my dad

My dad was never in my life. I was okay with it, I was never one of those kids who blamed themselves or wondered why he never wanted me. My mom was such a good mom and dad in my life and plus I had my grandpa, which was the best of both worlds. The only time I remember being really mad at him was when my mom died, and I never really understood. I guess he was the only other "parent", so he should of been there.

Anyways, since Mark and I had Mark Jr. and I got to see who he looked like the most, it made me think who did I look like the most. I had people tell me, I look just like my mom and grandma, and then I had people tell me, I look nothing like my mom, so I must look like my dad. I always knew my nose was bigger than my cousins and moms, so I must of had my dads....but I don't have that either, so I guess its just my nose. :)

I will admit and say that I have looked him up on the Internet, with no desire in meeting him. I really just wanted a picture, a glimpse of the other part of me. So I did find my cousin, on my dads side on facebook. I asked some questions, but not enough to tell him who I was. Later I found out he knew who I was, lol. But then gradually, some other women requested to be my friends. I was thinking also, that they didn't know who I was. I was never really in my dads life. There were times I did see him, but he didn't want me. We moved away and I never spoke to him. My mom never stopped me from seeing him or having communication with him, but I just never had a desire too. I was happy in my life and my mom did everything for me to make me happy.

But I got off track....I had accepted this lady on facebook that I realized was friends with "my other family" and she posted some pics up of a baby. I love babies, so I commented...how adorable. She then goes on and says.....you know that's your second cousin.....what????!!! I didn't know she knew who I was. I said who, me? lol She said yes. I got on later that night and she popped up at the bottom and I talked to her for hours. I feel like she wanted me to push myself and talk to my dad, but I honestly don't think I should make the first move. She was saying, he was young and was trying to find himself....okay...that could of been it...(mind you, hes the same age as I am now) but he had so many years to try and be in my life. That's not even an excuse. I know she wasn't meaning any harm and wasn't trying to blame my mom or me, but she just kept saying, the questions I had, I needed to ask him. I really didn't have any, about why he was never in my life, or things like that. I don't care, lol. The good news is, I have no half brothers or sisters....lol....I was so happy to hear that. I just always thought it would be crazy to have someone half of you out there. You cant blame them, cause they are as innocent as me. But I don't have to worry about that, lol.

I didn't tell you....my dad is the 10th kid of 11 children. The lady I was talking too, is his baby sister, so the 11th kid. I asked her the ages, and they range from 48-68. Yep....those are my aunts and uncles, and then I know I have tons of cousins and such. She did tell me about their health history, cause that was very important for me. She was saying they have everything!!! Cancer, high blood pressure, heart problems, brain tumors......brain tumors....are my biggest fear....its like the only place I haven't had checked. lol.....that's my hyprocondriac coming out.

She did let me see 2 pictures of him. I don't think I look ANYTHING like him. I got my web cam of a picture of me and my mom when I was 15. This is probably the last picture of me and her. She died a few months later. I look at all the pics of my mom in my grandpas room of when she was a kid and I look so much like her to me. I cant see anything in me in my dad. My mom always told me he had perfect teeth and beautiful blue eyes. I think I have my dads teeth, as in the strength. My teeth never want to come out, and all my other family have weak teeth. So that's a plus I guess, lol. Tell me what you think!!!