Im stuck

I feel like I cant move on. I think about my friends who are pregnant or has had their baby and what they wanted so bad, they got. They are moving on with their lives and their new bundle of joy. They are blessed and now is moving on with the good things a baby brings. Their first walks, their first crawls, their first poops, their first everything and then it will be their first day of school, their first b/f or g/f. I feel like, right now all I'm doing is waiting on my BFP. I am....theres nothing to get around it. But I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like the years and days are going by and I'm just sitting here watching the world go by while I wait. I see more and more women and girls getting pregnant and I'm just watching them get pregnant, go through each trimester and then finally having their baby. I watch them grow through it all, being a cheerleader for them while they are in the game. I want to be in the game. My dreams are so strong for a little one, I want to give my all for a little one. They will be my focus on in life and making sure they are being raised to glorify the Lord. I feel like I'm done with everything that I want to do in life. I am ready to watch my baby experience new things and see their expressions on their face as they learn and see things for the first time. Today wasn't a good day for me. I have been feeling down. I learned today that my friend is pregnant. I am so happy for her. I really, truly am. I don't wish bad on anyone, and everyone who gets pregnant, I am really happy for them. I just wish I could go through a healthy pregnancy and be in the game too. A child is Gods blessings and I sure do hope he gives me one soon!!! I pray for God to give us a baby in HIS time. I say that alot, but its true. I don't want to lose another baby. I want to be able to have a full term healthy pregnancy and delivery. Please pray for me and my guidance in life!!