A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Twelve Days till Thanksgiving.  Its crazy how fast time has been going.  I have to sit back and think of what I did this past year.  I remember last Thanksgiving and it honestly feels like it was 6 months ago.  I'm just in awe of how so much, but yet so little has happened in my life the past year.  I have went through alot and have came so far.  I sometimes sit here and think what next year will be like.  If I will have a special someone in my life or if I will still be me learning about myself and trying to do what God wants in my life.  I know theres going to a point in my life where I'm going to want a mate and want someone to share the rest of my life with.  I also know I'm going to get to the point where I'm lonely and impatient.  I'm not there yet......I'm okay with being by myself, but I mean you have to think realistically, Ive been divorced for 3 months.  I was telling someone the other day, that my divorce seems like a year ago, it really does.  I wonder why????  I guess the connection from divorce was already over with,  because he had left a year an half before.  Maybe it was because I knew I did everything I possibly could and knew there was no more fighting left in me.  I have/had accepted things on how it was going to be and I knew that was the last thing left.

I look at my life now and appreciate my grandpa more than ever.  I'm hoping to spend some quality time with him as its just us.  I do hope the man God has for me that he will accept my grandpa and our living situation and respect that this is my only parent left and that hes going to be apart of it.  I understand that men or people in general want to live with the person they love without any in laws or what not.  That's just not my life and how my cookie crumbles. 

I really wasn't going to blog, I just came on the computer to look at something and sat down.  I have a movie on pause and just put up my dinner and was about to wash my face, hair and put up my clothes and towels.

Yesterday, after work, I went by my ex's parents house.  I spent some time with them and caught up and we talked about everything under the moon I believe.  I honestly love them and they are like family to me.  I can be so open with them and just pour my heart out and know that they wont judge me or look at me any less.  I thought it was like 9 o'clock when I left, but it ended up being midnight.  I then felt bad that they were up so late, but I really did enjoy being in their presence.  We talked about old times, them telling me whats going on in my ex's life and me telling them whats new with me.  They talked to me about how they want to redo the living room and that got me excited, because I LOVE home decor stuff.  I love to visualize rooms or ideas and see it come to life.  I hope I can see them transform their living room into the way they dream.  I'm hoping to stay and be apart of their lives no matter what their son and mine relationship is.  I have to admit, I did have to step away and just get stronger and let them live their lives without me in it for awhile, because I was so weak and was scared of what I may hear or see.  I feel so much stronger now and I feel ready to have a long lasting friendship with them and be happy with the choices their son makes in his life.  :)

Today at work, I clock in and then a Christmas song comes in.  I yelled with excitement and the whole store heard me.  It was Christmas music!!!!!!!  Everyone was like, oh goodness......but man they were all bahumbugs.  Then as I'm leaving, my boss comes in and says, "why is that music on, we need to turn it off, its not supposed to come on till after Thanksgiving".  WHAT??????????????  They just shot my spirit to the ground.  Christmas music makes me sooooo happy.  I think the world could be destroying and if there was Christmas music on, I would be happy.  I'm nuts, I know.....!!!! haha

So I think I'm going to go get my stuff done.  I swear I feel like an old lady.  Here its is 9pm on a Friday, I'm exhausted, I got house chores to do and also, I have to get up at 6am for work and I could care less that I'm not out doing something.  That shows how far I have gone, that I don't care to do something on the weekend.  I want to fall asleep now, but I'm trying to yap my brains out so I wont.  Okay okay......its time I get up and finish my stuff.......till tomorrow morning my loves........goodnight!!


Christmas Song