Yesterday was my moms 11th year she passed away. I wanted to write this long blog about her and how amazing of a mom she was, but I think my letter pretty much sums it up.
I miss you mom. I wonder the conversations we would have now, now that I'm older and life's circumstances have came my way. I wonder if you would still try and protect me from harms way and from getting my heart broken. I know you would be my bestest friend whom I could go to for anything. I know I'm not perfect, but I would hope if you were here, I would still hear that you were proud of me.
God had a reason why you went home at the young age of 42. I wish I
could of spent more of my life with you, but Gods plan let me have you
for 16 years and I am thankful for that. Everyone still down here mom
speaks very highly of you. I'm proud you were my mom.....I'm proud that
I was raised in a Christian home and your goal was for me to know
Christ and to be happy with whatever I chose in my life. You never
pushed me to be something I didn't want. You never pushed me to make
straight A's and have extra pressure on me, but to motivate me and tell
me to try my hardest, and that I was capable of being the best. I
wouldn't change anything, but maybe just to have you here with me every
once in awhile for a mother/daughter bond. I love you and you were the
best woman and mom I could of ever of asked for. So much has happened
the past 11 years and I can still remember the day when I learned you
went to go be with the Lord. My life was forever changed. But God has
never failed me and has placed so many people in my life to take care of
me and be a motherly role to me. I know you are in heaven holding and
playing with my babies and I wouldn't have it any other way. I often
picture you and grandma, with my babies just waiting till the day I can
meet you again. It makes heaven that much sweeter to me. I love you
mom....until the day we are reunited again..... :)
I know she lived each and every day to make sure I had what I needed in this life. I know she strived to make me happy and to give me everything she could. I watched my mom struggle and I saw when we had less and probably looked like white trash at one point when we moved here and she was on her own with no help in a new town. But see, that's the thing.....that's what I appreciate the most. I saw my mom work hard and build up from what she first started off with. I remember when I was 6, we moved here from Dallas. My mom wanted to start over in life, because her mom passed away and she just wanted to get away. We moved into a one bedroom trailer in the country and lived there for 6 months. i remember we had this old car that barely ran half the time. Six months into it, my grandpa moved down here. We moved across the street into a house. We lived there for a year or two and then moved into the city, into another rent house, but much nicer. We lived there for about a year and then my mom bought a house. Its the house I currently live in and I have been here since I was 10.
To this day, I'm not sure what went through my moms head. I remember when we first moved in here, I wanted the master bedroom....of course, because I was 10 and it was huge. My mom didn't take it, my grandpa didn't take it, and she let me have it.....what???? Who does that? My mother!!!!
My mom was also a Godly woman. She never forced anything down my throat, but I really think she always just knew, that I had this close relationship with Christ. My whole childhood, I always tried to do good all the time. She knew I loved the Lord, she knew I knew Him, because my mom always knew I was weirdly special, with my spiritual side, even as a child. I would always talk to people about Jesus as a small child. I don't remember my mom ever showing concern with my relationship with Christ, except one time. My mom was dieing of cancer and I was 15 and I was angry. Its first off, a very hard time to be that age and watching the only parent you have, suffer and be in pain and the reason why she is doing all this is to have more time with you. I felt hopeless....I didn't understand why God couldn't fix her. I got angry at God. I didn't understand......I told my mom that and she never got mad, but told me, she didn't want me mad at God. She told me to pray and she told me that she was going to pray. I'm not sure, but I think it was a couple of weeks later, I remember pacing back and forth in my room. I was crying......I had this strong feeling from God, that I needed to go tell my mom that it was okay for her to die. I didn't want too and I didn't understand why, but I had this peace that my mom needed to hear it and that everything was going to be okay. I remember walking into the living room and my mom asked me what was wrong. I told her, Mom, Its okay for you to die.....
She started to cry and asked me, what has changed with me. I told her....I'm not mad at God anymore.
I'm not sure why God has let certain things happen in my life. I'm not sure why I hear him so well. God will pound my heart with things and talk to me like hes right in the room. Ever since I was small child, I always was eager to hear from my heart and I struggle even to this day, with listening to people, because I feel like they don't know whats best for me. I even struggled listening to my mom as a child.
I think my mother always knew that God had this special plan for me. I think she knew that I was going to grow up and be okay. I do wonder what my mom would of done when I went through cancer....I'm pretty sure, she might of lost it, lol. But, my mom was very proud of me......even on her tombstone.....it says..
Jesus is my Lord and Savior
Rachel's mom
Yes, I miss my mother, everyday! But in this life, its temporary.......this is just a snap of a finger compared to spending eternity with her in heaven. I used to giggle about when I miscarried babies and they went to heaven. I do believe that when I miscarried that my mother knew they were my children. I also know Heavens time is so much slower than earth time. Doesn't it say in the Bible its 1000 years on earth is a day in heaven? So I remember picturing my mother in heaven, upset that her teenager was having babies, lol. When in reality, I was a married 23 year old. Just a little laugh I always think about with my mom.
I love her and even though she had no sense of style of clothes, she was the best mom. I say that about her clothes, because my friend and I were looking at this picture and they made her look 3x more bigger than what she was. This picture is a picture of us on the cruise we took the year she passed away. I know if she was alive today, I would totally be on her outfit!!! :)
Love this song
To this day, I'm not sure what went through my moms head. I remember when we first moved in here, I wanted the master bedroom....of course, because I was 10 and it was huge. My mom didn't take it, my grandpa didn't take it, and she let me have it.....what???? Who does that? My mother!!!!
My mom was also a Godly woman. She never forced anything down my throat, but I really think she always just knew, that I had this close relationship with Christ. My whole childhood, I always tried to do good all the time. She knew I loved the Lord, she knew I knew Him, because my mom always knew I was weirdly special, with my spiritual side, even as a child. I would always talk to people about Jesus as a small child. I don't remember my mom ever showing concern with my relationship with Christ, except one time. My mom was dieing of cancer and I was 15 and I was angry. Its first off, a very hard time to be that age and watching the only parent you have, suffer and be in pain and the reason why she is doing all this is to have more time with you. I felt hopeless....I didn't understand why God couldn't fix her. I got angry at God. I didn't understand......I told my mom that and she never got mad, but told me, she didn't want me mad at God. She told me to pray and she told me that she was going to pray. I'm not sure, but I think it was a couple of weeks later, I remember pacing back and forth in my room. I was crying......I had this strong feeling from God, that I needed to go tell my mom that it was okay for her to die. I didn't want too and I didn't understand why, but I had this peace that my mom needed to hear it and that everything was going to be okay. I remember walking into the living room and my mom asked me what was wrong. I told her, Mom, Its okay for you to die.....
She started to cry and asked me, what has changed with me. I told her....I'm not mad at God anymore.
I'm not sure why God has let certain things happen in my life. I'm not sure why I hear him so well. God will pound my heart with things and talk to me like hes right in the room. Ever since I was small child, I always was eager to hear from my heart and I struggle even to this day, with listening to people, because I feel like they don't know whats best for me. I even struggled listening to my mom as a child.
I think my mother always knew that God had this special plan for me. I think she knew that I was going to grow up and be okay. I do wonder what my mom would of done when I went through cancer....I'm pretty sure, she might of lost it, lol. But, my mom was very proud of me......even on her tombstone.....it says..
Jesus is my Lord and Savior
Rachel's mom
I love her and even though she had no sense of style of clothes, she was the best mom. I say that about her clothes, because my friend and I were looking at this picture and they made her look 3x more bigger than what she was. This picture is a picture of us on the cruise we took the year she passed away. I know if she was alive today, I would totally be on her outfit!!! :)
Love this song
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