19 months old

I was on my cafemom and realized that my baby would be 19 months old right now. I think its crazy, that just in a few months, I would of had a 2 year old. I know in those 2 years, it would of been totally different and amazing. I don't know why we didn't get to experience it, and why right now I'm going through this, but I hope soon after this ends, we can get pregnant with a healthy baby. I know in the first year so much happens. They go from this little infant that cant keep their head up by themselves, to having tummy time, to smiling, then to sitting up, then to standing, and then walking, all in the first year. I know when we finally get to have our little one, I'm going to just sink in all the precious times and moments. I will always have a camera in my hand. I get so confused sometimes why these things happen to women. Not just me, but alot of women. There is alot of women out there who are going through the exact same thing as me, and even more than I am. I feel blessed just the thought that I ovulate on my own. There are so many women who don't even do that on their own.

I'm starting to believe that the clomid is what made me have an ectopic. It said that taking clomid can cause that to happen, because it slows down a process with all the fertility pills. It makes it harder for the egg to travel. I'm not sure, but when we go back to the Dr's, I'm going to bring it up. There is alot I want to talk to him about. We know I can get pregnant. He wanted to do test done on me and hubby, but if I really did have an ectopic, those tests wouldn't really mean anything because it was just a process that didn't go like it should, not a deformity. Also when we had Mark Jr., he wasn't deformed.

God is in control. We pray to Him everyday and we want his Will to be done and we put this all in his hands. Until the day I get to see my babies in Heaven......Mommy will always love you and wonder what you would of been like!!! *muah*