Im not dead

I just wanted to write and say I'm not dead.  I have been working extra hard and long these past days and I feel so blessed, more than you know.  I really feel like I must be doing something right and God has given me the energy, time, funds, and everything has been falling into place.  I thank God all day, everyday.  He amazes me almost hourly throughout the day,  I cant get enough of him. 

I honestly, don't have enough hours in the day for what I need to do, but things still get done and I still get the urge to push and get what I can done.  At one point this week I was talking to my grandpa about something that I felt like I didn't deserve from God and then it hit me later on, that because God has helped me and blessed me, that I need to do the same for someone else.  God has provided me to help others and this stuff and money isn't mine anyways....God just loaned it to me.  I am really thankful that God has given me the ability and resources to help with what I can.  You know.....that's one thing I know about myself that I'm not proud of.  I am very selfish person when it comes to things and sharing.  I guess I have been nice in the past and got screwed over that it scarred me and so I don't like letting people borrow anything or use anything or I don't like to loan nothing out.  I'm not the first person to offer money if someone needs it.....I don't know......I always think in my head, that I'm going to need something later, so I need to keep it close to me.  I have actually prayed about this and I feel like God is slowly opening up my heart, that this stuff is STUFF, its nothing I can take with me to Heaven or that can save my life.  God can take it all away in a second if he wanted too, its not MINE in the first place.

So I'm learning.....I'm growing......I'm trying to the best Christian, friend, person I can be.  I know I cant save the world.  I know I cant help everyone and lead everyone to Christ.  I just want the be the example of Jesus' love.  I don't want to force anything on anyone, but to let them know I'm always here. 

I'm tired people.  I'm exhausted and I have a busy busy day ahead of me tomorrow.  I just worked a 12 hour shift and have a trillion things to do tomorrow.   I work at my real job and then come home and work on my photography job, I love it, I wouldn't have it any other way......it keeps me busy, keeps me sane....keeps my mind on things for the future and things off from the past.  I'm honestly....happy, peaceful, content with my life and I'm excited what the future holds!!!! eeeekkkkk.....makes me smile!!!

( I just love this photo....to me it says alot.....when you let go, theres this peace that comes within you!!)