no desire.  I turn down dates every week and most of the guy friends I do have.........pretty much annoy the crap out of me.  I thought maybe it was just me or maybe something I'm going through, but really......its not them....its just I'm waiting.  (also gramps called me beautiful out of the blue today....made me smile and look at him weird)

My close friends know me....they know that when I fall for a guy, it takes me awhile to get over them.  I don't even want to set myself up to either get hurt, hurt someone else, or even deal with the whole awkward situations. 

I really just don't know.....its like I'm in this funk, but its from the Lord.  He has changed my desires and my focus on so many different things and I no longer think about being alone or meeting someone.  I focus on me, my grandpa, paying bills, working, building my business and I just KNOW that when my future husband walks in my life, it wont take long before we fall in love and is married.  I guess, I just have no fear of growing old alone, because God has assures me its not going to be that way.

Now I do pray for Gods will in my life, I pray for me to focus on the things he wants me to focus on, I tell him everyday I trust Him with the person he has for me.  I am with full communication with God throughout the day and in fact......I thank him for everything he has given me and done for me 1000 times a day.  I want to give him glory and praise him.

As this is my favorite time of the year, at first I wont lie and say it kinda sucked not having someone here as a mate.....but my grandpa and I have been rocking it.  I look at my house, my tree, my job, my friends, and the love all around me and that's enough.  God has taken care of me and he gives me peace everyday.

But I do have to say....I am human.  I do have my lonely phases (which are usually right before the time of the month, lol) and I have my "what if" moments, and I know its all completely fine to feel and think that way.

So I hope if anyone is going through anything or some of the things I'm talking about right now, I hope and pray that you know God and have a relationship with him so hopefully you can feel the joy and peace through the times that are questionable.  This is really where faith comes in.....its where you  just have to surrender it all.